History Is What You Make It
by Lady Blade WarAngel
Summary: Born in violence, raised in sadness, living in eternal hope. Mordred always had a history, but history is what you make it. As he tries to save the people who mean the most to him, will he cause more harm than good? AU Time Travel, Fem-Merlin fic.
1. Chapter 1

Okay so here's the first chapter of a rather unusual fic I've decided to write. I hope you all like it. It's very dark and there are themes of rape, violence and angst throughout the fic. This is a Fem Merlin fic. Merlin was always a girl, posing as a boy. It's slightly AU, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Now for those of you who are waiting for me to update my other Merlin (or Naruto) fics. There is a very good reason that I am putting up a new fic today but not updating all the others. The reason for this is because I haven't got updates for everything yet. I started writing this fic and it took over my brain. I'm actually writing the last chapter today. So this fic is basically sitting here doing nothing, and I'm just... over excited to see people's reactions to it. But... I also have a firm belief in the idea that you start as you mean to go on. Seeing as it is New Year's Day, I'm trying to be extremely productive so that I will be productive all year. So if I post a fic today, I will (in theory) be posting and updating throughout the year on a good basis (I hope). So this is a taster of things to come. Hopefully I will keep on updating and such throughout the year in a regular basis.

Small note, at the beginning of each chapter will be some song lyrics that I think fit the chapter in some way. There may be a verse, or a line, depending on what I think suits. The names of the song and artist will come after the lyrics. Thanks for taking time to read this note. LOL! Now on with the story.

SUMMARY: Born in violence, raised in sadness, living in eternal hope. Mordred always had a history, but history is what you make it. As he tries to save the people who mean the most to him, will he cause more harm than good? Fem-Merlin fic.

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History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 1.

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"_Come ride with me,_

_Through the veins of history,_

_I'll show you how God,_

_Falls asleep on the job._

_And how can we win,_

_When fools can be Kings,_

_Don't waste your time,_

_Or Time will waste you._

_No one's gonna take me alive,_

_The time has come to make things right,_

_You and I must fight for our rights,_

_You and I must fight to survive." Knights of Cydonia – Muse_

"Mordred." Mordred looked at Arthur Pendragon. He'd been deep in thought before the King had smiled at him and clapped him on the shoulder. It was close to the time where he would have to make a choice. It was a sadistic choice, that felt like a double-edged sword in his heart and soul and as he thought about it, it was like twisting the sword entwined with his emotions. But Mordred already knew what he had to do. The sadistic choice was whether or not he could do it. Mordred saw Merlin a few feet off from the Knights, sat on the steps that led to the courtyard. No one knew the truth that Mordred did. No one knew that Merlin was actually a woman. She had hidden that secret along with her magic from everyone, apart from Gaius and her mother, but Mordred knew. He knew because Merlin was his mother. A mother he had loved and lost already, but had travelled back in time so that he could have that little extra time with her. Those memories that others had shared with him were not enough. They couldn't be enough. He remembered the day she died as though it had happened yesterday.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

"Mordred!" Mordred has been playing in his little room. Grandpa Gaius had given him a heavy tome to read and Mordred was just getting to the interesting part when his mother had burst in. "Mordred! Come! Quickly!" Merlin had said. Her hair was still cropped short and she was dressed in her old blue tunic and breeches, her red neckerchief around her neck. She was in her boy transformation. Mordred was used to this by now, knowing that his mother would only allow him and Grandpa Gaius to see her true female form. The transformation spell, made Merlin look like a man, but she was most definitely a woman. Mordred could see that she was terrified. Mordred was six years old, but he knew that something was very wrong.

"Merlin what's wrong?" Gaius asked. Merlin looked at Gaius, the fear in her eyes seemed to be growing.

"Morgana has attacked Camelot. I have to get Mordred out of the city and then try to save Arthur and Gwen before she gets to them. She hasn't gotten to the citadel yet." Merlin said. Gaius seemed shell shocked as his mother, grabbed a pack and threw clothes in. Mordred's clothes. She grabbed her old spell book from its hiding place and threw his green cloak around his shoulders.

"Mother what's wrong?" Mordred remembered asking.

"I have to take you somewhere so you'll be safe my Mordred. You need to hide in the forest and if the worst should happen, Kilgarrah will come for you." Merlin told him. She hugged him tightly and then threw her old jacket on. She looked at Gaius. "Give Grandpa Gaius a hug and kiss goodbye sweetheart." Merlin told Mordred gently. Mordred did hug the old man.

"I will see you again won't I grandpa?" Mordred asked. Gaius had smiled at him.

"You will most definitely see me again my boy." Gaius said. Then Merlin had hugged Gaius.

"I love you, you crazy old goat. You've been so much more of a father then I ever thought I'd have." Merlin said to Gaius. Gaius hugged Merlin back.

"Be careful Merlin. My old heart won't be able to take losing you." Gaius replied. "You've always been the child I never had." Gaius added. Merlin nodded and picked Mordred up.

"Mordred, you must listen to me. I'm going to get you out of the castle and you must go into the woods, to the clearing where we meet Kilgarrah. Do you understand?" Merlin asked.

"I understand Mother. What about you? Won't you be with me?" Mordred asked.

"I will. I will find you later my darling. I have to distract the guards and you have to go to woods. Promise me Mordred." Merlin had pleaded.

"I promise Mother." Mordred replied. Soon enough, Mordred was outside the castle.

"You must be careful. Don't let anyone see you. I'll go and save Uncle Arthur and Auntie Gwen and I will try and come to you as soon as I can." Merlin said gently. Mordred nodded. "Go my darling." Merlin whispered. Mordred went.

xXxXxXx END FLASHBACK XxXxXx

She sent him away to protect him. But he'd come back, come back to see her dying. He'd gotten frightened when the sun had started going down and his mother still hadn't come for him. She'd never left him alone for so long. He sometimes wished he had never gone back that day, because he would never forget what he had seen.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

Mordred had crept into the castle again. He was frightened by how many soldiers there were everywhere. Mordred found his mother in the great hall. She was lying on the ground and there was a pool of blood around her. She was pale, her eyes mirrored his own, as they always had, and Mordred had knelt by her side, taking her hand.

"Mother! I need to get Grandpa Gaius." Mordred had said to her. She was bleeding heavily, and there was a gaping wound in her stomach. Mordred was frightened. He'd never known real fear before, but seeing his mother like this had given him fear. Merlin didn't let him leave, she kept a tight hold of his small hand as she smiled at him.

"Grandpa Gaius can't help me sweetheart. I love you Mordred. Never forget that. Never. No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone tells you. I love you more than anything in this world." His mother had said. She gently wiped the tears from his face.

"What do I do Mother?" Mordred pleaded.

"You must go back to the clearing in the forest. Kilgarrah will come for you. Go my little one. Don't let anyone find you. Run. Be safe my son." It was that moment that his mother had died. Her hand slipped down from his cheek. Mordred had picked up her hand and held it against his cheek again. She was still warm, and Mordred wanted the comfort of his mother so desperately. He didn't understand she was dead. He didn't understand why she had fallen asleep so suddenly and stopped breathing. Mordred had tried pleading and then he had shaken her shoulder vigorously, trying to rouse her. It was when he heard footsteps coming that he had finally gotten up and left his mother. He'd hidden in every secret place his mother had ever told him about in the castle, to escape Morgana's guards, all the while he had wanted to run back to his mother, make her wake up and hug him as she always had. When he got to the clearing Mordred found Kilgarrah waiting for him.

"Why did this happen? Why did my mother fall asleep and not wake up?" Mordred asked. Kilgarrah looked down at him sadly.

"Your mother is gone little one. She is in the other world with your all those you know, but she will never be forgotten. You are the last Dragonlord now, little one." Kilgarrah told him. Mordred wept bitter tears, his own magic raged in turmoil, bringing such a storm that people called it 'The Tempest of the Seven Ages' and once Mordred had finished raging and crying he had looked at the Dragon.

"What do I do now?" Mordred asked sadly.

"You will come with me. You will be safe and looked after. Your mother was my kin, just as you are. I will not allow those who took your mother to take you too." Kilgarrah said kindly.

"But where will we go?" Mordred asked.

"To the Lake of Avalon, where I will teach you all I know. When it is time, I will give you a special gift, the gift of seeing your mother's life. A piece of her will always be alive in you. Her memories will be yours, when it is time." Kilgarrah said. Mordred nodded. He wanted to know what had happened to his mother. He wanted his mother with him more than anything else in the world, but she was gone. She was gone forever and she was not going to be coming back.

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Mordred had ridden on Kilgarrah's back for the first time. He'd been raised at the Lake of Avalon for ten years, by the Lady of the Lake, Freya, who was a friend of his mother's, and by Kilgarrah. He'd been loved and cared for. He knew very little of his mother. The only survivors from the old days of Camelot were Sir Gwaine and Sir Percival. They had been sent out on a mission, and when they came back they found everyone dead. Mordred had learned, when he was twelve and quite by accident, that the heads of King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, Gaius, Sir Leon, his Grandmother Hunith and his beloved mother, had been put on spikes and displayed on Camelot's castle ramparts. Mordred had wept bitter tears that night, even as he thought he was too old to cry, he couldn't help thinking of the people he loved so much being disrespected. Even in death they had been given no dignity.

Those ten years passed with Gwaine and Percival visiting often. They trained him and told him stories of his mother that he hadn't known. He always begged for more, wanting every morsel that they knew of his mother. He missed her with such a palpable ache that it hurt him. It hurt him more than anything else. That was until he reached the age of sixteen. Kilgarrah had determined that it was time Mordred finally be gifted with his mother's memories, and how that hurt him. It was more of a curse than a gift.

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Okay so I'm ending the chapter there. Next chapter will have Mordred seeing his mother's memories and making a big decision. Please R&R and let me know what you think. I'm curious to see people's reaction to what I've done here. This is just the introductory chapter, the next one will be much longer. I've already written it so I can say that with definite knowledge. LOL! Until next time.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay all, here's the next chapter, and we will find out about Merlin's memories. Just who is Mordred's father, and what is the Sadistic Choice that he faces?

A big thank you to everyone who reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I'm eternally grateful.

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History is What You Make It.

Chapter 2.

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"_On the floating, shapeless oceans,_

_I did all my best to smile,_

_Til your singing eyes and fingers,_

_Drew me loving into your eyes,_

_And you sang "Sail to me, sail to me; Let me enfold you."_

_Here I am, here I am waiting to hold you._

_Did I dream you dreamed about me?_

_Were you here when i was full sail?_

_Now my foolish boat is leaning, broken love lost on your rocks,_

_For you sang, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow."_

_Oh my heart, oh my heart shies from the sorrow.  
_

_I'm as puzzled as a newborn child.  
I'm as riddled as the tide.  
Should I stand amid the breakers?  
Or shall I lie with death my bride?_

_Hear me sing: "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you."  
"Here I am. Here I am, waiting to hold you." Song to the Siren – This Mortal Coil_

Mordred was wondering the halls, looking for Gwaine to train with, or even Arthur. Anything to get out the frustration he was feeling. He knew his own mother didn't trust him and it broke his heart. But he could never explain why she should trust him. At least he couldn't yet. He had to wait until after his own conception before he could approach his mother, for that was when she would see the truth in his eyes. Eyes he had inherited from her. He remembered the day that Kilgarrah had decided to gift him with his mother's memories. It was a day that he turned over and over in his mind, along with the acquired memories of his mother.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

Mordred stood in front of Kilgarrah and waited. The dragon breathed his magic flame over him and suddenly, Mordred was going through many flashes of his mother's life. He saw her birth, her mother, her life in Ealdor. He saw her make her way to Camelot and all the adventures that that entailed. He saw Merlin save Arthur over and over again, and he saw Arthur become King. He saw Arthur marry Gwen, and his mother and Gaius beaming in the front of the hall. He saw his mother yelling.

"Long live the Queen!" She was the first and the loudest. Suddenly all the flashes slowed down and he saw his mother cleaning Arthur's armour in Arthur's chambers. She was scrubbing away, looking like a boy, as she always did. She had perfected her illusion spells. She always looked like a boy when others could see her. She had just finished polishing the last piece when Arthur came storming into the room. Merlin looked up at him.

"Arthur? What's wrong?" Merlin asked. Arthur looked at Merlin and before she could speak, Arthur had pinned Merlin against the wall. Arthur's eyes were black and Mordred knew there was some evil enchantment over him. "Ar-Arthur? Wha-what are you doing?" Merlin choked out. She was trying to escape the bruising hold Arthur had on her throat. Arthur glared at her.

"I'm doing what I want." Arthur replied coldly. His voice didn't even sound the same.

"Arthur please?" Merlin pleaded. She could barely choke out the words. "Arthur what's wrong with you?" Merlin pleaded. She could see the enchantment. That was when Arthur leaned forward and smashed his lips against Merlin's violently. She tried to struggle free. Arthur was hurting her and she wanted to stop this before it went too far. She beat at Arthur's chest with her hands until he finally let her go. "Arthur what are you doing? What about Gwen? She's your wife! Would you break her heart for this?" Merlin gasped out.

"Shut up." Arthur replied. Merlin heard the magic behind this and knew this was not Arthur, at least not the Arthur she knew. Arthur kept hold of Merlin and pulled a knife from the sword belt at his side. He sliced at her breeches, cutting them open, as well as cutting her legs. The nasty slices bled freely, leaving blood on the ground and on Arthur's clothing.

"Arthur what are you doing? Stop!" Merlin yelled. But Arthur wasn't listening to her. This wasn't the Arthur she knew. "Arthur if you're in there you have to stop. Please Arthur." Merlin pleaded. But there was nothing she could do. If she used her magic she would hurt Arthur and she couldn't hurt someone she cared for when they had no control over their actions. It was there, pressed up against that wall, that Merlin was raped by the one person she thought she could trust above all others. Mordred cried bitter tears realising he had just seen the moment of his conception.

Mordred then flashed to later on, as he saw Merlin sat on her bed, in her old room in Camelot. She had been crying. Gaius was there.

"Why did he hurt me Gaius? I've loved him like a brother and he..." Merlin trailed off.

"He was not himself Merlin. He was under a spell my girl. Arthur would never have done this to you if he had a choice." Gaius said softly.

"I know that Gaius, but it doesn't matter. He raped me. How can I stay here and pretend everything is alright?" Merlin asked.

"It wasn't him. He doesn't even remember that you're a woman. He knows someone was hurt in his room while he was enchanted and he can't forgive himself. He doesn't remember what happened." Gaius replied. Merlin took a deep breath.

"It has to stay that way Gaius. It has to. No one can ever know. That's the only way I can stay here. Arthur can never know I'm a girl, or what he did to me. You must swear you will never reveal the truth." Merlin said.

"I promise you Merlin. I will do everything I can to protect your secret, as I always have done." Gaius replied.

Then more flashes came to him. He saw his mother vomiting into a bucket. Gaius rubbing her back gently.

"What am I going to do Gaius? How am I going to hide a baby?" Merlin pleaded.

"We'll find a way my girl." Gaius replied.

"Arthur will know." Merlin sobbed.

"How? He thinks you're a boy." Gaius replied softly. "Maybe you can take the child to Ealdor." Gaius suggested.

"No! I've given up enough for Arthur, even my very identity. I will not give up my child. This child will grow up loved and protected by me. Please Gaius. I can't give up my child. He or she needs me. What if they have my magic Gaius? They'll need me to help them learn to control it. I can't abandon my child." Merlin stated. Gaius nodded.

"I understand Merlin. We will find a way. Everything will be well again." Gaius said.

Mordred then seemed to flash forward. His mother was lying in her bed, a hand resting on her swollen stomach. She was heavily pregnant with him. Mordred saw her rubbing her stomach gently.

"Soon I'll get to see your little face my baby. You'll always be loved. I promise." Merlin told her stomach. She smiled as Gaius walked into the room.

"Merlin? I thought I heard you talking." Gaius said.

"I was talking to the baby." Merlin replied.

"Have you thought of any names?" Gaius asked.

"For a girl, Freya, and for a boy, Mordred." Merlin replied. "I can't name him Balinor. That would raise too many suspicions. But mother told me, my father told her that his father's name was Mordred. I think... I think my father would have liked it." Merlin said gently.

"I'm afraid Arthur is looking for you Merlin." Gaius said gently. Merlin nodded and after a few muttered words of magic, Merlin's face and body changed. She was no longer a pregnant girl, but a skinny boy. The same illusion she had used to make herself look male all the time was helping her hide her pregnancy.

Mordred then flashed to seeing his mother lying on a bed screaming in pain. Gaius was there with an older woman. A storm was raging outside, seemingly keeping Merlin's screams a secret, for the lightning and thunder and rain were too loud for anyone who was outside the room to hear what was going on inside.

"I don't know if I can do this." Merlin breathed out.

"You can dear girl." The old woman said. Mordred saw his birth. Then he saw his mother's face change from an expression of pain to one of pure joy as Gaius handed her the small bundle that Mordred knew was him.

"It's a boy." Gaius said sombrely. The old woman smiled at them.

"Look at him. He's so perfect." Merlin said softly. She looked down at him with such love that it broke Mordred's heart. How Mordred wished he could do more than see. He wanted to hug his mother.

"I need to leave." The old woman said.

"I know. Thank you Alice. I know you risked everything to come here and help me. I'll never forget it." Merlin said.

"You don't need to thank me. You've done what you thought was right for so long. You even stopped me killing Uther and that was the right thing to do. You've saved so many, including Gaius. How could I not help you the one time you needed my help?" Alice said kindly. Merlin smiled at her gently. Her eyes sparkled.

"Still, I won't forget Alice. Thank you." Merlin said.

Mordred then saw Merlin, looking like a man, changing Mordred's diaper. That was when Arthur walked in.

"Merlin? Is that a baby?" Arthur asked. Merlin looked at Arthur and nodded.  
"Yes... I... found him... abandoned. Gaius and I talked about it and I've decided to take him in." Merlin stated. Arthur looked thoroughly confused.

"Well Merlin, I always knew you were a girl. So my best friend is now a father." Arthur said, laughing after a few moments. "Do you mind?" Arthur asked, holding his arms out. Merlin didn't hesitate. She placed Mordred in his arms. Mordred's own heart stopped as he watched the memory. Arthur was holding his unknown son in his arms for the first time. "What's his name?" Arthur asked.

"Mordred." Merlin replied.

"Interesting name. Well Mordred, I will be your Uncle Arthur, and seeing as Merlin is useless at sword fighting, I'll teach you all about it. I'm sure when your Auntie Gwen has a baby, you will be best friends just like your father and I." Arthur said to the baby. The baby gurgled and stared up at Arthur. Arthur smiled down at him and then handed him back over to Merlin. "He's cute. He... he looks a lot like how I imagine you looked as a baby." Arthur said. Almost as though he weren't thinking about what he was saying.

"Are you saying I'm cute?" Merlin asked.

"No! Of course not. But you must have been a cute baby. Gwen's always saying that you're sweet and that all babies are cute." Arthur blustered. Then he left. Merlin cradled Mordred close as Gaius came out of Merlin's room.

"Merlin? Are you alright?" Gaius asked. Merlin nodded.

"He'll never know that that was the moment he held his own son. He and Gwen will have many children, children he'll know as his own, and he'll never know that this was the moment he held his first born." Merlin said softly, a tear dripped down her face and landed on Mordred's cheek. The baby started crying.

Mordred saw flashes of his life through his mother's eyes. He saw when he said his first word, took his first step, and the joy it bought to his mother. Then he saw the moment that he, at the age of two, created a little orb of light in his small hands, and showed it to his mother. Merlin looked shocked.

"Mordred, you must never show anyone this. Our powers are a special secret, just for you and me and Grandpa Gaius. You must never show anyone else." Merlin said softly. The two year old Mordred nodded his understanding. Then Mordred saw other moments, moments he had spent with Arthur, as well as Merlin. Then when he'd reached his third year, in his mother's memories, he saw the day that Gwen burst into Merlin's chambers.

"Merlin! I'm pregnant!" Gwen exclaimed.

"I'm so happy for you Gwen." Merlin said, her face carried a kind smile, but her eyes held a deep sadness. Mordred saw flashes of Merlin helping Gwen to choose fabrics, to make clothing for her new child. He was sat there too, in Merlin's lap.

"Mama! Hungry!" Mordred looked at his smaller self as Gwen giggled.

"It's so strange that he calls you mother, considering you're a boy." Gwen said. Merlin smiled.

"He doesn't know any better." Merlin replied. Gwen smiled as she stroked little Mordred's hair.

"He looks so much like you Merlin. It's strange but sometimes I look at him and I think he looks like Arthur. It's silly isn't it?" Gwen said. Merlin nodded, smiling, and Mordred knew what his mother was thinking. Gwen would never know how close to the truth she actually was.

Then Mordred was in the great hall, and he saw his mother holding his three year old self. Gwen and Arthur were making the announcement of Gwen's pregnancy, and Merlin and the Knights were all at the front of the hall. Mordred saw his younger self clapping and beaming with everyone else. Merlin clapped awkwardly as she held her son, and smiled, and she was the first to say "Long Live King Arthur and Queen Guinevere." Her voice strong and proud. Then Mordred was in Arthur's chambers. Merlin was putting things away for the night. That was when Arthur arrived. Arthur looked over to the wall, it was the same wall he'd pressed Merlin against, and caused her more pain then he would ever know. Merlin was about to leave when Arthur stopped her.

"Merlin?" Merlin looked back at Arthur. "I can't remember what happened that day. I was enchanted and it was thanks to you that the enchantment was lifted. You and Gaius found a way to save me. But I don't remember what happened while I was enchanted. I woke up and I saw blood on my clothing and the floor. I hurt someone Merlin. It's been nearly four years and I don't know who I hurt, how badly, I could've killed someone for all I know." Arthur said sadly.

"I'm sure you didn't kill anyone Arthur. If you had someone would have been reported missing. I'm sure if you hurt someone, somebody would have come forward. For all you know, you went hunting in the forest and killed an animal. You don't know, so stop torturing yourself. I'm sure whoever or whatever you may have hurt, forgave you long ago." Merlin replied. It was true, Merlin had forgiven Arthur. She knew it wasn't his fault. It had taken her awhile, but she had recalled forgiving him the day Mordred celebrated his first birthday. Whatever pain she had suffered, Mordred was her life and she wouldn't wish him gone.

"You're too forgiving Merlin. I'm far from perfect. I wish I knew what I'd done. At least I'd be able to get what I might have done out of my head." Arthur said sadly.

"You're supposed to be happy Arthur. You and Gwen are having a baby." Merlin said. Arthur smiled.

"I've always been able to count on you Merlin. Always." Arthur said. Merlin nodded.

"Good night Arthur." Merlin said kindly. She walked towards the door.

"Good night Merlin." Arthur said. Merlin nodded to him as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

There were more flashes of Mordred spending time with Merlin, with Arthur, with Gwen and all the Knights. Then he saw the great hall filled with people celebrating. Gwen's stomach was large, and Mordred wondered why he had never seen the baby. He saw his younger self run over to Arthur and Gwen.

"Auntie Gwen! Feel?" Mordred's younger self asked. Gwen smiled and picked him up. He barely fit on her lap with her large stomach, and then Gwen took his small self's hand and placed it on her stomach. Mordred remembered this vaguely. He had felt the baby kicking. "Mine? My brother!" Little Mordred had stated. Merlin's heart had stopped.

"If you like Mordred. But it might be a girl." Arthur said, as he lifted the boy into the air. He giggled and squealed as Arthur tossed him up into the air and sat him on his lap.

"No girls! Brother!" Little Mordred stated. He was certain. Merlin shivered. She had been woken that morning by her son shaking her shoulder to tell her he dreamed of the baby. The baby that would be a boy they called Elyan. "It will be my brother. I will play with him and tell him about Knights, like Uncle Arthur tells me." Mordred had told her. Merlin realised then that Mordred had the sight. It was a rare occurrence in children, but it happened. But it was Mordred calling the baby his brother that frightened Merlin. If Arthur should ever guess the truth Mordred spoke, she would have to explain things that she couldn't. But Arthur hadn't seemed concerned. Merlin wasn't surprised. Children often insisted on things that weren't possible. Even though Merlin knew this was true, Arthur had no reason to think Mordred calling his child, brother, was anything more than a child's fancy. It was after Merlin had put Mordred to bed that it happened. Morgana had burst into the hall. Her magic was getting stronger. The Knights and Arthur jumped to their feet, as well as all the guards running to stand in place. Morgana merely laughed at them.

"What do you want here Morgana?" Arthur asked. Fiery anger laced his voice.

"Why, my dear brother, I just wanted to offer my congratulations to you and your wife. It's not every day the family gets bigger." Morgana said coldly. Then she held out a hand, and before Merlin could stop her, she had blasted a spell at Gwen, who was thrown into the pillar behind her.

"Guinevere!" Arthur yelled fearfully as he knelt by her side, she was unconscious, and her body trembled. It took barely a minute for them to notice the blood. There was blood staining Gwen's dress. So much blood only meant one thing. Morgana smirked as Merlin looked at her.

"Guinevere will never give birth to a living child." Morgana stated. Then she was gone.

xXxXxXxXx END FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

Mordred shook as he gained his mother's memories of that day. The horror was not over however, for Mordred would see more, much more than he ever wanted to.

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Okay that's the end of this chapter. Next chapter we'll continue where we left off. Please R&R and let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay all, the third chapter of my Mordred fic. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I am very grateful. Replies to guest reviewers are below.

**anna:** Thanks loads for reviewing. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you love it so far and I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

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History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 3.

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"_Tell them all I know now,_

_Shout it from the roof tops,_

_Write it on the sky line,_

_All we had is gone now,_

_Tell them I was happy,_

_And my heart is broken,_

_All my scars are open,_

_Tell them what I hoped would be,_

_Impossible...__" Impossible – James Arthur_

Mordred hated to recall those memories of his mother's. The memories that showed Gwen's pain, and his mother's and Arthur's so acutely that Mordred felt it all within his soul.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

Arthur picked Gwen up, and with Merlin and Gaius, rushed to Arthur's chambers. Mordred saw as Gaius had to send Arthur out of the room, he saw Arthur's panicked face, and his mother's horror. He then saw Gaius look at Merlin.

"The baby is dead Merlin. There is no heartbeat. With this amount of bleeding I will have to remove her womb or she will die. Morgana never spoke a truer word. Gwen will never give birth to a living child." Gaius said sadly. Mordred saw them operate on Gwen, saw them remove the dead baby from Gwen's stomach, and then saw Merlin trying to heal Gwen. But no magical spell could save Gwen's womb. The force with which Gwen had been thrown had broken the baby's neck within the womb, and Gwen's stomach was so badly damaged that if they didn't remove her womb, as Gaius had predicted, Gwen would die. Merlin used her magic to make sure that Gwen suffered no infections, and to make sure that everything else was alright, but Merlin's magic couldn't heal the damage that had already been done.

"It was a boy." Merlin whispered. Her voice was cracking as she tried not to cry.

"Mordred told you it would be." Gaius replied sadly.

"He's so tiny and perfect, just like Mordred was. How could Morgana do this? This child was innocent. There was a time she cared about the innocent." Merlin said brokenly. Tears were escaping her eyelids, despite her best efforts to control it.

"Merlin this should prove to you that she doesn't care for anything any longer." Gaius replied, as Merlin cleaned the dead child and wrapped him in a white blanket. Her hands shaking all the while.

"How can I tell them their child is dead?" Merlin whispered. Gaius shook his head at her.

"No Merlin, I will be the one to tell them. You go and be with Mordred. You did everything you could." Gaius said gently. Merlin left the room, looking at Arthur with such sadness. Then she was gone after informing him that Gwen would live and that Gaius would explain. This was the one time Merlin could not face Arthur, knowing she still had her son and Gwen and Arthur had lost their own.

Then there was another flash and Mordred saw Gwen sat with his mother in Arthur's chambers. Merlin was comforting Gwen, or at least trying to.

"I will never have a child. Morgana took that away from me." Gwen said sadly. "She killed my unborn son and took away my hope of ever having a child of my own." Gwen sobbed.

"I'm so sorry Gwen. If I could fix it I would. I swear I would." Merlin said. It was later on when Gaius and Merlin were sat in Gaius' chambers that Merlin sobbed on Gaius' shoulder.

"Merlin this isn't your fault." Gaius said gently.

"Why couldn't I stop her? How could Morgana do this to Gwen? She wanted that baby so much Gaius!" Merlin sobbed out.

"Merlin you realise that this makes Mordred Arthur's only heir." Gaius said. Merlin's eyes went wide. She looked at Gaius in horror.

"No! You swore you would never tell anyone Gaius. I can't lose Mordred. He's my son. No one ever needs to know any different." Merlin replied. Gaius placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I wouldn't tell Arthur. To do that I would have to betray every secret you have. I'd have to tell him you were a woman, that you had magic. I can't tell him. But I thought you should know. If Morgana were to ever learn the truth, Mordred would be in danger. She would kill him." Gaius told Merlin. Merlin wanted to say something, anything, but she couldn't. She had to be strong, for her son.

More flashes came to him. He was riding on a horse in front of Arthur, he was learning how to read from Gwen, all while his mother looked on. Then he got to the last day of his mother's life. He got to that day, and that moment. She had run in, gotten him and sent him into the forest to hide, and then she had gone back. She had gone back for Gwen and Arthur, for Gaius, for the Knights who were her friends. She could never have abandoned them all, not even to make sure her son grew up with his mother. She crept back into the castle and then made her way to the throne room. She saw Morgana before she could make it to the throne room, and the last thing she saw before she blacked out was Morgana's smirking face as Merlin was thrown into a wall and knocked unconscious.

When Merlin awoke, she found herself tied up next to Arthur and Gwen, along with the Knights.

"What a shame. Usually I have a bit more of a fight, but then again, usually our dear little Merlin doesn't have a child she wants to protect. Where is your son Merlin? Mordred is it?" Morgana said, as she slouched on the throne.

"I think you've lost your mind Morgana. Merlin is a man not a woman." Arthur stated. Morgana arched a brow and smirked. Then she looked at Merlin. She muttered a few arcane words, and Merlin knew they were the reversal for the illusionary transformation spell that Merlin had used to hide her gender since she got to Camelot. All of a sudden she was a short haired girl. Her features softened and her curves filled out. Everyone stared in shock.

"Have you always hidden the fact you were a girl from the start Merlin? I was shocked when I realised it myself. But you were clever. Even when I used that dark enchantment on Arthur, you never hurt him. You could have. You could have stopped what he did to you, but you refused to hurt him because he was under a spell. You're so naïve." Morgana stated. Merlin glared.

"Shut your mouth Morgana." Merlin hissed.

"What the hell is she taking about Merlin? How the hell are you now a woman?" Arthur asked. Gwen stared.

"I can tell you Arthur. She was born with magic. I tracked down Alator of the Catha, Merlin. I killed him. The first person of magic to ever swear fealty to you and your cause. I tracked him down and I killed him after finding out about his apprentice. She knew every secret of yours that he carried, and taking them from her was far easier then breaking the spirit of a Catha. You were born with such power, and yet you sat there and pretended to be a servant boy, and saved Arthur's life over and over again. You made sure that he didn't die on so many occasions, and you risked your life, for someone that would kill you. Why Merlin? Why betray your own kind?" Morgana asked.

"Better to serve a good man then rule with an evil one. I told Sigan that before I killed him, Morgana and I will say it to you too. I'd rather die here, at the side of friends, the people I love and care for, then to be a ruler. I never wanted that. I wanted to protect those I love. You have no idea what that means." Merlin replied. Morgana smirked.

"Did you know Arthur? Did you remember anything that happened after I used that Dark Mind Enchantment on you? Merlin does. She always will. She has a _permanent_ reminder. Don't you Merlin?" Morgana stated. Arthur looked at Merlin wide eyed.

"Merlin what is she talking about?" Arthur asked. Gwen stared at Merlin and she could see the sadness in her eyes.

"She's talking about Mordred isn't she Merlin? Mordred is Arthur's son." Gwen said softly. Merlin looked away from them all and stared at the ground, her body trembled with the need to cry, but she wouldn't give Morgana the satisfaction.

"Merlin? Is that true?" Arthur asked. Merlin bit hard on her lip until it bled She was shaking as she knew everything she had worked for, for all these years was about to fall apart around her. "Merlin tell me!" Arthur yelled.

"It's true, dear brother. Once I found out she was a girl, I wanted to see how far she would go to protect you. She even protected you from her own magic. She could have killed you. But she didn't. She didn't protect herself and you raped her. Poor girl, she's been carrying that knowledge around for over six years. She gave birth to a child and never let a soul know. She had loved you as a brother, forsaken her own identity, and _all for you_. She did it all to protect _you_, to save you and make you the great King you were meant to be, and _you_ were the one to betray her in the end. No amount of spells can ever make up for that." Morgana said.

"Shut up Morgana." Merlin hissed. She looked at Arthur. "I'm sorry Arthur. I didn't tell you because you didn't need to know. You don't remember and I wanted it left that way. I didn't want you to have to suffer with the knowledge that..." Merlin trailed off.

"It's true? Mordred is my son, and he exists because I forced myself on you?" Arthur said sadly. Merlin looked down at the floor and then back at Arthur.

"I forgave you a long time ago Arthur. You are my friend and I always... I looked at you as a brother. You wouldn't have... you would never have purposely... done what you did. That wasn't you. It was Morgana's dark enchantment. I knew that. I'll admit it took me time to forgive you, but I did forgive you." Merlin said gently.

"It doesn't matter that she forgives you or that you forgive her. Your lives will be over soon enough, as soon as I know where my sweet little nephew is." Morgana stated.

"I'll never tell you where he is Morgana. You should know that. You should also know that I didn't tell anyone else where I sent him. He will be safe from you. He will grow up loved and protected and there is nothing you can do to change that." Merlin replied. Morgana laughed.

"I'll find a way Merlin. I will find my brother's heir, just as I found out when Gwen was pregnant. I will find the little brat and I will make sure he dies. I won't allow him to grow to manhood. I will kill him. I hope that you realise that before you die." Morgana stated. She took Excalibur from the side of the throne, where she had left it after taking it from Arthur, obviously, and ran Merlin through. "How fitting that I should kill you with Arthur's sword." Morgana said cruelly. "Arthur's sword, that should have protected you, and I will use it to kill you all, but you first Merlin. It was always going to be you first. You'll never see your son again. You'll never save the King and Queen that you love so much. The friends you care for beyond all reason. You'll die with the knowledge that I'm going to kill them all, slowly and painfully, and there will be nothing you can do about it." Morgana stated coldly. Then she had the guards drag everyone from the throne room and left Merlin to bleed to death. Arthur and Gwen yelled her name, Gaius wept bitter tears. Leon struggled against the bonds the restrained him, as the guards dragged them away. He saw his mother's last moments, and then he was back in his own body. While he had been seeing his mother's memories, he had been immune to all the pain she was feeling, but as soon as he was back in his own body he collapsed to his knees, the weight of all that pain and all those emotions was too much for him to bear.

Mordred had hated Morgana more than anything in the world then. She had taken his mother and his father from him. She had taken almost everyone he loved. It was when Kilgarrah had given Mordred the gift of his mother's memories that he told Mordred what he wanted him to do.

"You can change all of this Mordred. You can travel back, and you can change their fates. Of course there are things you cannot change, I'm sure you understand, but you can change their deaths. You can stop Morgana from taking Queen Guinevere's child. You can change many things Mordred. If you travel back. That is the only way you can stop this from happening.

"How do I do that?" Mordred asked.

"It is a spell I can use. But once I have done it, you will not be able to return. You will have to see it through to the end." Kilgarrah replied. Freya looked at Mordred sadly.

"I have to do it. I can save my family if I do this. I can save you all." Mordred said softly.

"I will miss you terribly. But you will save us all Mordred." Freya said gently. Mordred nodded his understanding.

"What else do I need to know?" Mordred asked.

"You will reverse in age to about seven years old. You will retain all your memories, everything you know, but your body will be that of a seven year old. I will send you back to when your mother first arrived in Camelot. It gives you time to come of age. By the time Arthur becomes King, you will be a man. You must ingratiate yourself with Arthur, and you must gain Merlin's trust, for I know that my younger self will not remember you and will tell her you are a danger. Just the fact that you will travel back in time will change things slightly. But you will know when Queen Guinevere becomes pregnant. You will know when King Arthur is under the Dark Mind Enchantment. But you must allow things to run their course, or you will never exist. If you do not exist you cannot return to change things. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do Mordred. You must walk away knowing that your mother is about to be harmed. But walk away you must or you will never exist." Kilgarrah told Mordred. Mordred nodded his understanding. He would do this. For his mother, for Arthur, for Gwen and all those people Morgana murdered. He would do this.

xXxXxXx END FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

How Mordred wished he could go back to his home and his childhood. He wished for it so much sometimes that his heart ached. But he couldn't. He couldn't leave his mother again. He'd worked too hard to get back to her. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't. No matter what happened now, Mordred would stay with her, always, until death parted them again. Only this time, Mordred was determined he would go first. He wouldn't let his mother die in front of his eyes again.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay all, that's it for this chapter. Next chapter, we'll go through what Mordred felt when he arrived backwards in time, and what was going through his head at certain moments. Also, Mordred may confront Kilgarrah of this time rather than the friend and mentor of his future. Please R&R and let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

Okay all, so here's the next chapter of History is What You Make It. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I'm very grateful.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History is What You Make It.

Chapter 4.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_I blame you for the moonlit sky,_

_And the dreams that died with the Eagle's flight,_

_I blame you for the moonlit nights,_

_When I wonder why are the seas still dry?_

_Don't blame this sleeping satellite." Sleeping Satellite – Tamsin Archer_

Mordred had seen Arthur this morning. Arthur had snapped at him and was looking for Merlin. It was just before he turned away, that Mordred saw his eyes. They were black as pitch. Mordred knew today was the day, the day of his terrible conception. This day would cause his mother terrible pain, and Mordred knew this was the conundrum he'd had to face for the past ten years since he'd learned the truth. There was one person Mordred could talk to about this, but it would be impossible. Mordred had not tried to use his Dragonlord power since he had arrived in the past. He wasn't sure that he could with his mother being alive. He wanted to do something. He decided that he would go to the old clearing and he would try to call for Kilgarrah. He needed the old Dragon's counsel, and he needed to know if he could use his Dragonlord power still. Mordred headed off, telling the other Knights he was going for a walk to clear his mind. He made it to the clearing and then, looked deep within himself as he called out towards Kilgarrah. He felt that ancient power that had passed from his mother to him, flaring within, and he felt Kilgarrah respond. When Kilgarrah arrived, the old dragon seemed surprised to see him.

"You are a Dragonlord, but my allegiance belongs to Merlin. Should you try to take control of me for Morgana, he will free me." Kilgarrah stated.

"I'm not working for Morgana, Kilgarrah. Also I know Merlin is a woman. I know that you know that too. I know that you think I'm a threat, but I'm not, I'm here to help. I also know you don't believe that, but you know how to look into my mind and see the truth. You used that same power to bring me here. Your older self did anyway." Mordred replied. Kilgarrah seemed disturbed.

"You are saying you came from the future?" Kilgarrah asked.

"Yes. It was you who helped me to get here. You can see into my mind, read my thoughts and you will know who I am and why I'm here." Mordred almost pleaded. He needed someone to confide in, especially today. Kilgarrah looked at the young man standing in front of him. Then, Kilgarrah exhaled his magical flame over Mordred, seeing the boy's life and the troubles of the future. He saw himself giving Mordred memories of his mother's, then he saw himself, older and wiser, telling the boy he still had a chance to save his mother.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

Mordred was prepared to leave. In the pack he carried was his mother's old spell book, his old green cloak and some clothing saved from his childhood, as well as a pair of old boots, and one of his mother's neckerchiefs. Mordred also had a small wooden dragon on a cord around his neck. His mother had told him that his grandfather had carved it for her when they met.

"Will this hurt me?" Mordred asked. Kilgarrah nodded.

"It will. You will effectively grow younger rather than older. Your body will shrink and your muscles and bones will contract. This will be painful boy. But it is the only way." Kilgarrah told him. Mordred nodded, mentally preparing himself for the pain he would face. Again, Kilgarrah exhaled over Mordred, a flame of a pure blue, like the orbs of light Mordred had made with his mother in the forest when he was a small child. It felt like everything and nothing all in one instant, and he looked at Freya, as everything started fading away.

"I'll miss you Freya." Mordred said.

"I will miss you too little one." She said sadly.

"I'll do everything I can to be worthy of this gift Kilgarrah." Mordred called to the dragon.

"I know you will young Dragonlord. Good luck." Mordred heard Kilgarrah say, before the world faded around him. Everything changed and all Mordred saw was blue magic particles, glittering in the darkness. Suddenly Mordred was gripped with a horrible pain. Every nerve ending was on fire as Mordred reverse aged. He looked down at his hands, that started to shrink, and he could feel his bones growing smaller. It wasn't a quick process, at least it didn't feel that way. It took what felt like forever and Mordred was in searing agony for every moment. That was until it finally stopped. Mordred found himself beside the lake, standing on the same rock, but his clothes were literally falling from his body. He trembled as he removed the clothing and pulled on the familiar clothing of his childhood. Black breeches, a cream coloured shirt, his tan boots, and his familiar green cloak. It was the same cloak that his mother had thrown around his shoulders so long ago and it was like greeting an old friend when he made sure it was fastened securely around his neck. He threw his old clothing into the pack, hiding his mother's spell book underneath so no one would ever see it and make the connection. Mordred took a deep breath as he walked over to the edge of the lake and looked at his reflection. He was a child once again, but he still held all those features that reminded him of his mother. He still had her face and chin, her eyes and her mop of hair, though it had been lightened to brown with the mix of his father's blond hair. He had Arthur's nose and ears and he knew when he was older he would have Arthur's build, tempered by his mother's skinny frame. He had his mother's hands, long and elegant, rather than large and rough. Mordred had never thought to think of the similarities he bore to both of his parents. It was now, now that he had the time to look at himself that he could see it. Mordred knew that he needed to find protection. He needed somewhere to go. After all, as a child he didn't have the strength to fight off any bandits or slave traders unless he used magic. That wasn't an option if he wanted to stick close to Camelot. That was when he thought of the Druids. They were peaceful people and often took in children of a magical affiliation. He never needed to let anyone know who his parents were, at least not until it was the right time.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

When Mordred found a Druid camp, he was relieved. He'd been ducking and hiding for three days. He was tired but he hadn't slept. Sleeping would have involved resting and nowhere was really safe. Mordred couldn't take any chances with his parent's lives. It was when Mordred got to the Druid camp that he collapsed.

xXxXxXx ONE YEAR LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred had integrated well with the rest of the Druids and now had a Druid Guardian teaching him. Mordred knew plenty but there were many things Mordred could learn from Cerdan. Cerdan was a Druid healer, who knew herbs and healing spells that Mordred had never been told about. Today, Mordred was walking with Cerdan to Camelot. He desperately wanted to go and see his mother, but of course he couldn't. Walking through the market place Mordred had taken note of his Auntie Gwen. She was a servant now, just like his mother, but she still had that kind smile on her face as someone called out to her from the smithy. That was when Mordred realised that this was Gwen's father. The man had not been killed yet. This could mean that his mother had not yet arrived in Camelot. As he thought this, he spotted her hefting a bucket near the water pump. Mordred wanted to reach out to her. He wanted to run over and hug her desperately but he didn't, he couldn't. Cerdan led him towards a market stall where a man sold herbs, and it was as the man handed over the herbs that Mordred noticed them, Camelot guards. Mordred's eyes went wide.

"I'm sorry." The man told them. Cerdan looked at the guards and then at Mordred. He grabbed hold of his hand tightly and they were running. It was when he felt a sharp fiery pain across his arm that he realised he'd been cut by a guard's sword. He'd cried out without even realising it. But it was when they were near the gates to the citadel that Cerdan knelt next to him. The gates were closing.

"Run Mordred. Run." Cerdan had told him. Mordred had run, though he had turned back to see Cerdan fighting Camelot guards, giving him time to escape as the gates closed. Mordred had run until he found somewhere to hide near the castle. But Mordred didn't know who to trust. He needed help and there was no help. That was when he saw her. His mother, Merlin, walking down the castle steps, looking like a man, but Mordred knew Merlin would never turn a child in to the guards. He reached out with his mind.

"_Help me."_ Merlin turned to look at him. It was that moment that Mordred had met his mother again.

xXxXxXx TWO WEEKS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred had managed to escape. He'd been helped by Arthur and Merlin, and strangely Morgana. It was then that Mordred thought he could help Morgana. Maybe if she was given a chance to find out about her magic and if she were given the opportunity to make the right choice he could lead her to the path of goodness. It might mean that he didn't exist, but if that spared the people he loved then none of that mattered.

xXxXxXx ONE YEAR LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred bit his lip as he recalled the last few days. He had seen Morgana carried into the Druid camp he now stayed in. Aglain had told Morgana the truth about her gifts, and it was as he did this, that Mordred saw something in Morgana change. He knew that he hadn't helped Morgana. He had made the problem worse. She would be afraid for the rest of her life, worried that Uther would kill her. Mordred felt the pain acutely, wishing he could change Uther Pendragon. The man was his grandfather, though he would never know it and never acknowledge it. Mordred sighed as he thought about what he had done. He wasn't sure if he could ever make all of this right. All he knew was that he had to try. The burden was firmly on his shoulders, and his shoulders alone.

xXxXxXx SIX MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred had been the one to suggest getting the stone. Now he wished he hadn't. He had been so angry, his childish emotions getting the better of him. He had found that as he was growing again that sometimes he couldn't control himself. It was at this point that his mother had betrayed him, not knowing who he was and he had called to her in his mind.

"_I will never forget this Emrys, and I will never forgive!" _

He had called it but he hadn't meant it, for he would forgive her anything. His mother had no idea who he was and he couldn't tell her. So the fact she had betrayed him should not have hurt him so much, but it did. It hurt him more than anything, seeing the look on her face. That horrified look as he killed two Camelot soldiers with two spears of wood and his magic. If only she knew how old he was mentally. Who knew what she was thinking when she saw a nine year old boy kill two full grown men with no remorse. Mordred had cried bitter tears that night, thinking that his mother was more convinced of him being evil then she had ever been before.

xXxXxXx EIGHT YEARS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred had left the Druid camps and started searching out a way to ingratiate himself into Camelot. Arthur and Gwen had married three years ago, and Mordred knew he had to make his move soon. If he could not ingratiate himself within Camelot he couldn't stop what Morgana would do. He wasn't even sure how far off his birth was from now. He knew that Gwen and Arthur had taken a long time to conceive a child, but Mordred had been born three years before that. Mordred wasn't even sure if he had been born or not. Now Mordred was with a bunch of slave traders on the road to Ismere. He'd grown, become sixteen again, and he was stronger than he had been before. The world had made him tougher. He had learned. It was on the road to Ismere that he had met his parents again. King Arthur and Merlin. Mordred felt that familiar ache as he looked at his mother. It was an ache that curled around his heart because he couldn't just reach out and embrace her. He insisted on the lives of the King and the servant belonging to Morgana, and the slave trader just grunted. He'd saved them for now, but what would he do when they reached the fortress of Ismere?

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

It was strange to be recognised by Morgana. She seemed to truly care for him.

"_If only she knew who I was."_ He thought to himself. Her hated brother's hated offspring. He was the bastard heir that had been sent back in time to stop her from taking everyone's happiness. If Morgana knew who he was, she would have killed him in an instant. Maybe not when they had first met, but she had been different then, now she would kill him. She would destroy him without any thought. Even now, she was determined to kill Arthur. She spoke of the idea as though it were a tantalising treat just out of her reach. Mordred stayed calm as a guard informed her something was wrong in the mines. Mordred went with her and was confronted with his mother being thrown into the cave wall by Morgana. It was that moment, when Morgana had Arthur pinned to the stone cave wall with a dagger that was floating against his throat, that Mordred picked up a sword and stabbed Morgana in the back. He also knew Morgana would recover even as they left the caverns. Even as he was knighted by his unknowing father, Mordred knew this wasn't the last time he would see Morgana.

xXxXxXx END FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

When Kilgarrah finally finished looking through Mordred's memories he stared at the young man incredulously.

"Much has changed Mordred, son of Emrys and The Once and Future King." Kilgarrah said softly.

"I did everything I could. I hoped I could change things by changing Morgana, but I think I've contributed to making it worse. Now I have to decide whether to allow my father to rape my mother or whether to stop it happening and thus stopping my own conception." Mordred said sadly. Kilgarrah nodded his understanding.

"Young Dragonlord, Merlin wouldn't want your existence gone. I will admit that I was wrong about you. I received strange visions that you would kill Arthur. But that may have been destiny's way of accounting for your sudden appearance. My future self told you that things would change by you coming backwards in time. Destiny and fate spin a complicated web and when something appears that wasn't in the original design, they try to explain it. This may be hard for you to understand and take in boy, but you cannot stop your own conception. Things would ultimately change for the worse. You would not be able to do what you came back to do. It may be painful, but you must not change the course of fate here. Your mother risked everything to keep you safe. She gave her life. Now you must show your appreciation of that sacrifice, though it will cost all of you pain." Kilgarrah said sadly. Mordred nodded.

"I need to get back and make sure... make sure that no one disturbs them." Mordred said softly. He felt a single tear drop roll down his cheek as he turned to head back to the castle.

"I'm truly sorry that you must make such a choice." Mordred looked back over his shoulder at Kilgarrah.

"I'm sorry too. All I know is that this will haunt me for the rest of my days." Mordred said sadly. He left the clearing to go back to the castle and invite the Knights to The Rising Sun for a drink. No one would go and disturb what would happen there. He also put the idea of a walk in Queen Guinevere's head and suggested Gaius go with her. The Queen nodded and sought out Gaius, stating that the old man had been cooped up in his rooms for too long, and that he needed some fresh air.

xXxXxXx LATER THAT NIGHT xXxXxXx

Mordred was standing outside The Rising Sun, looking up at the castle, thinking dark thoughts when a hand clapped on his shoulder. Mordred saw it was Gwaine.

"What's wrong with you lad? You should be inside drinking with us!" Gwaine exclaimed boisterously. Mordred plastered a smile on his face, though he knew if Gwaine were sober, the man would have noticed that Mordred was faking his joviality.

"I was just taking some air. I'll come back in now." Mordred replied. Gwaine nodded and led Mordred back into the tavern, where Mordred proceeded to drink as much as he could without passing out. He tried to block his mother's memories of what happened on this night. The image of her curled on her bed crying, haunted him even as he drank more.

xXxXxXx THE NEXT DAY xXxXxXx

Mordred knew the enchantment had been lifted. Arthur was asking about what had happened the day before, unsure of what he had done. He confided to Mordred about the blood he had found in his room.

"What did Merlin say?" Mordred asked. Arthur looked at him confused.

"What makes you think I would ask for Merlin's opinion?" Arthur questioned back.

"Because he is your friend, no matter if he's a servant. He'd know who has been in and out of your room too. Why not talk to him?" Mordred asked. Arthur frowned in concentration.

"I did talk to him. He said that no one has been reported missing, dead or injured since yesterday." Arthur said honestly.

"That's a good thing isn't it? It may just mean that you went hunting for an animal." Mordred said, trying to keep the truth from bubbling out of his mouth.

"That's what Merlin said. Still... it seems wrong. I've got a bad feeling about it Mordred." Arthur said sadly. Then he was gone and Mordred felt a strange tingle down his spine. Some things could not be changed, Arthur might very well find out the truth one day, but Mordred would not betray his mother. Arthur would never hear the truth from his lips.

xXxXxXx TWO MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred walked towards Gaius' chambers. He found himself standing in front of the door as he heard his mother vomiting and sobbing her heart out. He opened the door to find Gaius comforting her. She hadn't as yet put up her transformation illusion, so she still looked like a woman. Both Gaius and Merlin looked up at Mordred in something akin to horror.

"We all need to talk." Mordred said softly, closing and locking the door to Gaius' chambers behind him. Merlin shot up looking at him in fear.

"Sir Mordred." Gaius started.

"It's alright Gaius. I always knew Merlin was a woman. I've never told anyone." Mordred stated.

"You... knew?" Merlin asked. She looked at him curiously.

"Gaius has just told you that you're pregnant." Mordred replied. Merlin's eyes went wide.

"You were listening outside the door?" Merlin asked angrily.

"I only heard you being sick. I... I knew this was coming. I... I saw that Arthur was under a Dark Mind Enchantment spell two months ago and I knew what that meant." Mordred said softly. Merlin looked angry.

"You could have told us! You should have told us! What the hell were you thinking? You have no idea-" Merlin was cut off when Mordred looked at her, with tears in his eyes.

"I know exactly what happened to you. If... I wanted to stop it. I truly did. It took every bit of willpower I ever possessed and a lot of alcohol to prevent me from stopping what Arthur did to you." Mordred said.

"Why? Why would you..." Merlin trailed off.

"Because I'm that child Merlin. Or rather, I will be that child. The one that you're carrying. You will give birth to a son... me. If I had... if I had interfered in what happened I would never have been born. Then I wouldn't be able to do the things I came back here to do. Even if I had told you, as soon as I prevented my own conception you would have forgotten everything I told you because I would no longer exist. If I could have saved you the pain I would have." Mordred said. His eyes were filled with tears, and as Merlin looked in to them she couldn't help but realise the truth. The truth that Mordred was indeed her son.

"Why did I name you Mordred?" Merlin asked.

"You named me for my great grandfather, your father's father, because if you had named me Balinor then people would have asked why. You wanted to keep me safe. Kilgarrah, the future Kilgarrah, gifted me your memories on my sixteenth birthday, and he gave me a choice Mother. I could come back in time, shrinking to age seven, a year before you got to Camelot, and give myself time to grow and protect you. Or I could have stayed with Kilgarrah and Freya, and lived with the knowledge that I could have come back to stop what I know will happen and didn't." Mordred replied.

"How can I know you're telling me the truth?" Merlin asked.

"Just go and speak to Kilgarrah. I spoke to him two months ago, and that old dragon doesn't trust anyone without reason." Mordred replied.

"I... I can look into your memories... if you will allow me to." Merlin said gently. Mordred nodded.

"Go ahead. You'll see everything I saw, and everything I know. You'll see the memories of yours that Kilgarrah gifted me too." Mordred said.

"This is very dangerous Merlin, especially in your condition." Gaius stated. Merlin smiled at Gaius.

"Either way, we need to know the truth. I'll know for sure this way Gaius. Besides, it's not dangerous, unless the person I cast the spell on is trying to hide something." Merlin replied. Mordred sat and waited for Merlin to get started reading his memories.

xXxXxXx A FEW HOURS LATER xXxXxXx

Both Merlin and Mordred were exhausted, but now, Merlin knew for sure that Mordred was her own son. She held him in her arms, hugging him tightly and stroking his hair as he wept into her shoulder.

"I missed you so much." Mordred whispered.

"I know my son. I know you did. You will never have to miss me again if I can help it." Merlin whispered back soothingly. The scent of grass and wind and lavender filled Mordred's nose, the familiar scent of his mother. Now, finally, Mordred wouldn't be alone in this journey.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay all, so here's where I'm ending this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please R&R and let me know what you all think.


	5. Chapter 5

Okay all, here's the next chapter. I hope you all like it. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and added me to their alerts and favourites. I really appreciate it, as always.

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History is What You Make It.

Chapter 5.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_When I ran I didn't feel like a runaway_

_When I escaped I didn't feel like I got away_

_There's more to living than only surviving_

_Maybe I'm not there, but I'm still trying_

_Though you hear me, I don't think that you relate_

_My will is something that you can't confiscate_

_So forgive me, but I won't be frustrated_

_By destruction in your eyes as you're staring at the sun." Staring at the Sun – The Offsprings._

Mordred spent all his spare time with his mother. He often went to find things that she couldn't possibly get. Merlin couldn't just walk into the kitchens and ask for certain foods. The cooks would not only tell her to get out, thinking she was just being her usual cheeky self, but they might also think something was wrong or amiss, and Merlin, Mordred and Gaius had already agreed that this could not be the case. Mordred didn't know how Morgana had found out about his heritage the first time around. He wanted to be prepared for anything. His mother was heavily pregnant at this stage and everything was dangerous, especially with her pretending to be a boy. There were things she wasn't supposed to be doing, but she had no choice but to do them. Mordred would intervene wherever he could get away with it, and sometimes, even where he really shouldn't have. He would convince the Knights to give Merlin a break and carry his own armour down to the training yard, which got the Knights feeling guilty and doing the same, so the only armour Merlin had to deal with was Arthur's. Mordred would come to the stables and tell his mother to sit and rest while he did her work. She would, often wincing with the ache in her back from carrying an extra person. She often chatted away with Mordred as he worked, for it would look strange if the King's manservant was running around elsewhere, while one of the King's Knights was mucking out the stables. Mordred knew that Morgana had, in fact, taken over Gwen's mind, and that soon, they would be going on a quest to the Cauldron of Arianrhod, in a bid to restore Gwen's soul and will. He would follow Arthur and Merlin, knowing the reason behind their journey. He would make sure to follow at a safe distance, to make sure that should his help be needed, he would be able to give it.

"Mordred?" Mordred looked at his mother that evening. He had taken to spending evenings in Gaius' chambers with Gaius and Merlin. Of course the Knights and Arthur asked questions, but Mordred just claimed to be learning medicine from Gaius, so that should the worst happen (both Merlin and Gaius being incapacitated or even killed) there would be someone that could perform medicine. Arthur thought it was a brilliant idea and encouraged it.

"Yes Mother?" Mordred asked.

"I know what you're thinking. Don't follow us to the Cauldron of Arianrhod. It's dangerous and I don't want anything to happen to you." Merlin told him seriously.

"What if something happens to you Mother? I'd be killed anyway. I might as well come with you and make sure that you're safe. I'll be in danger whether I stay in Camelot or follow you." Mordred replied. Merlin sighed, knowing her son was as stubborn as both his parents.

xXxXxXx THREE DAYS LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin was feeling the strain of carrying so much while Arthur carried Gwen. She wasn't really concentrating on what he was saying when her foot stepped on crumbling earth, and before she could even yell, she had started to fall taking everything with her over the ledge beside them. It was almost like flying, as she fell, suspended in the air for what felt like an age, but Merlin knew could only be moments. The horror came to her when she thought about Mordred, her unborn child, and what the impact might do to her and the baby. That was when she hit the ground, and everything went black.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur was horrified when he realised Merlin had fallen. He looked awfully pale, lying at the bottom of the steep incline. He put down Guinevere and then made his way down the side of the incline, only to cause a minor rockslide, and knock himself out. He woke to find his arm trapped. He was frightened then. Not so much for himself, but for Merlin and Gwen, who were now depending on him. He struggled fruitlessly trying to free his arm, and just when he thought he would have to cut his arm off to free himself, he saw Mordred poke his face over the edge.

"Could you use a hand Sire?" Mordred asked.

"Is Guinevere alright?" Arthur called out, worried that she was awaking from her induced sleep.

"She's asleep Sire." Mordred replied. Arthur nodded, as he saw Mordred tie a rope somewhere and come down it to free him. The sun hit at a strange angle and for a moment, Mordred's hair looked gold, rather than dark brown, and for an instant, Arthur could have sworn he was looking at a younger version of himself, but he quickly shook the thought from his mind, as Mordred shoved the rock pinning his arm down, far away.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred felt his gut clench. Merlin was heavily pregnant, the fall could easily set off an early labour. Or it was possible that Mordred was wrong. His birthday, his true birthday, was in two days. Still, if Merlin went into labour now, then her secret would be revealed. Mordred pulled Merlin on to his back, feeling the press of the baby bump against his chainmail. Merlin looked like a man, but that was as far as the illusion extended. It was pure luck that the illusion didn't end until Merlin said the counter spell. Some illusion or control spells ended the moment the caster lost consciousness, thereby losing concentration. Merlin's had to be reversed by counter spell. The problem with this, as Mordred knew from Merlin's memories, was that if anyone knew what spell and counter spell Merlin had used, they could easily remove it themselves. Once Arthur had made it to the top, Mordred tied the rope around him and Merlin, and climbed, while Arthur pulled the rope. Now, all Mordred had to do was make sure Arthur didn't find out Merlin's secret.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

It had taken a little while for Merlin to regain consciousness, when she did, she looked pained. Her face scrunched up slightly, as she tried to keep the pain from Arthur. Mordred immediately knew what had happened. Mordred was not frightened for his own life. He was safe, so was his unborn self. But Merlin could very well die. As Arthur picked Gwen up and said they should keep moving, Mordred rested a hand on Merlin's wrist where Arthur couldn't see.

"Mother? What's wrong?" Mordred whispered.

"The fall, it... it seems it's moved you along." Merlin whispered back.

"What do you mean?" Mordred asked.

"I think I'm going into early labour. I haven't... my waters haven't broken, but the contractions are close together. Once my waters break there will be nothing I can do." Merlin whispered back. Mordred's fist clenched as his worry mounted. Could Merlin do this? Could his mother save Guinevere while she was in labour? Would she be able to concentrate all her efforts on Gwen while she suffered pain? Merlin looked at Mordred carefully. "Listen to me Mordred, I... I planned for this. Not _quite_ this, but I researched a spell to slow down the process of labour should I go into labour early. I'll still be in pain, but there will be no danger of me giving birth out here. The problem is that if I perform this spell it will leave me more drained then I already am. I'm going to need you to perform the spell." Merlin whispered. Arthur, had as yet, not noticed they were still talking. He'd walked a little ahead, still carrying his wife. Mordred looked at his mother, as she put her hand into her pocket and handed him a piece of parchment, a spell delicately scribbled on it.

"What are you two doing? We've got to hurry!" Arthur called at them. He had turned around to see they were still in the same spot.

"Keep going Arthur. Mordred is just checking my ankle, I think I twisted it. Once he puts a poultice on it, we'll catch you up." Merlin said. Arthur nodded hesitantly as he turned around and carried on walking. Merlin sighed as he went out of sight. "Go on Mordred." Merlin said gently. Mordred felt a wave of nervousness wash over him. If Arthur turned back and saw him performing magic, Arthur would kill him. If he didn't do this, his mother would have to, and then she surely wouldn't have the strength to save Gwen. He looked down at the spell and before he could change his mind, uttered the words. He felt the burn in his eyes as his magic reached his mother. Merlin smiled at him. "Well done. Now we have to get going." Merlin said gently. Mordred nodded as he helped his mother to her feet. They headed quickly after Arthur, Mordred taking note that Merlin was wincing every so often, but they caught up quickly.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur felt confusion fill him. Merlin had never particularly trusted Mordred, but somehow, within the last eight months or so Merlin had grown closer to the boy. Arthur had taken a great deal of notice, when he saw that Mordred was helping Merlin with his chores. He also took note that Mordred was spending a lot of time with Merlin, beyond helping with his work. Arthur had often wondered why Merlin had never shown a particular interest in women, and it had occurred to him that perhaps Merlin was more interested in men. This wasn't something that bothered Arthur, after all, Merlin had never made any passes at him or any of the other Knights as far as he knew, and if Arthur could have love with Guinevere, why shouldn't Merlin have love with whoever he chose? Merlin was his best friend, and Arthur wouldn't get in the way of his happiness. It also occurred to Arthur that it was entirely possible that Mordred and Merlin had some sort of relationship going on. Arthur wouldn't judge if one of his best Knights and his closest friends, were embarking on a love affair. Merlin and Mordred both deserved to be happy. That was all Arthur cared about. So even though Arthur had wanted to stay behind to see if Merlin was alright, he had gone ahead, figuring that the pair wanted to exchange some words of endearment. If he were in their position he would have wanted to check Guinevere for himself as well. So he carried on ahead, giving them a little time to themselves. They would catch up, because Merlin always did.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

They were so close, despite Merlin's pain, and Mordred having to support her, and Arthur carrying Gwen, they were undeniably close. That was the moment that they saw Aithusa swooping down from the sky. It was Merlin who told Arthur to keep going and it was Mordred who offered to stay and help her. Once they had convinced Arthur to go ahead, Merlin had used her power over dragons, to send Aithusa away. That was when Morgana appeared.

"How are you Merlin? And you, Mordred? You'd betray your kind for that?" Morgana hissed.

"You won't hurt her Morgana." Mordred said calmly. He wouldn't allow Morgana to hurt his mother. Morgana scowled.

"Oh? Is there some love affair going on that I should know about? I'm sure Arthur wouldn't be happy to know that you both kept such a great secret from him." Morgana said. She pointed a hand at Mordred.

"No!" Merlin yelled angrily, her eyes flashing gold. Morgana flew backwards and hit a rock, hard enough to knock her unconscious. Mordred looked at Merlin in shock. "She will not harm you. Not my son. Damn her and her hatred, she won't ever bring you harm if I can prevent it." Merlin said softly. Mordred couldn't help admiring his mother. She was so strong in her own right. She was willing to fight Morgana for him, even in her present condition, and knowing she was in pain, Merlin was willing to protect him from anything. Mordred smiled.

"We should be going, Mother." Mordred stated. Merlin smiled brightly and nodded, as she made to move, she grimaced in pain. "It's getting worse." Mordred said. Merlin nodded.

"Don't worry Mordred. Once this is done, we'll get back to Camelot and everything will be fine. If we don't do this now, we'll never get another chance, and we'll lose Gwen forever." Merlin reassured. Mordred still felt apprehensive about all of this, but he trusted his mother. He knew that she was honest above all else.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Once they got to the cauldron, which was a great pool of water, Merlin disappeared, going to find the "witch" that Gaius had mentioned. Mordred waited with Arthur, still worrying about his mother. He didn't know how much longer she could last under these conditions. It was when Arthur had finally convinced Gwen to walk into the cauldron of Arianrhod and Merlin had begun to use her magic, that Mordred truly felt the full force of her power. Mordred was shocked and awed that anyone could have such powerful magic, especially knowing what Merlin was going through. It was an amazing thing for Mordred to behold. Mordred almost laughed when 'Dolma' asked for a day off for Merlin, considering the "poor boy was her surety" and that Arthur owed him. Arthur agreed, though he looked confused. It was when only after 'Dolma' left and Merlin came back, that Mordred could see how all of this had exhausted his mother. She was pale, beyond belief, but Arthur and Gwen seemed not to notice as they were almost completely absorbed with each other.

"Merlin?" Mordred and Merlin both looked at Arthur.

"Yes Arthur?" Merlin questioned back.

"I'm giving you the day off tomorrow." Arthur stated. Merlin grinned.

"Really? What bought on this sudden act of charitable behaviour?" Merlin asked cheekily. Mordred wanted to laugh, knowing that Merlin had orchestrated all this herself.

"Shut up _Mer_lin. Or I might just change my mind." Arthur shot back. Merlin laughed, even as Mordred noticed the wince as she walked, Merlin was still trying to protect Arthur and him from her pain.

xXxXxXx LATER THAT NIGHT xXxXxXx

Merlin was in terrible pain. Riding back to Camelot was the only way, but she knew she was in danger. She kept looking at Mordred, to make sure that he was still there, still alive. Her foolishness was putting his life in danger all the time. At this moment, she was putting him in more danger than ever. As they finally rode back into the courtyard, Merlin offered to put the horses away, saying Arthur and Gwen needed to spend some time together, especially as she was having the day off. Arthur and Gwen agreed, Gwen grasped Merlin's hand and smiled in thanks.

"Once you've seen to the horses, go and get some rest Merlin. You look pale." Arthur said. Merlin nodded her understanding and Arthur gave Merlin a smile. Gwen waved to Merlin, as they walked up the stairs and into the palace. It was at that moment that Merlin collapsed from the horse. Mordred, almost predicting this, was already at her side, stopping her from falling to the ground. Mordred could see that Merlin was in terrible pain.

"Mother?" Mordred pleaded. Merlin took a deep rasping breath.

"We have to put these horses away and get to Gaius. The spell I got you to use has finally worn off. Everything will happen pretty quickly from now on. I'd rather be in Gaius' chambers before I give birth." Merlin said softly. Mordred nodded his understanding. It was when mother and son had finally made it into the stables, and Mordred had settled the horses in for the night, that the first raindrops had started to fall.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Do you think that Merlin and Mordred are involved?" Arthur asked his wife as the couple sat by the fireplace. Arthur had set the fire himself, having told Merlin to go and get some rest after he put the horses away. Arthur had noticed how exhausted Merlin looked on the journey back to Camelot, and he'd seen looks of pain on his friend's face, as they had ridden quickly back to Camelot. None of them had wanted to give Morgana a chance to come after them again. Arthur found that he saw Mordred giving Merlin concerned looks more often throughout the journey. Arthur assumed that Merlin's ankle was still in a great deal of pain from their fall earlier, and Merlin, as usual hadn't said a word about his own pain.

"I'm not sure. I didn't think they were that close." Gwen replied.

"Neither did I, until today. I have noticed that they were growing closer, but... well we both know Merlin has never shown any interest in women." Arthur replied. Gwen nodded.

"Yes I know that. I suppose you might be right. It would be nice to see Merlin happy for a change. He spends so much time on making us all happy that he never seems to think about himself." Gwen replied. Arthur nodded his agreement, both of them hoping Merlin would be happy.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred felt a coil of dread tightly curled in his stomach, waiting to spring. He'd put all the equipment away as his mother instructed him, though Mordred could tell she was doing it to keep her mind from the pain. The rain was torrential by now, and Mordred feared what would happen when they tried to get to Gaius' chambers. It was then that Merlin bent over, a guttural, pained cry wrenched from her throat. Mordred ran to her side and grabbed her hand.

"Mother? We need to get you to Gaius." Mordred said. He was frightened for her.

"I can't... I can't keep this up. The transformation illusion is draining too much of the energy I need." Merlin gasped.

"Then remove the spell Mother. I'll take you to Gaius. I can use a teleportation spell. No one will see you." Mordred said quickly.

"Mordred it's too dangerous for you to perform magic here." Merlin gasped.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures Mother. Trust me." Mordred replied. Merlin nodded and uttered the counter spell. Immediately, Mordred saw Merlin's face and features change before his eyes. She now looked like herself, a pregnant girl who was suffering. Mordred kept hold of her hand as he helped her to her feet. Just as Mordred was about to utter the teleportation spell he knew, Merlin doubled over, almost collapsing to the ground on her knees. A few stray tears leaked from her eyes to drip down her cheeks.

"Something's wrong." Merlin sobbed. "I can feel blood dripping down my leg." She added. Mordred could see the terror in her eyes, and he felt it within his soul.

"We'll both be alright Mother. I'm still here, so I'm not dead. Everything will be alright." Mordred said. As he spoke, thunder and lightning crashed with horrible velocity all around them.

"We need to get to Gaius, now. Soon they'll send a stable boy out here to watch the horses in a storm like this." Merlin said. Mordred nodded and within moments he had uttered the teleportation spell he knew, taking him and his mother to Gaius' chambers.

Not a few moments later, a sleepy stable hand walked into the stable, seeing the horses were alright, he went to sit on the barrel where Merlin had been sitting, only to see blood smeared on top of it. The stable hand grimaced, wondering what had happened. He knew he couldn't go to the King about it now, he'd have to wait until morning, and hope the storm was over so that he was no longer required to look after the horses. With that uneasy thought on his mind, the stable hand sat down somewhere and made himself comfortable, knowing he would not rest tonight.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, that was the end of this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. I thought I'd work in episode 9 – "With All My Heart" from series 5. It wasn't originally planned, I was going to go completely AU with this fic, but after watching it, I found that it fit conveniently with what I wanted to do, so I decided to alter events to my liking. LOL! Anywho, please R&R and let me know what you all think, and I shall be updating tomorrow. Also there won't be any further involvement from series 5 in this fic. Just for reference. LOL!


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, so you guys will get to see the birth of Mordred this chapter. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and to all those who added me to their faves and alerts lists. I am very grateful.

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History is What You Make It.

Chapter 6.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_You get up and somebody tells you where to go to,_

_When you get there everybody's telling you what to do,_

_Thank you, it's been another bloody Monday,_

_And no one's asking you what you wanted anyway,_

_Scream, 'til you feel it,_

_Scream, 'til you believe it,_

_Scream, and when it hurts you,_

_Scream it out loud." Scream – Tokio Hotel_

When Mordred and Merlin appeared in Gaius' chambers, Gaius almost jumped out of his skin. Gaius looked at Merlin and then Mordred.

"What's happened?" Gaius asked, quickly launching into his role as a physician, to hide his worry.

"She took a bad fall and got me to use a spell to slow the process of labour. But..." Mordred stopped not sure how to explain.

"I'm bleeding Gaius. The pain has been getting worse since yesterday. I had to remove the illusion spell, it was taking too much of my energy." Merlin sobbed out. She couldn't stand, and Mordred was holding her up. Gaius nodded and looked at Mordred.

"Mordred, do you have the energy to use the teleportation spell that you just used to bring your mother here, twice more?" Gaius asked. Mordred thought about it for a moment. He'd hardly used his magic at all on this journey, so his energy reserves were great, but the teleportation spell took a lot of energy to use. Finally, Mordred nodded, he would be able to do it, he was positive. Gaius visibly relaxed. "Mordred, I'm going to give you a letter, and you will need to get to Nemere on the outskirts of Camelot. There, living in a house close to the local tavern, is a woman called Alice. She's... older, as I am, but you will know her home because she has a totem hanging from a window. It's not obvious unless you're looking for it. If you give her this letter, she will come with you. I will need her help with this birth. I would normally call for a midwife, but no one in Camelot can be trusted to do this task in secrecy, and none would be prepared for any magical happenings. I've already sent Alice a letter to let her know what's happening. She knows who you are. She will come." Gaius instructed. Merlin looked pale, as Mordred still held on to her.

"Are you sure she'll come with me?" Mordred asked. Gaius nodded.

"Don't take your red cloak. Camelot Knights inspire a great deal of fear to those with magic." Gaius replied. Mordred nodded and looked at his mother.

"Mother? We need to get you laid down. You can't keep standing like this." Mordred said gently. Merlin nodded, as Gaius gestured to the spare cot that was kept for patients. Mordred walked Merlin over to the cot and gently helped her to first sit, and then lay down. Merlin was so pale that she was white and Mordred was now afraid for her life more than ever. "I'll be back with Alice soon Mother. It won't take me long." Mordred said. Just before he left, Merlin grabbed his hand.

"Wait Mordred." Merlin pleaded weakly. He knelt on the floor next to the cot.

"What's wrong Mother?" Mordred asked. Merlin smiled at him brightly, one of those rare smiles that had been reserved for him especially when he was small.

"I just... want you to know how much I love you. I know... I know I haven't... always made the best decisions... but..." Merlin gasped out.

"I love you too Mother. Nothing could ever change that." Mordred replied gently. Merlin raised a hand and stroked his cheek gently, and he held her hand there, against his cheek, remembering the warmth of her touch when he was just a small boy. Even now, Mordred wished he could just stay with her as they were, that moment frozen in time, but he knew he couldn't. "I'll be back Mother. I won't let you down." Mordred said gently. Merlin smiled weakly.

"I know you won't. You never could. You're my son." Merlin uttered. Then Mordred let go of her hand and moved from the cot, hating to part from his mother while she was in such pain. He uttered the words for the teleportation spell, as he pictured Alice in his mind. The Alice he had seen in his mother's memories, who had attended his birth, was easy to picture for him.

Within moments, Mordred found himself in a small village on the outskirts of Camelot. He was in the forest, near a small house. Mordred almost laughed in relief as he saw the inn a little ways away, and the totem of healing above the door of the house. He took a deep breath and went to knock on the door. He recognised the old woman who answered as Alice. She looked at him curiously.

"Can I help you young man?" Alice asked gently. Mordred nodded.

"I have a letter from Gaius. It's urgent that you come right away." Mordred replied, handing the letter to the old woman. Alice took the letter and opened it. Her old eyes scanned the writing quickly, and she looked at him strangely.

"I can see it. The resemblance is uncanny. You have your mother's eyes." Alice said. Then she gestured that he come into the house. He followed and watched as she gathered some things and put them in a satchel. "I've had this prepared for the last month, but from what Gaius says, I'll need these." Alice explained as she placed some more herbs into the satchel. Mordred wondered what exactly Alice needed the herbs for, but he didn't ask, afraid of the answer. Once she was ready to go, Mordred held out a hand.

"We'll have to use a teleportation spell to get there. I've had to be as quick as possible." Mordred said gently. Alice nodded and took hold of his arm. Within moments they had arrived back in Gaius' chambers. Mordred felt the drain on his energy almost instantly, but he had gotten Alice there, that was what was important. Mordred saw that his mother was wearing an old sack cloth night gown. It was something Gaius kept around for patients, and Mordred could see that there was blood staining it, and the sheets, as his mother screamed in pain. As she screamed, a glass vial shattered and its contents spilled to the ground.

"I've never seen such a storm in all my life." Alice said. Gaius nodded.

"It's Merlin's magic. Her distress is causing the weather to worsen." Gaius told Alice quietly. Mordred still heard and he repressed a shiver.

"I'm going to check if anyone can hear my mother outside." Mordred said.

"Be careful Mordred. You don't want to run into anyone if you can help it. Everything must remain as normal as possible." Gaius replied. Merlin screamed out in pain again, and an urn shattered into tiny fragments. Mordred clenched his fists, as he left Gaius' chambers. He walked a bit further down the corridor and listened out, but the storm drowned out any noises, including his footsteps. It was a wonder anyone was sleeping in this storm. Mordred decided he would go back into Gaius' chambers. Now was a time he might be needed more than ever, by his mother, and he didn't intend to let her down.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur and Gwen were in bed trying to sleep, both mussed and sweaty from their... reunion.

"Do you think we'll have a child? A little boy to call Elyan?" Gwen asked suddenly. Arthur blinked.

"I hope so, one day, but if not I still have you and that is all that matters." Arthur replied. They both heard the storm raging outside.

"That is an awful storm." Gwen said softly. Arthur nodded his agreement.

"I'm glad I told Merlin to go home when I did. He'd never have been able to walk back in this." Arthur replied. "Let's try and get some sleep. We'll both have a lot of duties to complete after disappearing for two days." Arthur added. Gwen saw the laughter behind his eyes. She wanted a little boy, with Arthur's eyes and her hair. Slowly she drifted in to sleep.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred could see his mother was in a lot of pain. She was losing a lot of blood too, and for every scream that came from her mouth, something shattered. Gaius looked worried and so did Alice.

"I don't know if I can do this." Merlin gasped out. Mordred blinked, he'd already seen this happen, he was about to be born.

"You can dear girl." Gaius replied firmly. Merlin looked over at Mordred.

"Mordred?" Merlin called to him, her voice trembling, reaching out a hand. He came to stand beside her, and took her hand in both of his own. "I'm sorry Mordred." Merlin sobbed out.

"What do you mean? What are you sorry for Mother?" Mordred asked gently.

"That day, when we came to get the crystal back, I abandoned you to those soldiers. You said you'd never forgive me, you'd never forget. If I had known..." Merlin trailed off as she screamed in pain. She grasped Mordred's hand tightly, every bit of her pain laced into her grasp, making it painfully tight. Several of Gaius' glass instruments shattered into fragments.

"Mother, there is nothing to forgive. I was growing again, my emotions were all over the place. I'll admit I did feel betrayed that day, but I understood Mother. I never should have said what I did because I would forgive you anything." Mordred told his mother firmly.

"You could have died." Merlin pleaded. Her eyes were filled with sadness, fear, pain and some nameless emotion that Mordred couldn't describe.

"But I didn't. I'm alive, and I'm alright. Now you have to be as strong as you've always been. You never need to fear me hating you Mother. I'd die before that could ever happen." Mordred told Merlin firmly.

"Push Merlin." Alice said. Merlin nodded and let out the loudest scream yet, as she pushed. She still held on to Mordred's hand tightly, and Mordred winced as he felt some of the bones in his hand grinding together in his Mother's grip. The table, where they had all taken so many of their meals, cracked in half and tipped over onto the ground, where the pieces rolled slightly, before going completely still. Then, it was over. All of a sudden a baby's cry filled the room.

"Obviously it's a boy." Gaius said as he checked over Alice's shoulder. The old woman washed baby Mordred carefully, and Merlin cried tears of joy as her baby's wailing became louder. Mordred looked down at his Mother as she smiled, tears still running down her face. Alice handed baby Mordred over to Merlin, and she cradled her son in her arms.

"My sweet baby. He's so perfect Gaius." Merlin whispered. Mordred felt strangely as he saw his mother cradling his infant self. Merlin looked at him and took his hand again. "Mordred, don't think that because I have you as a baby, that I don't need you with me. I will always need you. You have to be very careful." Merlin said gently. Mordred smiled at his mother and looked at Alice.

"I need to leave I'm afraid." Alice said.

"I know. Thank you for everything." Merlin replied. Alice nodded and Mordred offered her an arm.

"I'll make sure you get back safely." Mordred said. He prepared to use the teleportation spell to take him back to Alice's home. He had been resting after all. He'd had a chance to replenish his strength. Mordred looked at his mother. "As soon as you've got enough energy Mother, use your magic to heal yourself. At least you don't need to suffer." Mordred said gently. Merlin nodded.

"Make sure to get Alice home safely and that you get back safely too. Maybe we can fix some of the damage in here before anyone notices." Merlin replied, a laugh hidden behind her eyes. Mordred nodded, uttering the arcane words to allow him to teleport to Alice's home in mere instants.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next day, Merlin and Mordred sat together, baby Mordred in Merlin's arms.

"People are going to ask why you've called your son Mordred." Mordred said softly.

"Well, I thought it might be a good idea for us to take a walk. We need to hide baby you obviously. When we come back, I can say that you found him, and seeing as you've saved his life, I'm naming him after you." Merlin replied. "It wouldn't be a lie really. After all, you saved us both, if it weren't for you, we'd be dead. I don't know if I could have done everything I did without you." Merlin said. Mordred nodded, feeling a strange sense of pride well up within him.

"So an invisibility spell would be a good idea to hide baby me." Mordred said gently. Merlin nodded as she looked through her spell book, baby Mordred cradled in one arm, and the book open on her lap, Merlin quickly skimmed through the book. Mordred wondered to himself if she had done that often in his time as well, but he knew he could never ask her, because the question wouldn't make any sense.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

It had been strange for Arthur not to wake up to Merlin's voice, obnoxiously rousing him from sleep. He frowned that day as he looked for his tax scroll. Merlin knew where everything was, but for some reason, Arthur couldn't think where Merlin had put that scroll. Gwen looked at him strangely.

"What's wrong?" Gwen asked.

"I can't find that damn tax scroll. I'll have to go and ask Merlin where it is." Arthur stated.

"You gave him the day off." Gwen chided gently.

"I know. I'm not going to tell him to come to work. I do need that scroll. It's better to ask him then be searching for it all day and get no work done." Arthur said to Gwen. She gave a smile as Arthur left the room.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred and Merlin had already gone for their walk, and been seen coming back with baby Mordred. They were in Gaius' chambers, and Mordred knew that Arthur would be coming along any minute. So did Merlin, as she realised she had to change the baby's diaper. She sighed, her illusion once again firmly in place, as she gently placed her baby down to change the diaper, just as she'd finished, Arthur walked in. He looked confused to see Merlin and Mordred with a baby.

"Merlin? Is that a baby?" Arthur asked.

"Yes Arthur, this is a baby." Merlin replied.

"We found him in the forest. We asked around but nobody has even seen a pregnant woman around, let alone someone ready to give birth. We've no idea where the baby came from." Mordred replied. He had gone to Leon and Gwaine and got them to ask around about a missing baby, or an abandoned one. He knew there would be no one to trace his infant self back to. After all, Merlin had given birth to him and no one even knew she was a women. He had been right, not a single trace had turned up.

"So what's going to happen to the little one?" Arthur asked.

"Gaius and I talked about it and I've decided to take him in." Merlin stated. Arthur looked thoroughly confused.

"Well Merlin, I always knew you were a girl. So my best friend is now a father." Arthur said, laughing after a few moments. "Do you mind?" Arthur asked, holding his arms out. Mordred's heart stopped. Sometimes he almost forgot that Arthur was his father, but moments like these were undeniable, where Mordred wished to know his father's approval. Merlin didn't hesitate. She placed Mordred in his arms. It was the same as Mordred had seen in his mother's memories before. "What's his name?" Arthur asked.

"Mordred." Merlin replied.

"Mordred?" Arthur asked.

"Mordred found him, so I thought it would be a good idea to name him after his saviour." Merlin replied. Arthur shrugged and smiled, as he looked down at the baby in his arms.

"Well little Mordred, I will be your Uncle Arthur, and seeing as Merlin is useless at sword fighting, I'll teach you all about it. I'm sure when your Auntie Gwen has a baby, you will be best friends just like your father and I." Arthur said to the baby. The baby gurgled and stared up at Arthur. Mordred felt like he couldn't breathe. It was strange to see Arthur looking at his infant self with something that was akin to love and care. Arthur smiled down at the baby and then handed him back over to Merlin as he had done originally. "He's cute. He... he looks a lot like how I imagine you looked as a baby." Arthur said. Almost as though he weren't thinking about what he was saying. Mordred recalled him saying the same things in his mother's memories before. It was uncanny how everything seemed to be playing out almost exactly the same way as they had before.

"Are you saying I'm cute?" Merlin asked cheekily. Mordred could see the amusement behind her eyes.

"No! Of course not. But you must have been a cute baby. Gwen's always saying that you're sweet and that all babies are cute." Arthur blustered. Then he left. Merlin cradled Mordred close as Gaius came out of Merlin's room, where he'd been sat. Mordred and Gaius could see that sadness in Merlin's face.

"One day he's going to hate me for this." Merlin said softly. "He'll know this as the first time he held his own child, his first born, and he will hate me for not telling him the truth." Merlin added. Mordred walked over to his Mother and hugged her.

"He'll never hate you. I don't think he could ever hate you, just as I never could." Mordred tried to reassure his mother. He never told her that sometimes, he was afraid Arthur would hate him when he knew the truth too.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay all, that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Please R&R and let me know what you think.


	7. Chapter 7

Okay all, here is the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and to those who added me to their faves and alerts lists. I'm very grateful. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

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History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 7.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_Show me what it's like_

_To be the last one standing_

_And teach me wrong from right_

_And I'll show you what I can be_

_And say it for me, say it to me_

_And I'll leave this life behind me_

_Say it if it's worth savin' me." Savin' Me – Nickelback._

It had been three years. Mordred spent as much time as he could with his mother and Gaius, he also spent a great deal of time around the Knights and Gwen. The strangest part of him still being in the past was that he got to watch as his infant self grew. Mordred was in his mother's room, looking for the old spell book, when he heard Gaius' door open. He peeked through the door that was only slightly open, to see Gwen standing there. Merlin was holding his three year old self.

"Merlin! I'm pregnant!" Gwen stated, a grin spread across her face.

"I'm so happy for you Gwen." Merlin said. Again, Mordred noticed the sadness in his mother's eyes when Gwen did not. Mordred saw Gwen take his toddler self from Merlin and hug him.

"Anti Gwen!" The toddler squealed, as Gwen spun him around.

"Oh my baby will have such a good friend in little Mordred. Merlin you must promise that you'll bring Mordred to the nursery to play with the baby." Gwen said. Merlin resolutely promised, as Gwen tickled little Mordred's stomach.

xXxXxXx TWO MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred was confused when he came to the stables to find Arthur holding his toddler self outside. He had his horse saddled and ready for a ride.

"Look Mordred, this is a horse. We're going to ride him. What do you think?" Arthur said to the child.

"Horse name?" The toddler asked.

"Her name is Llamrei, Mordred." Arthur said.

"Ride Lammy?" toddler Mordred asked.

"Yes. We're going to ride Llamrei, Mordred." Arthur said. He put the toddler on the horse first, before climbing up behind him. Little Mordred squealed with delight, as Arthur put his small hands on the reigns. That was when Arthur saw him.

"Mordred! Were you looking for me?" Arthur called to him.

"Oh, no Sire. I just saw you with little Mordred when I was coming to check on my horse. He had a problem with his leg, but he seems to be getting better." Mordred replied. Arthur smiled and nodded.

"Bwofa! I riding!" The toddler called out. Mordred smiled at his toddler self. Little Mordred called Mordred his brother, which was true in a sense. Mordred was his older self.

"You're a brother, Merlin's his mama, although that doesn't surprise me. Merlin is such a girl." Arthur stated.

"Girl!" Toddler Mordred exclaimed, parroting Arthur. Arthur laughed and ruffled the boy's hair.

"Enjoy your ride." Mordred said. Arthur nodded and looked down at little Mordred.

"Let's go shall we Mordred?" Arthur asked the toddler. Little Mordred nodded eagerly, and Arthur urged the horse forward, little Mordred giggling with delight as he held on to the reigns. Arthur had one hand on the reigns over little Mordred's and his other arm wrapped tight around him, ready to stop him falling from the horse at any point. It was strange, Mordred thought that he'd never seen them look more like a father and son then they did at this moment. It made him feel such sadness. If they were lucky, Morgana would never get the chance to kill Gwen's child, and she wouldn't get the chance to take Camelot. That meant that she would not reveal Merlin's secret. Arthur would never know that Merlin was a woman, and would therefore, never know that Mordred was his son. Mordred wasn't sure whether he thought this was a good thing or a bad thing. He wasn't sure if he wanted Arthur to know him for who he was or not. But he felt his heart clench at the idea that he would never be able to call Arthur his father.

xXxXxXx THREE MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred stood by his mother, as she held his toddler self in her arms. The other knights stood beside him as Gwen and Arthur stood in front of their thrones. They were announcing Gwen's pregnancy now that they were sure nothing would go wrong. Gwen was six months pregnant by Gaius' estimate. Mordred knew that Morgana would attack soon. Within the next three months, before this child was born, Morgana would attack and Mordred would be ready.

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred was with his mother, watching her tuck his toddler self into bed one night, when little Mordred looked at them sadly.

"Mama I dun wan the mean lady to come to Camelot." Little Mordred said.

"What mean lady my Mordred?" Merlin asked her young son gently.

"Morgana. Dat's wat you called her in my dream." Little Mordred replied.

"What happened in your dream Mordred?" Mordred asked his young self. The boy looked at them both warily before he started to explain. From his garbled language and his fear, Mordred and Merlin had both found out that little Mordred had dreamed of the night that Morgana would come to Camelot and kill Gwen's unborn child.

"We won't let the mean lady hurt anyone my sweetheart. Go to sleep. Everything will be alright." Merlin told her small son. He nodded and soon, he was breathing deeply and evenly, sleeping the sleep of the innocent.

"It will happen soon mother." Mordred said sadly.

"No. Because I won't let it happen Mordred. Gwen will not lose her child. I will not allow that to happen." Merlin said firmly. Mordred could only pray that she was right.

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Gwaine had married Princess Elena, and the feast was a grand occasion. Gwen was sitting there, dressed in a beautiful pink gown, her stomach large with child. Mordred knew this was the night. He could feel it in his bones. Gwen was wearing the same gown as she had been in his mother's memories. Little Mordred was nearly four years old, and he was toddling around the hall, playing with a wooden sword that Arthur had given him. He said he was going to be a knight and protect his 'little brother' as soon as he was big enough. Everyone found it amusing that little Mordred thought the baby was going to be a boy. But Mordred knew that his younger self had already dreamed of Elyan Pendragon. It was when Merlin had put little Mordred to bed and had come back that Mordred was on high alert.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin was watching out for something, anything at all, that would alert her to Morgana's presence. She had poured Gwen a goblet of water and emptied a vial of tasteless, odourless, potion. This potion she had made, with Gaius' help, had the power to protect the unborn baby from any harm. It was like a giant shield that would encase the baby, and hopefully save Gwen from being hurt too badly. Seeing her own memories of Gwen losing her baby and her chance to have any more children had hurt her in a way she didn't understand really. All she knew was that she had to do everything she could to protect Gwen this time round. It had taken a month to prepare to potion, and now Merlin was going to make sure that Gwen got the protection she needed.

"Gwen." Merlin said gently. Gwen was rubbing her large stomach absently as she looked up at Merlin and smiled.

"Oh Merlin, have you bought me some more water? I'm so thirsty lately." Gwen asked. Merlin nodded and handed Gwen the cup. She watched Gwen gulp down the cup of water and she saw the faint glow of the magic potion working, before it faded away. Merlin let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding as she walked over to Mordred to let him know the potion had worked.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred saw his mother nod at him vaguely and let out his own breath of relief. His mother hadn't told him about the potion until this morning, in case she hadn't been able to have it ready in time, or if something had gone wrong with the brewing. It was at that moment that Morgana arrived.

"What do you want here Morgana?" Arthur asked. Mordred didn't need to look at Arthur to see his anger.

"Why, my dear brother, I just wanted to offer my congratulations to you and your wife. It's not every day the family gets bigger." Morgana said coldly. Then she held out a hand, and before Mordred could yell a warning, she had blasted a spell at Gwen, who was thrown into the pillar behind her. Just as Mordred had seen before

"Guinevere!" Arthur yelled fearfully as he knelt by her side, she was unconscious, and her body trembled. Again there was blood staining Gwen's dress, but not as much as Mordred remembered from his mother's memories. Morgana smirked as Merlin glared at her angrily.

"Guinevere will never give birth to a living child." Morgana stated. Then she was gone.

xXxXxXx SEVERAL HOURS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred was by Arthur's side as Merlin and Gaius were in Arthur's chambers, trying to save Gwen's life. Mordred could only hope that the potion had worked. When Merlin finally opened the door, a smile across her face, Mordred felt relief flow through him.

"Arthur, you have a son." Merlin stated, as she opened the door fully. She, as always when she was in the company of others, looked like a man. She held a mocha skinned baby in her arms, wrapped in a red blanket, with the Pendragon crest on it. The baby's hair was dark and curly. He had Gwen's looks, but when he opened his eyes, for just the slightest moment, Mordred saw his blue eyes. He knew those eyes would never change colour.

"Is Gwen alright?" Arthur asked as he looked at the child in Merlin's arms with wonder.

"She will be fine. They were both lucky." Merlin said gently, and then held out the baby towards Arthur. Arthur gently took hold of the baby boy.

"Hello Elyan." Arthur said to the baby gently. "Elyan Pendragon. What do you think Merlin?" Arthur asked. Merlin smiled brightly.

"I think it suits him. Elyan Thomas Pendragon." Merlin stated. Arthur blinked for a moment before nodding.

"Thomas for Tom, Gwen's father. I think it's the perfect name for him. Prince Elyan Thomas Pendragon. Little Mordred will be happy. He was so sure Elyan would be a boy and he was right." Arthur said gently. Merlin nodded as she looked at Mordred. Mordred gave a weak smile as he looked at Arthur with the baby. He knew that Arthur would never be able to show Mordred that kind of love and care. Mordred was just Merlin's son. Elyan, was his own son. The crowned Prince, or he would be one day. Mordred licked at his lips nervously as He watched Arthur walk into the room to see his wife, Elyan cradled in his arms. The door closed behind him. They walked back to Gaius chambers, and it was when they got back there and Merlin closed the door, that Mordred finally said what he was feeling.

"I never had that from him. He'd never love me unconditionally." Mordred said sadly. He felt the sadness overwhelming him. Merlin had removed the illusion spell when they had arrived in Gaius' chambers, and she pulled Mordred into her embrace. It was then that Mordred finally managed to allow himself to cry. He'd never thought about his situation before. He'd never heard the term 'bastard' used around him, but that was exactly what he was. He was a bastard, and his father could never acknowledge him, even if he knew Mordred was his son, because Mordred had been born out of wedlock. Mordred, for the first time, allowed himself to be angry. He allowed himself some sadness. It was Gaius, who found them later, Merlin sat in a chair by the fire, with Mordred's head in her lap, as she stroked his hair gently. Gaius heard what Merlin said as he came in to the room.

"Don't ever feel that you're less because of the way you were born Mordred. Don't ever think of yourself badly for it. You're the most precious thing in this world to me. You are loved Mordred. Nothing and no one will ever change how much you are loved." Merlin told her son. Her voice soothed him as she stroked his hair. Gaius smiled as he took in the scene. Not wanting to disturb them he grabbed the herbs he needed quietly and gave Merlin a nod. Merlin nodded back. Mordred had never noticed Gaius arriving or leaving as he listened to his mother's kind words.

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Okay all, that's it for this chapter. Please R&R and let me know what you thought and I will be updating tomorrow at some point. (nods)


	8. Chapter 8

Okay all, here's the next chapter. We're getting close to the end. Originally I was going to make this a one shot and (believe it or not) originally I was going to make Arthur an antagonist, running off to try and kill Mordred. In fact, originally when I wrote the first chapter of this fic (which involved all of Mordred's memories and Merlin's) Merlin was originally going to die in Arthur's chambers after he ran her through and innocent little Mordred was going to see this. But then I got angry at Morgana for killing Alator, so she became the antagonist. LOL! Also, Gwen was NOT going to have any children. My plan was to write about childless Gwen, who was angry at Merlin (despite the fact that her husband raped a girl Merlin) because Merlin had a child and she didn't. However, as I carried on writing the story became different. I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing quite yet. LOL!

Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and to all those who added me to their faves and alerts lists. I'm extremely grateful and appreciative. Also, the conversation between Sir Mordred and Little Mordred, was inspired by a review from BloodyHell95. So this is a shout out to her. (nods)

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History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 8.

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"_She never slows down,_

_She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like it's all coming down,_

_She won't turn around,_

_The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down._

_So stand in the rain,_

_Stand your ground,_

_Stand up when it's all crashing down,_

_You stand through the pain,_

_You won't drown,_

_And one day, what's lost can be found,_

_You stand in the rain." Stand In The Rain – Superchicks._

It wasn't long before little Mordred spent all of his time in the nursery by Prince Elyan's side. One day, Merlin walked into the nursery and dropped all the things she'd been carrying when she saw little Mordred creating balls of light over Elyan's crib for him to play with.

"Mordred! You must never do that again!" Merlin exclaimed. Little Mordred looked confused.

"He likes it, Mother. Besides, big brother used to do it for me." Little Mordred replied. Merlin looked around to see if anyone was listening. "I thought my magic wasn't bad." Little Mordred whispered. Merlin hugged her four year old son close.

"It's not bad my sweetheart. But you mustn't let anyone see your magic. People here in Camelot think magic is bad. The law says that anyone who uses magic will die. You mustn't let anyone see you using it." Merlin pleaded, trying to explain something that was almost unexplainable to a small child.

"I'll be careful Mother." Little Mordred said softly, looking frightened. Merlin hugged her son tightly. Her fear that little Mordred would get caught using magic grew greater, the older he got. Merlin was determined that both versions of her son would be safe, and she had already decided that she would die if she had to, to make sure that happened.

xXxXxXx ONE YEAR LATER xXxXxXx

Gwen was once again pregnant. This time there was no interference from Morgana. Merlin found herself worried about this. Of course she didn't want Morgana to attack Gwen, but by Morgana making no move, Merlin knew she was planning something else. Merlin wondered if Morgana had managed to learn of Mordred's parentage for she knew, from seeing her future self's memories, that Morgana would find out. It was when Gwen went into labour early that Merlin realised why Morgana hadn't made any effort to attack Gwen. The curse Morgana had placed on Gwen, when she had stated that Gwen would never bear a living child, meant that Gwen would always suffer through any pregnancy. The baby that Gaius had to deliver by cutting open Gwen's stomach, once again, was a girl. It was when the child didn't wail that Merlin felt true terror. She used her magic and found the weakness within the baby. She used her magic to heal the baby girl's underdeveloped lungs, and within moments the child cried again. Gwen, had once again missed the first cry of her child, unconscious as she was for the procedure, but again, Merlin had saved the child from an almost certain death. Arthur and Gwen named the child Ygraine after Arthur's mother. She had Arthur's golden hair and Gwen's mocha skin. Merlin saw the child's blue eyes, but had a feeling they would change to Gwen's chocolate brown before she was a year old. Merlin felt a great fear gather within her as she wondered how Morgana had managed such a powerful curse on Gwen. It was the kind of dark magic Merlin had always feared seeing. Something about thwarting the curse had taken a piece of Merlin with the child. Merlin had felt this both times she had interfered and saved the royal children, almost as though a part of her soul was gone. Merlin found herself hoping, within that moment, that Gwen would not become pregnant again. Gaius had informed Merlin that Gwen may not survive another pregnancy.

xXxXxXx ONE YEAR LATER xXxXxXx

A heavily pregnant Gwen walked the halls of Camelot once again. She was escorted by Merlin as they walked around the courtyard. Gaius had insisted on mostly bed rest for the Queen. She was allowed to take a walk later in the evenings, so that the birth would, hopefully, not be too difficult for her.

"Merlin?" Gwen asked. Merlin looked at Gwen, waiting for the question. "Sometimes I think I'm cursed. I almost lost two children, and now I'm having a third child and everything seems to be difficult. I'm only allowed to walk at night when the halls and courtyard are clear. I'm not even allowed to sit in my chambers, I have to lay down constantly. It's frustrating." Gwen said. Merlin smiled weakly.

"Well stop having babies." Merlin stated cheekily. Gwen laughed.

"I don't think that's quite how it works Merlin." Gwen replied. It was at that moment that Mordred arrived looking at the two women.

"Sir Mordred. It's good to see you. I don't think I've seen you in... well a good while." Gwen stated cheerfully.

"I saw you last week my lady." Mordred said kindly. That was when Arthur also arrived.

"You won't be seeing him for another week I'd guess. Our Sir Mordred is heading off to the White Mountains." Arthur said sadly. Merlin felt her heart stop.

"What's happened? Is it Morgana?" Gwen asked.

"It appears she is massing an army in the White Mountains." Mordred said softly. Merlin wanted to scream. This was a trap, meant to kill or lure Arthur, for Kilgarrah had spoken to her not a week ago and he had not see Morgana massing an army when he had flown over the White Mountains. If he had, Merlin knew Kilgarrah would have told her. Now it would be Mordred that might be captured or killed, and Merlin was terrified.

"Merlin don't look so worried. He'll be back in a week and Leon is leading them." Arthur stated. Merlin and Mordred both knew that Arthur and Gwen thought they were a couple. It made things easier to just allow them to think it. Merlin nor Mordred ever confirmed it because it would be a lie. But just... not telling them the truth was still hard for them both. Merlin nodded.

"Of course. When are you leaving Sir Mordred?" Merlin asked.

"Dawn tomorrow." Mordred replied.

"Well come to Gaius' chambers and Gaius and I will put some herbs together in case they're needed." Merlin replied. Mordred nodded.

"Of course Merlin. I'll come to Gaius' chambers as soon as I'm packed." Mordred replied.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Later that night, when Mordred finally came to Gaius' chambers, he found his mother pacing backwards and forwards in her female form. She was wearing a night shirt and night trousers, and her feet were bare, as they hit the wood in her pacing. Her short hair was wild, as though she had been running her hands through it in frenzied worry. Merlin turned to Mordred and rushed forward to embrace him, tears falling from her eyes.

"You can't go." Merlin sobbed, shaking her head in denial at the idea of her son leaving.

"I have to go Mother. You know that." Mordred said sadly.

"It's a trap and it's probably meant for Arthur. I won't lose you." Merlin sobbed.

"You'll never lose me, Mother." Mordred replied.

"She may have learned of your identity Mordred. She may be doing this to get hold of you too." Merlin said. Her eyes pleaded with him not to go, to find a way to avoid going, but Mordred knew he could not. Not even for his beloved mother, could Mordred deny the mission he'd been given and make himself look a coward. It would cause too much suspicion.

"You know that I can't refuse Mother. I wish I could, for you I would do anything, but I cannot refuse to go on this mission. Arthur would never accept any reason. Even if I told him I was a coward and frightened, he would be angry and he would know it wasn't true. What reason could I give him Mother?" Mordred asked. Merlin visibly slumped, but she did not let go of Mordred.

"You are my son. I can't lose you. I can't let her kill you Mordred. You must make me a promise." Merlin said softly.

"If I can I will." Mordred replied.

"If it comes down to a choice, you must use your magic to protect yourself Mordred. You mustn't let her capture you. You mustn't be afraid to reveal yourself to stop her. Promise me Mordred." Merlin begged, and Mordred thought about it for a moment. He knew what his mother was asking of him. If Mordred was seen using magic, he could not return to Camelot. But he could take refuge with Kilgarrah and come when he was needed. His mother would never abandon him. She would miss him terribly, she would visit him at every opportunity she could get. But it wouldn't be the same as it had been for nearly six years. He would not have constant access to her, and she would not have constant access to him. But if Morgana managed to capture him, then she would kill him, or try to manipulate him, which would be far worse. He knew that if it came to a choice, his mother wanted him to live free, not in Morgana's clutches.

"I promise you mother. I will do everything I can to avoid capture, even if it means using my magic." Mordred promised. Merlin smiled weakly and hugged him tightly. Mordred took a deep breath as he hugged her back. He truly hoped that it wouldn't come to that. "I'm going to go and say goodbye to little Mordred." Mordred said. Merlin nodded and let him go into the small room that she shared with her young son. Little Mordred was sitting up in bed, looking at Mordred carefully.

"I have to go on a mission at dawn Mordred." Mordred told his younger self. Little Mordred nodded his understanding.

"I know. I saw it." Little Mordred said. Mordred looked at his smaller self, wondering if by travelling back in time he'd affected the growth of his younger self in some way.

"I'll miss you." Mordred told his younger self.

"No you won't. We're the same person." Little Mordred replied.

"What do you mean by the same, Mordred?" Mordred asked.

"You're bigger me, and I'm little you." Little Mordred replied. Mordred was shocked that his nearly six year old self seemed to have so much comprehension of the fact. "Mother thinks that I'm too young to know. But I always knew. I can feel you in my head, I always know when you're in trouble. Kilgarrah told me that I can channel you because we're the same person." The boy said.

"You went to see Kilgarrah by yourself?" Mordred asked. Little Mordred shook his head.

"No. It was when you and Mother went to refill our water skins last time we went to see Kilgarrah. I asked him and he told me." Little Mordred replied.

"What else do you know?" Mordred asked his smaller self. The child frowned.

"We're connected. I don't know everything. But I know we're the same." Little Mordred said softly. Mordred picked up his younger self and hugged him tightly. "Mother loves us both the same too. It's almost like having a big brother. But you're me. So we get more love than anyone else. Because we get extra love from everyone. Not just Mother, but Grandpa Gaius, Uncle Arthur, Auntie Gwen and everyone else." Little Mordred said. Mordred smiled at his younger self as he thought about what he had learned.

"Mordred, we're going to have a talk, and I want you to pay attention to what I tell you, and always remember it." Mordred told his smaller self. Little Mordred waited, and listened with rapt attention, as Mordred spoke to his younger self, laying out a path for the future.

xXxXxXx THREE DAYS LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred followed his party into the White Mountains. Leon was sure to keep them out of sight of the main paths and at first, Mordred had thought, hoped, that they would avoid Morgana, or that she had not planned a trap. But he knew it was inevitable. Morgana, with her own force of Saxon men, found them. The knights of Camelot fought back, but Morgana and her Saxons were killing them. Just as Morgana was about to kill Leon, Mordred did the only thing he could do. He used his magic, throwing Morgana into a boulder. He heard the crunch of the icy impact, and then saw Leon looking at him in a daze. Mordred walked over and saw that Leon was injured. He looked at Leon, and then at the remaining Saxons. Before Leon could say anything, Mordred uttered a spell, healing the older knight's wounds.

"You have magic?" Leon asked.

"Go. Take the men and go back to Camelot. Warn Arthur. I'll keep them occupied. You'll get away." Mordred said.

"You can't take on so many by yourself." Leon stated.

"If I came with you, Arthur would kill me for possessing magic Leon. Go. I'll do what I can. If I die it's no more then what would happen to me in Camelot. Get out of here, someone needs to hold them off. Arthur needs to know what's happening." Mordred said. Leon nodded, and got up. Before he left, gathering as many of the men as he could, he looked back at Mordred, who was using his magic to hold off the Saxons. Leon left, knowing that telling Arthur about all this would be terribly hard.

xXxXxXx CAMELOT xXxXxXx

Gwen had gone in to labour. It had once again been early, and for the first time, Gwen had not had to be rendered unconscious. Merlin and Gaius were there as the midwife delivered Gwen's third child. Gwen was not doing so well. There was a great deal of blood and the midwife was positive that the Queen's womb had ruptured. Gaius had to take over after the midwife had delivered the child, who once again did not cry. Gwen passed out from the blood loss. Merlin felt a terrible coil of dread curling in her stomach.

"There is something wrong." The midwife said softly. Merlin took the small baby from the midwife. Merlin could feel something was not right. The child did not draw breath or wail.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Merlin asked.

"A boy, but he is not breathing." The old midwife said sadly. Merlin felt a horrible jolt go through her as she looked at the baby. There was only one way Merlin might be able to save this baby, and it was once again through magic, for Merlin could feel the pulse of the small baby under her fingertips. She needed to know the midwife wouldn't see what she did, so she did the only thing she could do.

"Dead or alive, this prince needs to be bathed. I'll take him into the next room." Merlin said softly. The midwife was about to follow her, when Gaius called the older woman back.

"I think there is another baby!" Gaius called in alarm. Merlin felt her heart sink. Another child, meant Merlin would need to work doubly hard to thwart the curse. The midwife ran back, giving Merlin the only chance she was going to get. She took the small baby boy into the next room and cleaned him with the basin of water that had been prepared especially for this, and as she did this, Merlin used her magic to find the source of the child being unable to breathe. She almost sighed with relief as she realised that there was a blood clot blocking the baby's air passage. Merlin used her magic to dislodge it and then removed it by placing a finger in the baby's mouth and swiping it away. It was a large clot, not something the midwife would have missed. But Merlin knew this wasn't the work of the midwife, but of the dark magic that had cursed Gwen to never give birth to a living child. Merlin had thwarted the curse three times now. But she wasn't sure how many more times she could keep it up. As Merlin cleared the baby boy's airway, the baby started to wail.

"Hello little prince. Welcome to the world of the living." Merlin whispered to him. The child still cried as Merlin bathed him fully and wrapped him in a beautiful blanket of red, as she had done for all the royal babies. The Midwife ran in with another small bundle. Merlin felt horror wash over her as she saw the baby was blue. Gwen had been carrying twins. Merlin wanted to sob as she realised that the baby was not moving. The Midwife looked at Merlin in amazement.

"The boy was all but dead and you gave him life. If you were a woman, I'd tell you to become a midwife." The old woman said. She took the boy from Merlin and handed her the other child. "It's a girl. I'm going to take this one to the King. Whatever you did I hope you can do it for this one too. I've never seen a baby so blue at birth." The midwife said sadly. Merlin nodded as the old midwife left the room, leaving Merlin to bathe the second child. Merlin looked at the tiny girl, not sure if she could save her. She started to bathe this second child, praying her magic could find a cause for her inability to breathe.

xXxXxXx THE WHITE MOUNTAINS xXxXxXx

Mordred had given the other knights a chance to escape. Now he used his magic to knock out the Saxon men who were left, and then he ran. He ran as far as he could while calling out for Kilgarrah. He knew that once Morgana woke she would come after him and if he wasn't far enough away, there would be no way he could keep his promise to his mother. He'd managed to take Morgana by surprise when he'd used his magic against her. He knew he wouldn't have the same advantage a second time. He could only hope that he could get to Kilgarrah in time to get away from Morgana.

xXxXxXx CAMELOT xXxXxXx

Merlin wasn't sure how, but she had managed to get the newborn princess breathing. The girl was slowly regaining colour, and was wailing fit to burst. Merlin breathed out a sigh of relief as she rocked the girl back and forth in her arms. She looked up when the midwife entered the room again.

"What was wrong with them? I don't understand why they weren't breathing." The midwife asked.

"The boy had a blood clot caught in his airway and the girl had some fluid on her lungs." Merlin replied. The midwife nodded.

"It's a shame you aren't planning to become the physician here. You would be a great physician to take over when poor Gaius finally decides to retire." The old midwife said. Merlin smiled at the old woman. "I'm so glad you were here young man. I really didn't see it. I should have, I've been a midwife for many years. It was strange." The midwife said.

"I almost didn't spot it myself. Don't blame yourself. I don't know how I managed to spot it. I just thank the gods that I did," Merlin replied. The old woman smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad you did too." The midwife said, before turning to leave.

"How is Gwen- I mean the Queen?" Merlin asked, catching herself in time. The midwife laughed a little at Merlin's slip.

"She... the Queen... she will be fine hopefully. At least Gaius says so. But she will never have another child. Gaius had to remove her womb or she would have bled to death. You have saved the last children the Queen will ever have. You should be very proud." The midwife replied.

"I did my duty. I'm just glad I could do it." Merlin replied. The old woman nodded and left the room, taking the girl with her. Merlin collapsed into a chair, her energy spent, and just prayed for Mordred's safety.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur stared at the midwife and Gaius.

"Merlin saved them both?" Arthur asked.

"Yes Sire. What he did was nothing short of a miracle. I was positive that both children were dead. Neither one of them were breathing sire, I'm sorry to say I would not have been able to save them. But that man did not give up on them. He spent a good thirty minutes saving your son and a further hour saving your daughter. I was amazed my lord. I truly thought they were still born. They did not wail, they did not breathe, but he managed to save them." The midwife said. Gaius looked at Arthur to see the look of gratitude cross his face. "You should be glad you have such a loyal servant. I told him he should be proud." The midwife stated.

"What did he say?" Arthur asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

"He said he was only doing his duty and he was glad that he could do anything at all. He's got modesty that young man. But if he were a woman I'd tell him to become a midwife, I'll say it true. If he hadn't been there, neither child would have survived." The midwife replied.

xXxXxXx THE NEXT DAY xXxXxXx

Merlin was helping Gwen to sit up in her bed, as he passed the baby girl to her. Gwen looked at her daughter, who held black hair like her mothers, but it was thick and straight like her father's, and her skin was tanned like her father's also. Her eyes were a vibrant blue when she opened them.

"I can't help but think that if you were a girl this is what you'd look like." Gwen told Merlin honestly. Merlin smiled, knowing that one day, Gwen may just find out that Merlin was a woman. That was when Arthur entered the room.

"Merlin?" Merlin looked at Arthur as he spoke. "We've decided that our daughter will be named Merlin, after you." Arthur said seriously. Merlin felt her jaw drop in surprise.

"I- why?" Merlin asked. She was confused beyond belief.

"If it wasn't for you Merlin, both of them would be dead. The midwife told Arthur what you did. You saved their lives. If not for you they would both be dead." Gwen said. Merlin looked at the baby girl in Gwen's arms.

"I'm truly honoured." Merlin said softly. Then looked at the baby boy that Arthur had just picked up. "What did you plan to name your son?" Merlin asked.

"Uther, for my father." Arthur replied. Merlin smiled.

"It's a good name." Merlin said, knowing how much it meant to Arthur to hear it.

xXxXxXx THREE DAYS LATER xXxXxXx

It was when the trumpets went off signalling the return of the Knights, that Merlin knew something was wrong. Normally, Mordred would contact her through the mental link they shared, letting her know he had returned. But this time he had not. Merlin felt her heart clench painfully in her chest.

"Merlin?" Gaius asked.

"Mordred didn't contact me. That means he isn't with them, he's hurt, or..." Merlin trailed off, not wanting to think that Mordred was dead. "Gaius? Tell me he isn't dead." Merlin pleaded.

"I'm sure he's fine Merlin. Wherever he is, I'm sure he is alright." Gaius consoled. The pair made their way to the throne room to find out what had happened. The report that Leon gave was shocking to most, but Merlin knew as soon as Leon started to speak what he would say. Mordred had revealed his magic to stop Morgana, and had fled. Merlin felt her hands shaking as she looked at Arthur.

"Mordred can no longer be a knight of Camelot. He has broken the laws of Camelot by practising magic. Should he return to Camelot, he will face the executioners axe, and anyone caught helping him will face severe punishment." Arthur stated to the gathering of people. Merlin's blood ran cold in that moment. She would have to be more careful than ever before about what she did.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. Next chapter will bring everything to a head, as well as a few shocks. Please R&R and let me know what you thought and if you have any questions I am more than happy to answer them. Once again, I will update tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

Okay all, so here is the next chapter. Everything will come to a giant head (seriously this chapter is humongous), with a few twists and turns, hopefully ones you won't have seen coming. Thanks to everyone who've read and reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts. I'm extremely grateful to all of you.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 9.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_This gift is my curse for now._

_I see your face with every punch I take,_

_and every bone I break, it's all for you._

_And my worst pains are words I cannot say._

_Still I will always fight on for you." Gifts and Curses – Yellowcard_

Merlin felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over her. She felt Gaius squeeze her hand reassuringly as she stopped herself from trembling. She looked at Arthur, and while she could see that he was hurting, see the pain in his eyes, she knew that he would not change his mind about Mordred. She knew what she would be doing tonight, whether Arthur decreed against it or not. She would not betray her son. She needed to see he was not hurt.

xXxXxXx LATE THAT NIGHT xXxXxXx

Merlin pulled an on an old cloak, and determinedly made her way towards the forest. She avoided being seen by any guards, and headed towards the same clearing she always used to call Kilgarrah. She trembled as she allowed her male illusion to slip, knowing she was alone. Or at least that was what she thought.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Sir Leon wasn't sure whether to be horrified, angry or just plain terrified. He'd never thought in a million years that Merlin was a magic user. It couldn't be possible. He saw the short haired woman call out in a language that was so arcane that Leon had no doubt it was magic. He watched and waited for whatever was supposed to happen. He knew he would have to report this to Arthur and he knew it would break the man's heart. Arthur had viewed Merlin as a brother for so long, that Leon wasn't sure if his king could stand another betrayal. It seemed like he was waiting for forever until he heard the flapping of wings. Leon's eyes went wide as he saw the great dragon land with Mordred on his back. The young Knight jumped down from where he sat and ran to Merlin, who embraced him tightly. The dragon was soon gone.

"Oh Mordred. I was so frightened she'd killed you or captured you." Merlin said. Her voice was so different as a woman, yet Leon could still recognise the Merlin he'd known for years underneath it. He could hear a deep sense of fear and worry in the tone of Merlin's voice, but considering that everyone assumed Mordred and Merlin were... involved as it were, Leon wasn't surprised.

"I made you a promise Mother. If it came to our lives or capture, or revealing the magic I inherited from you, I was to choose my life. I did. I wanted to save Leon and the others but I'm assuming Arthur didn't take it well." Mordred replied. Merlin's face seemed to gain worry lines in moments. Now Leon was in utter shock. Mordred was Merlin's son? It made no sense. Everyone knew Merlin was only a few years younger than Arthur. Too young to have a young adult son. Yet Mordred called her mother. Then a realisation came to Leon. The boy, little Mordred, had always called Merlin 'Mother' even though everyone had always thought Merlin was a man. Merlin and Mordred possessed magic, did this mean the boy did too? Could this young Knight, with the same name as little Mordred, _be_ little Mordred? Was magic capable of bringing someone from the future backwards in time? Leon had many questions as he listened to the exchange between mother and son.

"Arthur has decreed that if you return to Camelot you will face the executioner's axe, and anyone who helps you faces punishment." Merlin replied.

"You should not have come, Mother. Not so soon. If anyone were to see you, follow you..." Mordred said. Leon decided now was the time to make himself known.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"She has already been seen." Mordred and Merlin both looked at Leon in shock. Merlin's eyes were wide as she looked at Mordred.

"Go Mordred. Please." Merlin begged, not wanting to see her son hurt. Leon's sword came out from its sheath within moments, and Leon had it pointed at Merlin's throat.

"Don't think about it Mordred. I want to know what is going on here. If I have to, I will kill Merlin to find the truth." Leon stated. Merlin felt the sharp point of Leon's steel pressed to her throat and knew that he meant what he said.

"Don't Leon." Mordred pleaded. His own heart stopped. He couldn't lose his mother again. "Please don't hurt her. She's only ever tried to protect Arthur, just as I have, I'm begging you, don't hurt her." Mordred pleaded.

"I'll explain everything I can Leon." Merlin said gently.

"You might want to start by explaining how we've known you as a man for so long when you are a woman." Leon hissed. The betrayal he felt was laced into his voice.

"I... it was never supposed to be like this Leon. It truly wasn't. When I came to Camelot, I used the one spell I'd ever learned to make myself look like a man so that I wouldn't be attacked on the road. When I got to Camelot I had planned to let the illusion go, but as soon as I found out that magic was illegal here, I was stuck with my disguise. I couldn't enter the city as a man, and carry on living as a woman. As for my magic, I was born with it." Merlin said softly.

"That's impossible." Leon stated.

"No. It's not. I was born this way. When I was a few hours old, my mother told me I created lights over my cradle. I didn't choose magic, magic chose me." Merlin said.

"I've never heard of such a thing." Leon shot back.

"That's because I'm the only one like me. My magic exists to help Arthur. One day he will create a Kingdom of peace for everyone but I was destined to help him do that. It's not something I've ever chosen or sought, but I've done my best to protect Arthur and help him. You have no idea the things I've suffered protecting him, Leon. I know you don't believe me. I know you have no reason to trust what I'm saying. All I can say is you've known me for long enough Leon. I've never lied about who I am. I've never hidden myself, just my magic and gender. Do you really think I mean Arthur any harm? Truly?" Merlin pleaded.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Leon looked at Merlin, her eyes were the same as he had always known them, kind and open and honest.

"Could you say you wouldn't do the same if you were in her position Leon?" Mordred asked. That bought up a whole new bunch of questions for Leon. If the situation was reversed, would Leon have stayed by Arthur's side and pretended to be something he was not, in order to protect him? Leon knew in that moment that Merlin was not evil. She was just caught by circumstance. There was also the fact that Merlin had Arthur's trust. She could've killed Arthur numerous times by now. She hadn't and she clearly never meant to, or Arthur would be dead by now. Leon lowered his sword.

"I need you to tell me exactly what you've been doing since you got to Camelot. I want to know how you've saved Arthur and when. I want to know everything." Leon said. Merlin looked at Mordred and sighed.

"You best make yourself comfortable. This could take a while." Merlin replied.

xXxXxXx DAWN xXxXxXx

Leon couldn't believe it. Merlin had given everything for Arthur. Her whole life, her female identity, her own chances at happiness, over and over again, just to keep Arthur safe. There was one question Merlin had not answered, that troubled Leon for reasons he didn't understand himself.

"What about Mordred? You've told me why he's here, how he came from the future, to save us all from death. But someone else must know you're a woman for you to have given birth to a child. Who's his father?" Leon asked. Mordred and Merlin looked at each other and Merlin shook her head.

"I can't tell you Leon. I can't. I've kept the secret this long and I'll continue to keep it to protect Mordred and myself. I won't let anyone hurt him. Surely you understand that." Merlin said. Leon could see a deep rooted fear in Merlin's eyes when she spoke. He knew she was frightened of anyone knowing the truth of her child's parentage. Leon took a breath.

"Alright Merlin. I... I never thought I'd ever say something like this... especially to you... but..." Leon couldn't help trailing off. What he was about to say would change everything he'd ever believed in. "I'll protect you and I'll keep your secret Merlin. I will keep it until the day I die if it comes to that." Leon said. He didn't know what it was, but he truly believed that Merlin was only protecting Arthur.

"I will not make the same guarantee." Leon turned to look at the last person he ever expected to turn on Merlin...

Gwaine.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Gwaine had followed Leon to the forest. He couldn't hear the conversation between Merlin and Leon, he'd only heard the last part as he decided to reveal himself. He felt betrayed. His father had been killed in the service of another King, fighting sorcerers, who attacked the Kingdom. How could Merlin be a Sorceress? It didn't seem real. In that moment, Gwaine was sure this was an imposter, that this wasn't Merlin. So he reacted the only way he knew how.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin felt Mordred clutch her hand tightly as she looked at her friend. Gwaine was the last person Merlin had ever expected to look at her in anger.

"I can't believe you're letting them take you in Leon. They're sorcerers. I don't know what the hell this... imposter told you, but this can't be our Merlin." Gwaine stated coldly. Leon's expression changed then.

"For a moment... I almost forgot... they were my friends Gwaine. You must go and warn Arthur." Leon drew his sword, pointing it at Merlin once again, the point against her throat. "I'll make sure they don't run." Leon added. Gwaine nodded and looked at them before leaving, trusting Leon completely. When Gwaine was gone, Leon looked at Merlin and Mordred, before lowering his sword. "You should both run now, while you have the chance." Leon said. Merlin felt confusion wash over her.

"I don't understand." Merlin said softly.

"I promised to protect you Merlin. Knock me out and run. Little Mordred will be safe in Camelot for now. Neither of you will be safe now unless you flee. Gwaine didn't hear anything you told me. Arthur always thought that you and...Sir Mordred were involved. It's possible that he will now think that the pair of you, are Little Mordred's parents. I won't correct him if he assumes it. I'll make sure your son is safe and if he isn't, I promise you that I will smuggle him out of Camelot myself to you. You haven't got much time before Gwaine returns. Make it quick, knock me out and leave before Gwaine has the citadel up in arms." Leon said. Merlin looked at Leon sadly.

"I hate to do this Leon." Mordred said softly. He uttered a few words, and Leon fell asleep, slumping to the ground. Merlin and Mordred looked at each other.

"I don't want to leave him, just as I never wanted to leave you." Merlin said fearfully.

"Gaius will look after little me, Mother. Even Arthur and Gwen will. We haven't got a choice but to run." Mordred replied. Merlin felt her heart break as she called for Kilgarrah again and climbed up on his back behind Mordred, and the pair flew away, Merlin never taking her eyes from the physician's tower, where her small son slept peacefully. He had no idea how things would change when he awoke.

xXxXxXx THE NEXT MORNING xXxXxXx

Little Mordred awoke feeling troubled. He went to find his mother, but she wasn't sleeping in her bed. He went to find Gaius, and saw the old man sleeping in a chair by the fire. He looked tired, so little Mordred did not wake him, but used his magic to pull a blanket over Gaius to keep the old man warm. Then he wandered out into the corridor. He hadn't wandered too far before he bumped into his Uncle Gwaine.

"Uncle Gwaine!" Little Mordred exclaimed happily. Gwaine looked down at him sadly. "What's wrong Uncle Gwaine? Where's Mother? I can't find Mother." Little Mordred asked. He was confused when Gwaine picked him up and hugged him tightly.

"She's gone, Mordred. She's gone now." Gwaine said softly. Little Mordred didn't understand what Gwaine meant at all. It was when Leon came around the corner that little Mordred got a strange feeling that something had happened.

"Gwaine, I'm going to take him back to Gaius. We need to be briefed by Arthur in a little while. I know you won't want to leave him if you take him back to Gaius." Leon said gently. Gwaine looked so sad as he handed little Mordred over to Leon.

"I'll come to see you later Mordred. I promise." Gwaine said.

"Will you bring Mother with you?" Little Mordred asked. Gwaine shook his head and left. Leon headed back to Gaius' chambers with the, nearly, six year old boy in his arms. Once he had walked in and set little Mordred down, Leon went to wake Gaius. "Don't wake Grampa Gaius up. He's tired." Little Mordred stated. Leon gave him a sad smile.

"I know little one. But I have to wake him so I can talk to you both about your Mother." Leon said. Little Mordred nodded, his confusion growing greater. Once Gaius was awake, Leon began speaking to Mordred. "Mordred, your Mother was seen using magic. She's in trouble, so she had to go away with Sir Mordred. But she is alright." Leon told the little boy kindly.

"Mother and big brother? Where did they go? Why did they leave me?" Little Mordred asked. Leon ruffled the boys brown hair.

"They didn't want to leave you, little one. There was no time to come back and get you. I promised them that I and Grandpa Gaius would look after you until they can come back for you. But you mustn't tell anyone Mordred. If you do then your Mother and big brother won't be able to come back." Leon told Mordred.

"I can't tell anyone?" Little Mordred asked. Leon shook his head.

"No. Not anyone. You must keep it a secret." Leon said. Little Mordred nodded. His magic was a secret, he knew how to keep a secret.

"I understand Uncle Leon." Little Mordred said sadly. He missed his mother already. He wanted her to come back now. Until then, he would have to make do with his Auntie Gwen, and the children. "Can I go and play with Elyan and Ygraine now?" Little Mordred asked. Leon nodded.

"As soon as you get dressed you can go and play with them, alright?" Leon replied. Mordred went up into the room he shared with his mother. The tiny beds were pushed against the wall and there was barely enough room for the meagre possessions that they had, but little Mordred knew where his clothing was. He was a big boy, as he often told his mother. He would get dressed himself, and then he would go and play with Elyan and Ygraine, until his mother and big brother came for him.

xXxXxXx SIX MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Arthur sat in his chambers. It felt so empty without Merlin bustling around and making snide comments and cheeky jokes in the background. Arthur found himself thinking about everything he ever believed in. His father had taught him magic was evil, and that it corrupted and that no one could truly be good if they used magic. But Arthur knew Merlin. At least he thought he had known Merlin. Finding out Merlin had been a girl all this time, was frightening. Merlin was better at keeping a secret then he ever thought. Gwaine opened the door and entered the room, and Gwen followed, little Mordred holding her hand, looking confused. This was the only way Arthur could think of to find out some of the truth he hadn't known. Asking Gaius, though Arthur believed the old man to be truthful, wouldn't be fair. The thought that the old man might lie to him was too much for him to bear. But Mordred was too young to really lie.

"Mordred?" Arthur spoke to the boy. His sixth birthday would be in a few days, and little Mordred looked confused and saddened.

"Yes Uncle Arthur?" Little Mordred replied.

"I want to talk to you about something very important." Arthur said. The boy cocked his head to one side and looked at him in confusion. Arthur gestured to him to come forward, and the boy came. He trusted Arthur completely. "Your Mother, uses magic. Do you know how long she has used magic?" Arthur asked him. Mordred looked confused.

"Gramma said she used it from when she was born Uncle Arthur. She made things come to her when she was in her cradle. Grampa Gaius says that Mother is the only one like her. She's special." Mordred replied.

"What did your mother say?" Arthur asked.

"Mother told me she had magic for always. As long as she could remember she had magic. Why are you angry with Mother?" Mordred asked.

"I'm angry because she lied to me Mordred." Arthur told the boy honestly.

"She didn't want to lie. She said that people are scared of magic here. That's why I have to be careful. She was sad when I showed Elyan the special lights I can make." Mordred answered. He'd never been told not to trust Arthur, and Arthur felt his heart sink. This small boy was a magic user. How could he be evil?

"What special lights Mordred?" Arthur asked. "Can you show me them?" Arthur added. Mordred looked frightened.

"Mother said I'm not allowed to show them to anyone because otherwise people will be frightened." Mordred replied. Arthur looked at Gwen then back at Mordred.

"I promise that I won't be frightened Mordred. I want to see these lights." Arthur said. Mordred looked at Arthur for a moment and then held out his hand. As Arthur watched, Mordred's eyes glowed gold for a moment, and suddenly, a swirling orb of light appeared in Mordred's hand. A larger one appeared over Arthur's head. He recognised it straight away. Even all these years later, he remembered that light in the caves within the forest of Balor. He remembered that the light had saved his life.

"They used to make Elyan go to sleep, and Ygraine and Merlin and Uther too." Mordred said happily. Arthur watched as the lights went away.

"Your Mother can do this too?" Arthur asked. Mordred nodded.

"She used to put them over my bed when I went to sleep, but then I could do it myself." Mordred replied. Arthur hugged the boy tightly and then asked Gwen and Gwaine to take Mordred back to the nursery with the other children. When they returned, Arthur had his head in his hands.

"I've done something terrible Gwen. I've persecuted my best friend. She saved me, more times than I can think of and I repaid her by sending Knights out for her blood." Arthur said.

"You can end this Arthur. You can. Just call it off. Send a message through the Druids and ask Merlin to come back. Legalise Magic Arthur, at least legalise good magic. We owe her that much Arthur. She never meant to hurt any of us. You know she didn't. Merlin... Merlin just isn't built that way." Gwen pleaded.

"You're not the only one who got it wrong Arthur. I over reacted. I couldn't look past the fact that my father was killed fighting sorcerers. I should have known better, but I didn't. We all have a lot to answer for with Merlin." Gwaine added. Arthur nodded.

"I'll make the preparations straight away. We need Merlin. Not just as a protector. I... she's my best friend. I'm not sure I can carry on doing this without her." Arthur said sadly. It was at that moment that the warning bells started ringing. They were under attack.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin and Mordred had known that as soon as they were banished from Camelot, Morgana would strike and now Merlin could feel Morgana's dark magic in the air all around Camelot. Sneaking into the castle was not hard. She and Mordred had avoided the guards to get to the nursery. There, they found men standing guard over the five children. Little Mordred was trying to stop Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin from crying. Elyan was right by his side, pudgy hands, fisting little Mordred's shirt, as he looked at the strange men with fear.

"As soon as we get rid of those guards, you take the children to the Lake of Avalon and protect them." Merlin told Mordred sternly.

"What about you?" Mordred asked.

"I am going to save them all and kill Morgana. I should have killed her a long time ago." Merlin replied. Mordred didn't say a word as they knocked out the guards. Little Mordred ran to Merlin and through his arms around her.

"I missed you so much Mother. You're not gonna leave me again?" Little Mordred questioned. Merlin smiled at her small son.

"Big brother is going to take you all somewhere safe until the battle is over. When it's over we'll come and get you." Merlin told her son. Little Mordred nodded and Elyan tugged on Merlin's breeches.

"I missed you Anti Merlin." Elyan said. His blue eyes were wide as he looked up at her, and Merlin couldn't help when she picked him up and hugged him closely.

"I missed you too Elyan." Merlin said.

"An' me?" Ygraine asked, Merlin put down Elyan and hugged Ygraine.

"Of course I missed you too little one." Merlin said. She gathered Uther and little Merlin, and placed them both in Mordred's arms before looking at little Mordred. "Mordred, you must hold on to big brother, and Elyan. Elyan, you must hold on to Ygraine. Big brother is going to take you all somewhere safe for now." Merlin told them. Elyan and Ygraine held on to little Mordred, and little Mordred held on to his older counterpart, with a few words, they were gone. Merlin knew they would be safe then. She left the nursery, ready to go and face Morgana. Whatever happened now, this was the moment that Merlin would finally stop Morgana for good.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur couldn't believe how easy it had been for Morgana's men to overwhelm them. His worry was that she would find and kill the children, all five of them, without thought.

"Dear brother. I've been waiting for you to send your pet sorceress away for so long. She was the only protection you had from me and now she's gone." Morgana said coldly.

"You knew she was a woman?" Arthur asked.

"Not at first. It took me a while, but I found out all her secrets. I tortured enough people to find out everything I needed to know about the legendary 'Emrys' and I know her weakness. Her precious son. Where is my _nephew_ Arthur? The bastard of the Once and Future King and the great Emrys? I'd like... for him to meet his auntie." Morgana replied.

"What are you talking about?" Gwen spat out.

"I didn't even know Merlin was a woman until a week ago. How could Mordred possibly be my son?" Arthur asked in confusion.

"Oh there's a story behind that my dear brother." Morgana began.

"Shut your mouth Morgana!" Everyone turned to see Merlin standing in the doorway of the great hall. Her hair had grown longer, but her clothing was still the same.

"Now why would I do that? Arthur should know the truth shouldn't he? I'd want to know if my best friend had hidden my first born child right under my nose." Morgana replied. Then she looked at Arthur.

"Don't you remember anything that happened while you were under my dark enchantment? No? I didn't think so. I designed it to be that way. But I'm sure you remember the blood on the floor, on your clothing? Or did you clean it all up Merlin? That's something I can imagine you doing." Morgana asked, turning to Merlin.

"Shut up Morgana." Merlin hissed. She moved forward to use a spell, but in her anger, she reacted hastily and Morgana sent a blast that threw Merlin into the arch of the doorway.

"Merlin!" Gwen called out to her friend. Merlin could barely move, as she tried to stop the screaming pain in her back and head.

"That's better. No more interruptions from Merlin." Morgana stated.

"You know who I hurt that day." Arthur asked.

"Of course I do. I planned it. I wanted to see how far Merlin would go to protect you. She even protected you from herself. You shoved her into a wall, forced yourself on her, took her virtue. She could have killed you with her magic, but she didn't because she didn't want to hurt you at all. She knew you weren't in your right mind. Then she made sure to hide a pregnancy. _That_ I wasn't expecting. I hadn't planned for you to ever have an heir. It's a shame. All those little children in the nursery will have to go. But you can die safe in the knowledge that I'll make it quick. They won't suffer as you will." Morgana stated. Arthur looked at Merlin, who was pulling herself to her feet now.

"You will never get your hands on those children." Merlin hissed. "I sent them away where they will be safe." Merlin added. Morgana trembled with anger as she looked over at Arthur, who still wore a shocked expression.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"Don't Arthur. You were never meant to know. I never wanted you to feel guilt for what Morgana did. I admit to you that I was angry at first, but I forgave you long ago. Now isn't the time for a discussion." Merlin said gently. She was still weakened, and she could barely move. When Morgana grabbed Excalibur from beside the throne where she dropped it, Merlin knew this was the moment that she would die, she hadn't recovered herself enough to defend herself.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Mordred looked at the children. They were safe by the side of the lake. The ghostly shade of Freya was playing with them.

"I have to go and help my mother." Mordred said softly. Freya looked up at him.

"I understand." She said gently. Mordred nodded and looked at the children.

"I'm going back to help everyone. I want you all to stay here and listen to Freya, and look after each other." Mordred said. Elyan and Ygraine nodded, but little Mordred looked troubled.

"Can I come?" Little Mordred asked.

"Not this time. It's too dangerous. We need you to protect Elyan and Ygraine, and the twins too. But one of us will come back for you." Mordred told his younger self. Little Mordred nodded and Mordred uttered the transportation spell, to take him back t Camelot. He made his way towards the throne room, and that was when he saw it. The event from his nightmares was about to play out in front of him for real. His mother was slumped against the arch of the doors to the great hall, and Morgana was advancing on her with Excalibur in her hands. Mordred felt everything within him coil in dread. He felt his eyes burn with the familiar magic that coursed through his veins, as it did his mother's. Everything seemed to slow as Mordred ran forward, diving in front of the blade. The pain that wracked his body as the sword point entered his chest, and kept going, was like an inferno that burned his insides. He gasped out in pain and Merlin screamed as though she were the one being run through. Mordred heard the horrified yells of people around them as he dropped to the ground.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Morgana stood over Mordred, the sword covered in blood. Merlin stopped screaming and collapsed on her knees, next to Mordred, cradling him in her arms.

"Why did you do that Mordred? Why?" Merlin pleaded.

"To save you. That was all I ever wanted. To save you." Mordred replied. Morgana looked at them, and a realisation came to her.

"I don't believe it. You? All this time and I could have killed you years ago. You are Merlin's son? You came from the future to stop me." Morgana stated. Arthur and Gwen looked at the trio gathered in the doorway, as Morgana laughed. "Well he won't be interfering in my plans anymore." Morgana added as she laughed. Merlin laid Mordred down gently, and placed a kiss on his forehead, before she stood. Her muscles were tense and she looked at Morgana with such hatred. None who knew her, had ever seen such a look in Merlin's eyes before. Her eyes flashed gold and Excalibur flew from Morgana's hands, and into Merlin's own.

"I will kill you for this Morgana." Merlin said softly.

"That little toothpick can't hurt me." Morgana replied. "I am a priestess of the Old Religion. It will take a certain kind of blade to do me harm." Morgana added spitefully. Merlin lifted the blade, quicker than anyone could see, and thrust the blade into Morgana's heart. Morgana gasped in pain. Merlin managed to push the sword all the way through Morgana's body, no remorse or guilt showed on her face.

"This isn't just any sword, Morgana. This sword was forged in a Dragon's breath." Merlin replied. She watched Morgana slip to the ground, a hand over the gaping wound in her chest, and she died right there. After Merlin had killed Morgana, she knelt beside Mordred. He was gasping for breath.

"Mordred? My sweetheart? It's alright. It'll all be alright. You'll be fine." Merlin said gently. Mordred smiled up at his mother, as the blood leaked from between his closed lips.

"I won't be fine Mother. Morgana used Excalibur to make this wound. It can't be healed. A wound made by a sword, forged in a dragon's breath, can't be healed Mother." Mordred said. Merlin shook her head.

"No. I can't lose you. I can't. Not after everything. Mordred you've won, you saved us all, just as you planned to do. You can't die now. Not when you've finally completed your mission. You can live in peace now. You can be happy. You never have to worry again." Merlin pleaded.

"I'm sorry Mother. It's my time. I know you can see that. With the power you have, you must surely know that I will not survive this. I've done what I set out to do. It was my mission to stop Morgana from destroying Albion. To stop her destroying you, and Arthur, Gwen and the Knights, and even the children. I've done everything I set out to do. It's time for me to go." Mordred said weakly. Merlin shook her head, her shoulder length hair whipped wildly from side to side. Tears leaked from her eyes. "Mother, you're not truly losing me. I'll always be with you. Just look at little Mordred. He is me. I'm not really going anywhere." Mordred whispered.

"That's not the point. I told you the day little Mordred was born that you still held a place in my heart. You were still important to me. That hasn't changed. It will never change." Merlin wept out. Mordred reached for Merlin's hand and rested it against his cheek, where Merlin stroked the skin gently, trying to offer her son some comfort.

"I missed this." Mordred said gently. He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into his mother's hand that touched his cheek. "When I was a boy I would've sold my soul to have you stroke my face again. It was always a comfort to me. When I had nightmares, when I was sick, when I was scared, you would put your hand on my cheek, just like now, and I would feel your warmth and I would know everything was going to be alright. I would've killed for that as I grew up with Kilgarrah and Freya. I would've given anything. Even when I knew that travelling back in time would hurt me, when I knew I would never see _my_ Freya and Kilgarrah again, when I knew it would take time to gain your trust. I came back anyway. I would've done it a hundred times over, just for this. Just to be with you Mother. To save you. I love you Mother. Don't forget that, don't forget that I love you and that I will always be with you." Mordred whispered. With that, he let out a hacking gasp, and he didn't take another breath. His eyes were wide, and Merlin saw her own blue reflected in the dead orbs that looked up at her. Merlin kept her hand against Mordred's cheek, wanting him to wake up. She was silently willing him to come back. But she knew he would not. She couldn't bring him back, not even if she sacrificed her own life, for Mordred had travelled backwards in time, and so, for all intents and purposes, he wasn't really a part of the world around them.

"I love you too my son. I always will." Merlin whispered, as she pressed her forehead against Mordred's. Her tears fell onto Mordred's face as she wept for her son, who had saved them all. Merlin heard Arthur speaking to her.

"Merlin. I'm sorry. You'll never know how sorry I am." Arthur said. Merlin looked at Arthur then, and she felt nothing. She was numb. She couldn't feel anything but pain at losing Mordred. She could feel Mordred's skin becoming cool under her hand. The coldness of death was setting in on him already. Her son was dead. Merlin got to her feet. "We'll give him a proper funeral. One befitting a knight of his stature." Arthur said. Merlin spun to look at Arthur then, getting to her feet very quickly.

"A Knight? But Mordred was a magic user. Just like me. According to you, Mordred was no longer a Knight as of six months ago." Merlin said coldly.

"Merlin, Mordred wouldn't-" Merlin cut Arthur off with a gesture with her hand.

"Don't Arthur. Don't you even speak his name." Merlin said softly. Tears came to her eyes at the thought of her son, laying there dead.

"Merlin." Arthur pleaded.

"No! I gave you everything Arthur! My service... yours. My loyalty... yours. My counsel... yours. My magic... yours to command. My childhood friend, Will... sacrificed for you. My father, Balinor... sacrificed to save this damn Kingdom. My friend, Freya... slain by your hand because of a curse she couldn't control. I never blamed you for any of those losses. I've forgiven you everything Arthur. I've allowed myself to be used and abused like a toy. I lost so much, endured so much pain, all for you. My hopes and dreams were tied to you. I gave you my very identity, I loved you as though you were my own brother. But I can't forgive this Arthur. I can't just forget and get over this. I never wanted to sacrifice my son. Not my son." Merlin said.

"How can you blame me for all this Merlin? You lied to me from the moment we met. Then you have the nerve to throw all this in my face? I'm the King of Camelot and I didn't ask for your help, or your pain." Arthur stated.

"Oh really _Sire_? I built your throne, Arthur Pendragon. Without me, you would have no Queen, no most trusted Knights, no Kingdom to rule and no life to rule with. Don't make me take it all away, after I've spent so long building it. And don't mistake me Arthur. I have more reason than Morgana ever had to allow myself to indulge in anger and hate. I never did because I truly believed in the Kingdom I thought we built together. But it wasn't worth it. None of it was worth it. Losing my son was not worth it!" Merlin said. The court of Camelot stared at the Sorceress, as Merlin walked over to Gaius. "Come with me Gaius. You can collect Elyan, Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin. I'll send you back." Merlin said sadly.

"Merlin wait!" Gwen called. Merlin rounded on Gwen.

"No. I saved your children. All of them. All thanks to Mordred. He told me what Morgana had planned for you. A childless life and a painful existence, pining for the child you craved. I made sure that didn't happen. She cursed you to never give birth to a living child, but I defied the curse again and again, giving up part of myself each time so that you would be happy, so that your children would be happy. I was accused of sorcery, and suddenly... I was a monster. Arthur sent his _loyal_ knights out after my blood. Did you once think to say he shouldn't, or were you too busy playing with the children I helped give you?" Merlin questioned coldly.

"Merlin that isn't fair." Gwaine stated.

"What? What isn't fair Gwaine? As soon as you heard I had magic I was of no more worth then dirt on your boots. You wanted Leon to turn me in to Arthur for execution. You claimed to be my friend and turned on me at the first sign of trouble. Don't tell me what is or isn't fair." Merlin replied. She looked at Gaius and Leon. "I'm sorry Gaius. I can't stay here. I can't. Every day I will look and I'll see his face. My son's face. I've given everything I could give Gaius. I have nothing left. My heart and soul went with him. I gave everything I had, everything I was and everything I would ever be for this dream of Albion. I have nothing else to give except my little Mordred. I will not give him up too. I will not do it. Destiny has had enough from me already, I won't let it have anymore." Merlin said. She looked at Leon. "Thank you for looking after him Leon. Thank you for keeping your word to me. You're a true friend." Merlin said. She walked over to Mordred's side. Her dead son hadn't moved. Gaius went to stand next to her.

"Merlin?" Merlin looked at Percival. "I'm sorry Merlin. I truly am. Mordred was a great Knight and a good man. I wish you well." Percival said. Merlin thought she had no more tears left to shed, but Percival's words brought forth more tears to stream down her cheeks.

"Thank you Percival." Merlin said. Before anyone could speak another word, Merlin was gone, in a haze of red and gold wind, leaving Morgana's dead body, but taking Mordred's with her, and Gaius also.

xXxXxXx THE ISLE OF AVALON xXxXxXx

Merlin had placed a sleeping charm on the children, while she explained to little Mordred what had happened. Gaius watched as the six year old boy's face crumpled, and he sobbed. Merlin held him tightly and Gaius walked over to them.

"I would like to stay for the funeral Merlin." Gaius said gently. Merlin nodded her consent. After placing the older Mordred on a wooden barge, just as she had done for Lancelot and Freya, Merlin stood back with little Mordred and Gaius.

"We will see him again Mother. He told me so before he left to go to the White Mountains." Little Mordred said.

"What do you mean Mordred?" Merlin asked him, feeling confused.

"Big brother and I are the same person. We were always connected, so he will always be a part of me. When it's time, we'll see him again in Avalon. He and I share a soul. He'll never really be gone Mother." Mordred replied. Merlin took a deep breath and looked at older Mordred one last time.

"Yes, my darling. I'm sure you're right. When it's time for us to see the others that have passed, we will see him again. It will be a very long time until you see big brother Mordred again, but you will see him." Merlin replied. For just a moment, Merlin had seen a look of wisdom on her six year old son's face. Then it was gone, and he was just a little boy again.

"Can I give him a kiss goodbye?" Little Mordred asked. Merlin held back her sobs as she nodded. Little Mordred ran over to the barge, taking off his boots and socks and rolling up his trouser legs before he stepped into the water. He leaned in, his head just barely reaching over the side of the barge, and kissed his older self on the cheek. "Goodbye big brother. I'll see you again when it's time." Little Mordred said. Then he came back to stand at his mother's side. "Can I help you send the boat to Avalon?" Little Mordred asked.

"Yes Mordred. We'll do it together." Merlin said.

"If you will permit it Merlin, I would also like to help, though I do not have the same power that you have." Gaius said gently. Merlin nodded, and together, the trio, used their magic to set the black barge adrift. Together, they set the boat alight, and watched until there was nothing but ash to see. Not really speaking, because there were no words to say, Merlin got Gaius to sit down, placed the baby twins in his arms, and then put Ygraine and Elyan on either side of him, placing their hands in his own. Merlin uttered the spell that sent them back to Camelot, and then together, Merlin, the greatest Sorceress to ever live, and her young son, Mordred, left the lake of Avalon, to make a new home for themselves. A new life, together, in safety.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, I know. I've made it super sad. I'm a horrible person. Remember there are two more chapters to go though. I might surprise you again. Or I may not. You'll have to wait and see.

Also, an acknowledgement to Zebraanimator, because her pic on deviant art here (removing the spaces of course) – zebra animator. deviantart art/ I- built- your- throne- Arthur- Pendragon- 333430183 is what inspired this quote.

"I built your throne, Arthur Pendragon. Without me, you would have no Queen, no most trusted Knights, no Kingdom to rule and no life to rule with. Don't make me take it all away, after I've spent so long building it."

I did ask her before I used it. I was going to make a separate fic based entirely on this quote, but nothing was good enough in my mind to breathe in the awesomeness that I felt when I saw it. It was a last minute thought where Bad ass Merlin just loses all her composure with the death of Mordred. After all, who wants to sacrifice their kids to destiny? I mean really, after seeing the end of series 5 of Merlin, I got so angry. I was expecting so much more. So I thought I'd make more out this fic. It's like a final confrontation here. Merlin does everything for everyone, gives up everything for everyone, and never gets any credit. So Merlin had a melt down after losing her son. Anywho, Please R&R and let me know what you thought of this chapter. I wanted to make it epically tragic and I'm rather hoping I succeeded. I'll update tomorrow. LOL!


	10. Chapter 10

So here we are people. This was going to the last chapter, but I decided to lengthen the story just a little bit. So you have another two chapters after this one to look forward to. I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it. This chapter is going to be a little shorter than the last chapter. Some basic explanation and how everyone feels once the dust has settled on Morgana and Mordred's deaths, and Merlin's self imposed exile. I hope you all enjoy it.

To my anonymous reviewer, Guest, thanks loads for your review. I'm glad you thought last chapter was sad. I know with little Mordred being alive it's not AS sad as it could be, but the idea is that Mordred was still Merlin's son, no matter in what capacity. I loved having Merlin yell at everyone too. It was great. I kinda wish it had happened in the series. LOL! I hope if you're reading that you enjoy this chapter.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 10.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_"__Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?_

_Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?_

_It's like living on a cliff side, not knowing when you'll dive._

_Do you know, do you know, what it's like to die alive?__"_ _You Don't Know – Next to Normal_

Once Merlin had disappeared, and Gaius had returned with the royal children, Arthur and Gwen had wanted desperately to speak to the old man, and find out exactly what Merlin had done for them. Neither of them spoke of it, but they both felt the need within them. However, now was not that time. The estimation was that it would take over a month to get the city back to order. Arthur's first order of business was to have Excalibur locked away in the vaults where it could never be used to harm anyone again. Arthur had gone to the vaults and placed the sword in a room that no one knew of, within it. He was the only one with the key, and the only one who knew where the room was. He decided that if Merlin ever returned that he would ask her to place a spell on the room to stop anyone ever coming into contact with the sword again. The next thing Arthur did was have his sister's body burnt in the courtyard. Morgana had destroyed so much. His best friend, his first son, though he hadn't known it until the boy was dead, both were gone at the hands of Morgana. If she had stabbed Merlin as well, she couldn't have done a better job removing her from the picture. Gaius walked around with a sad look on his face, and many who had gone to see the old Physician had said that Gaius often looked up towards the room that had once been shared by Merlin and little Mordred. The day Morgana's body was burned, Arthur stayed on the balcony and watched until nothing but ash remained. Even after everyone else had left, he stayed to make sure she wouldn't rise from the pyre and walk away to cause anymore harm to his family. Gwen stood by his side, looking into the flames, just as he did.

"We all loved her once. Why did she hate us so?" Gwen uttered sadly.

"I don't know Gwen. I don't know what made her hate us so much. I don't know what made her want the throne so much either. All I know is that she destroyed everything she could to get it. I can't forgive her Gwen. She was my sister and I can never forgive her. She took Mordred from us. She took Merlin too, because Merlin will never forgive the fact that her child died here." Arthur replied, his voice filled with utter sadness.

"I wish she had told us. I wish she had said something, anything, she carried the burden of everything on her shoulders and she never let us know she was hurting, that it was so much to bear." Gwen said. Arthur nodded.

"We need to talk to Gaius. We need to find out exactly what Merlin has done for us. We owe it to her to find the truth." Arthur said. Gwen nodded.

"We can go and talk to him tomorrow." Gwen agreed. It was when Gwen left him alone on the balcony that Arthur allowed a few tears to fall free. He hadn't allowed himself to feel anything when he'd banished older Mordred, he had tried to be a strong king, as his father had been. But Arthur had felt the pain of abandoning a friend. When he had been told about Merlin, that had hurt him much more. Merlin had always been his dearest friend, woman or not, it didn't matter, Merlin had gone into every battle with him, been by his side through everything, and she had never asked for anything in return. But learning that little Mordred was, in fact his son, had taken his heart and ripped it in half. The innocent little boy that he'd taken for horse rides, and given a practise sword to, was his son. Morgana revealing the truth had crushed him. Seeing how Merlin had wanted to protect him from the truth ground him down even more. But seeing older Mordred throw himself in front of Merlin, ready to die for her, and then Morgana revealing, to her own surprise that older Mordred was in fact, Merlin's son from the future, that had broken him. Arthur wouldn't allow anyone, not even his wife, to see that it had broken him, but it had. He had watched his son die. A boy that he had cared for like his own at any rate, and a good Knight, who had done his best to protect everyone he loved, at least from what Arthur had seen of him. Arthur knew, that in every sense, Mordred still lived. The six year old boy had left Camelot with his mother, he was alive and well, at least Arthur hoped so, for he had no way of knowing if this was true. But at the same time, the adult Mordred, the Knight he had knighted and trained, was dead. It was strange to think that they were both the same person. That had broken Arthur down. He wasn't sure if he could ever recover that confidence, that strength, that he only seemed to possess when Merlin told him she had faith in him. Finally, he cried for Morgana. Not for the evil witch that had killed his son, but for the beloved sister he had grown up with, though he hadn't known she was his sister. He wept for the old friend, the wise councillor, the worthy opponent who never let his ego grow too large. Then Arthur realised, as he still wept, that he wasn't sure if he were crying for Morgana anymore, or Merlin. For the two had both played a similar role in his life.

xXxXxXx A WEEK LATER xXxXxXx

Arthur and Gwen were in the council chambers. The council was gathered, and Arthur felt a weight on his shoulders as the old men sat down around him. Leon sat on the council as captain of the Knights, and Gwaine and Percival stood near the doors, guarding the meeting from any trouble. Gaius was also a part of the council, though the old man barely seemed to pay any attention.

"We would like to ask you to issue a warrant for Merlin's arrest." One councillor said suddenly. Arthur, Gwen, Gaius, Gwaine, Leon and Percival all looked at the man incredulously.

"Why would I do that?" Arthur asked.

"That witch threatened your life Sire. She is dangerous. She may very well come back to try and kill you. Especially now that we know she has your first born son." Another councillor replied. Gaius looked angry as sat straight backed.

"I will not hear you speak so vilely about my ward, who I loved as my own child." Gaius said coldly. Arthur made a hand gesture and looked at his other councillors.

"There is no need to issue a warrant for Merlin's arrest. She is grieving. She wouldn't hurt anyone in this kingdom for all the world. I will not sanction anyone hunting down my friend." Arthur stated. The councillors looked agitated by this information.

"But sire, you should consider-" Another councillor tried to speak, but Arthur silenced him with a single glance.

"I said that this matter is closed. Merlin has a right to her freedom. This matter will not be bought up again." Arthur said harshly. They went back to their original meeting, as the councillors seemed very unhappy that they had been dismissed.

xXxXxXx LATER THAT AFTERNOON xXxXxXx

Gwen and Arthur had finally managed to tear themselves away from all the meetings and nagging councillors that had kept them busy. They had come to Gaius' chambers, and had both felt the need to have things explained to them.

"Sire?" Gaius asked as Arthur walked into the chambers. Gwen followed behind him. "My lady? Is there something I can do for you both?" Gaius asked.

"You can start from the beginning and tell us exactly what Merlin has done for us and when. I'd asked little Mordred about Merlin's magic, he said she was born with it. Is that true?" Arthur asked. Gaius nodded his head.

"It is true Sire. Before she could walk, she was able to call things to her with magic. She never had a choice in the matter." Gaius replied honestly.

"Please Gaius. We truly want to know everything." Gwen pleaded. So Gaius, with a heavy heart, sat down in his old arm chair by the fire, and gestured for his King and Queen to take a seat.

"You should both make yourselves comfortable. This might take a long time." Gaius said gently. So Gwen and Arthur, sat on Gaius' patient bed, so that they could listen comfortably. As Gaius started the story, from Merlin's first moment's in Camelot, and all through how she had spent her first year as a servant. He told them first of Lady Helen, who was actually Mary Collins, then of Valiant, and Nimueh, about the poisoned chalice, then the Gryphon and Lancelot, then Edwin Muirden, and about the two mortal Sidhe, Sophia and Aulfric, and then about the troubles she faced when Mordred, as a child, had appeared in Camelot. Of course, then he told them of Nimueh again, and what he knew of what happened in Ealdor, through Hunith's letters. Then he told them of what Merlin had done during the Unicorn incident, and how Merlin had stopped Morgana's first plot to kill Uther, even though Morgana had stopped it herself in the end. Then, finally, he told them about the Questing Beast, how Merlin had killed it, and how Merlin had then gone to the Isle of the Blessed to trade her life for Arthur's. When he had finished the story of Merlin's first year in Camelot, Gwen and Arthur were both speechless.

"That was just... just her first year here?" Gwen asked softly.

"She really was the one who sent that light to guide me. When I thought I was going to die, she gave me hope." Arthur said softly.

"She saved my father's life." Gwen added softly. They both felt an indescribable emotion bubbling within them at the thought of Mordred as well. How small he had been then, and how much he was bearing on his shoulders even then, when no one knew him. Of course, Gaius then carried on telling them about every other time Merlin had saved them. From Cornelius Sigan, to the troll, from trying desperately to help Morgana, to poisoning her to save Camelot, then he talked of Freya, Merlin's cursed friend, and the pain she had suffered trying to save the girl when her curse was too strong. Arthur realised that this was what Merlin had been talking about. The friend that had died at Arthur's hand, and he felt terrible. How many times had Merlin had to lose someone to his cause. Finally, Gaius told them about Balinor, the last Dragonlord, and Merlin's father. Arthur then knew his answer.

He didn't really know too much of what had happened in the year that they had been searching for Morgana, but he knew what she had been doing when she got back. So once again, talking about Merlin's fourth year in Camelot, and in Arthur's service, he spoke of Morgana's return, how Merlin had learned of the plot to drive Uther insane with mandrake roots, how Merlin had followed Morgana to try and find out the truth, and had nearly died at the sting of a Serkat. He told them once more, of tournament escapades, of what he knew of the incident with the Goblin, then of the Changeling incident with Princess Elena. Soon, Gaius got to the point where he had told them every detail. All the details he had. All except one incident. The one thing he had sworn not to tell Arthur of. The incident of Morgause telling Arthur of his birth. It was then that Arthur pointed it out.

"Gaius you've told us everything, but not once did you ever tell us about the time I went to see Morgause. Why?" Arthur asked. Gwen looked at Gaius, her eyes wide.

"Because Morgause was telling the truth wasn't she? Arthur was truly born of Magic." Gwen said. Once again, Arthur was baffled by what Gwen had concluded. But he was horrified when the old man nodded sadly.

"Your father made me swear never to speak of it." Gaius replied. Arthur clenched his hands into fists, feeling his nails dig into his skin, drawing blood.

"Why? Why did Merlin lie? At that moment, she knew didn't she? She knew what my father had done. Why did she lie and protect him?" Arthur asked. Gaius looked straight into Arthur's confused eyes.

"You may never truly understand this Arthur. But Merlin lied to protect you. She told you what you needed to hear, because she knew if you killed your father you would never have forgiven yourself. She knew it would destroy you eventually. So while she would have had an easier life if your father was dead, if the truth had been known, she instead chose to protect you, no matter the cost to herself. She always has." Gaius said.

"That's what she did when..." Gwen didn't want to say _'When Arthur raped her'_ because the very thought of Arthur doing something so awful and vile, especially to Merlin, was a bitter pill to swallow.

"When I... forced myself on her." Arthur asked. His voice cracked as he said the words. Gaius looked down at the ground.

"She was devastated. She knew that you were under an enchantment. The fact that you didn't remember anything, meant that she could act as though nothing had changed. It broke her heart to lie to you. She always viewed you as a brother, and... Morgana's enchantment on you nearly destroyed her. Finding out she was pregnant almost killed her. She feared you finding out the truth. That was when Mordred revealed himself to us, to Merlin and I." Gaius said sadly. Arthur and Gwen both seemed confused.

"If Mordred knew what was going to happen, why didn't he stop it?" Gwen asked. Gaius looked at them sadly.

"Mordred almost destroyed himself with that very thought. He wanted to stop what happened to his mother, but to do that, he would have prevented his own conception, meaning that he would never exist, so he could never travel back to save us all. Merlin once told me what she had seen when she examined his mind. She had seen her own death. Morgana was always planning to kill Merlin before any of us. She was the saviour and once she was gone there wasn't any hope. Apparently, Mordred learned that each and every one of us were killed slowly and painfully, before our heads were taken to decorate the parapets of the castle. Even Ealdor offered no safe haven, as Morgana went and collected Hunith's head as well. The only ones who escaped the devastation were Gwaine and Percival apparently. For what reason I do not know." Gaius said sadly.

"What about Elyan? And Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin?" Gwen asked.

"They never existed in older Mordred's time. Elyan was killed the very moment you were thrown into that pillar in Mordred's time. His neck broken in the womb, from the impact. You were hurt so badly that your womb was removed, meaning you never had any children." Gaius replied. Gwen gasped, feeling tears roll down her own cheeks at the idea of losing her son, and never having any other child. Arthur placed a comforting arm around his wife's shoulders. He looked at Gaius then.

"Merlin saved the children. Merlin saved us all with Mordred's help. Yet she lost the most of all of us." Arthur said softly. Gaius nodded.

"She sacrificed all she could Arthur. You didn't see her face when she put older Mordred into a little wooden boat, and pushed it out onto a lake. We set it on fire together. She and I and little Mordred. Her heart has been broken Arthur. Her child is dead. Maybe not completely, she still has little Mordred, and apparently, the two were connected in some way. Little Mordred insists that he and older Mordred will always be connected, as they are the same person. But to Merlin, she still lost someone she loved. I do not know if she will ever return to Camelot. But I do know that she deserves to see the future she worked so hard for, come to pass." Gaius told Arthur and Gwen. The couple left Gaius' chambers, thinking about what they could now do to repay their truest friend.

xXxXxXx TWO YEARS LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin had travelled all over Albion. She had gained knowledge from many different magical groups. All of them willing to host Emrys. She often went to visit her mother in Ealdor. As she travelled, Mordred grew, and she thought often of his older, future self. Whenever she did, it broke her heart anew. She heard that Arthur had legalised magic. That had warmed her heart in some ways. It made her feel that at least all the sacrifices she had made were not in vain. It was one day, as she travelled through the old kingdom of Halyria, a kingdom that had never forbidden magic, that Merlin found herself astounded. As she and Mordred, now eight, walked through the streets, she felt someone run straight into her, knocking her to the ground. Mordred yelped, looking at his fallen mother, and Merlin got to her feet angrily as the man made to walk away.

"Do you always run into people and then walk off without apologising?" Merlin asked coldly. The man removed his hood, and Merlin saw he had red hair, and green eyes, like emeralds.

"Not always, especially when looking at pretty girls such as yourself." The man said. Merlin glared.

"Don't try flattery. That doesn't work on me." Merlin stated irritably. She took hold of Mordred's hand and made to walk away.

"You could at least tell me your name." The man said.

"You ran in to me." Merlin replied sharply.

"My apologies then, my lady, my name is Olwen." The man said. Merlin turned her head to look back at him. He had an impish smile that reminded her of Will, but he had a kindness in his eyes that reminded her of Arthur. There were things she saw in him that reminded her of all those people she loved back at Camelot. The only thing she could do, was turn her head to face forwards again.

"My name is Merlin. And I'm not a lady." Merlin told Olwen. Then she walked away, leaving the man dumbfounded in the middle of the street.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay all, that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all liked it. Next chapter will be longer at any rate. I just wanted to give some Arthur and Gwen input into this fic.


	11. Chapter 11

Okay all, a big thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it. This chapter is going to be more about Merlin's life outside Camelot with Mordred. I hope you all enjoy it.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 11.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_"__Like anyone would be__  
__I am flattered by your fascination with me__  
__Like any hot-blooded woman__  
__I have simply wanted an object to crave___

_But you, you're not allowed__  
__You're uninvited__  
__An unfortunate slight___

_Must be strangely exciting__  
__To watch the stoic squirm.__" Uninvited – Alannis Morrissette._

Merlin was still in Halyria when the winter really began a few months later. Halyria was closer to Ismere then Camelot. The snow and ice were growing thick, and it was then that Merlin realised she hadn't thought of where she could stay with Mordred during the winter months. She should have made her way to a druid camp ages ago. Now they would all be in hiding from the harsh elements. Mordred was making a snowman outside one inn, whilst Merlin spoke with the innkeeper, when he saw the red haired man again.

"Your name is Olwen." Mordred said. The man looked at Mordred curiously.

"Yes. You're the little boy who was with that pretty lady." Olwen said. Mordred laughed.

"My Mother doesn't like people trying to flatter her." Mordred said firmly. Olwen frowned.

"I thought all women liked to be flattered?" Olwen said jokingly.

"Not my Mother. She prefers for people to be honest rather than to flatter her." Mordred replied. Olwen stared at the boy in front of him. He looked like a child, but magic could be deceiving, and Olwen sensed that this child had a great deal of it, to match the wisdom shining in his eyes.

"You said your Mother? Did she... adopt you?" Olwen asked. Mordred shook his head.

"No." Mordred replied, not really knowing how else to answer that question. That was when two men arrived. Both glaring at Olwen. Olwen glared back.

"What would you gentlemen like?" Olwen asked, mindful to keep certain words to himself with a child near him.

"We would like for you to come with us nice and quietly." One man said. He was big and muscular, and Mordred looked at him, wondering what he wanted with Olwen. The other man, skinny and scruffy looking, looked at Mordred, a sly smile like a snakes, crossed his face.

"What about this one? How much do you think you'd get for a boy Halig?" The man said. The large man smiled.

"Quite a bit. He'd be worth a great deal of money to the right bidder." Halig replied. Olwen practically snarled at the men.

"Leave the boy out of this." Olwen stated angrily.

"Or what? You going to protect the boy and yourself?" The second man asked.

"I said, leave the boy out of this. This is between you and me. He's a child." Olwen stated angrily.

"What are you going to do if I don't?" Halig asked.

"He might not do much, but I will tear you limb from limb, and I don't even have to touch you to do it." The group turned to look at Merlin. The woman looked enraged. She knew what these men were. She had met Halig before, in Camelot. This man had locked Freya in a cage like an animal, and Merlin couldn't forgive or forget that. Halig smirked at her.

"You and what army little girl?" Halig asked sarcastically.

"I don't need an army." Merlin replied. Her dark hair was wild, though it was tied in a thick braid, her eyes piercing. She looked much tougher than she had done before she left Camelot. She had earrings that went all around the edge of both her ears. A mark of her time studying with the Catha. She also had a Druid tattoo marking her stomach, and a tattoo from her time studying with the prophets of Neahtid, on her shoulder, though they weren't visible at the moment. The second man looked at her closely, then suddenly he reeled back and knelt before Merlin.

"Please great Lady Emrys, we meant no harm, we were simply passing by. Forgive any offence we might have caused." The second man said. He seemed terrified, and Olwen didn't understand why. Neither did Halig.  
"What are you grovelling at the feet of a woman for, Keeron? We've got work to do." Halig sneered.

"I would suggest that we leave, Halig and find somewhere else." Keeron replied.

"Why?" Halig asked. Olwen wondered the same question. These men had been hunting him, along with other magic users, to sell in the magical slave trade. Some men or women had bounties on their heads, some did not. Children were popular because they were young and their power was usually untapped potential just waiting to be trained. It wasn't truly known why people wanted magical slaves, but Olwen just wanted to stay free. Keeron was a magic user, Olwen could tell, obviously he used his own magic to track other magic users and turn them in for profit.

"That is Emrys. She's all powerful. We're not a match for her." Keeron hissed at Halig, who still didn't seem to understand. Merlin sighed.

"Leave now, both of you, or I will be forced to hurt you. This child that you threatened is my son. I don't take too kindly to that." Merlin stated coldly. Keeron looked frightened.

"Please forgive us great Emrys. We'll just be leaving." Keeron said. He slowly got up from where he had knelt on the snow covered ground, walking backwards, slowly, never turning his back. He acted as though he had just disturbed a very dangerous predator. Merlin glared as Keeron took hold of Halig's arm and dragged him away. Olwen looked at the woman before him, not really knowing who Emrys was. She had introduced herself as Merlin.

"Are we staying here Mother?" Mordred asked. Merlin shook her head.

"I'm afraid not." Merlin replied. She held out a hand, and her eight year old son grabbed it. She looked at Olwen.

"I'd stay clear of those two if I were you. That... Keeron... isn't really a threat magically. Halig is just scum. A bounty hunter looking for his next pay off. But even scum can be dangerous in the wrong circumstances." Merlin said.

"Keeron called you Emrys. I thought your name was Merlin?" Olwen asked. Merlin smirked.

"I have many names apparently. Merlin is my name, the name my mother gave me and the name I prefer." Merlin replied.

"So why did he call you Emrys?" Olwen asked.

"I really don't have time to answer that question." Merlin stated. She started walking with Mordred.

"You're looking for somewhere to stay?" Olwen asked. Merlin glared at Olwen.

"Why? Are you offering?" Merlin asked.

"Maybe? I certainly know a few places." Olwen replied. Merlin looked at Mordred, if she didn't have her son with her, she might just tell this man where he could shove it. She was not in a good mood. Seeing Halig bought back memories she'd rather not have thought about. But with Mordred holding one hand, Merlin had to consider her son. She didn't want her son to freeze. Finally she gave up her staring match with Olwen.

"Fine, lead the way." Merlin said. Olwen grinned at her cheekily and mock bowed, outstretching an arm.

"This way, Milady." Olwen said.

xXxXxXx LATER THAT NIGHT xXxXxXx

Merlin was sat by a fireplace, Mordred sleeping in a bed by her side. She would have to share with him. The place was small, but it was habitable. Olwen handed Merlin a cup of mulled wine.

"It'll help with the cold." Olwen said.

"Whose house is this?" Merlin asked.

"Mine, temporarily. I'll be moving on when the weather lets up." Olwen answered.

"Why are you doing this?" Merlin shot back.

"You helped me. I owe you one. Call it that." Olwen replied.

"Not just curious?" Merlin questioned. Olwen smirked.

"Maybe a little. Is that so bad?" Olwen asked.

"For me, yes." Merlin replied, making Olwen laugh. Merlin glared as Mordred shifted in his sleep.

"If you wake him up, I'll kill you." Merlin stated calmly. Olwen snorted.

"Of course you will. He's got to be at least ten. He'll go back to sleep." Olwen replied.

"He's eight actually. Also once he wakes up he won't sleep again for the rest of the night. That means he'll be tired and irritable all day tomorrow, while I'm searching for somewhere for us to stay." Merlin replied.

"Or you could just stay here." Olwen suggested. Merlin raised a brow, just as Gaius had always done when she suggested something ludicrous.

"No I can't. I don't know you well enough." Merlin replied.

"So? That didn't stop you saving my backside from those bounty hunters." Olwen replied. Merlin shook her head, an amused smile on her face.

"I was saving my eight year old son." Merlin replied.

"You could have taken him and left me for dust. You didn't." Olwen shot back.

"What can I say? I'm just a sucker for helping out waifs and strays." Merlin shot back sarcastically.

"Is that why the boy is here?" Olwen asked. His voice was gentle and Merlin could tell he was merely curious.

"No. Mordred is my son. I gave birth to him. Would you like the details? He was a large baby." Merlin replied. Olwen looked horrified.

"Gods no! Are you crazy? I'm a man, and men don't need to know a thing about childbirth." Olwen stated. Merlin laughed then. It was a laugh like one of her old ones, when she had lived in Camelot. Neither Merlin nor Olwen, noticed Mordred listening to them, smiling to himself.

xXxXxXx FOUR MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

The bad weather was getting worse. The snow had become a snowstorm. Merlin and Mordred, after much urging from Mordred, had decided to stay with Olwen, and over the time that they were with him, Olwen learned why Merlin was called Emrys, which shocked him, but not as much as he really should have been shocked. He also learned that she had been King Arthur's manservant. Of course, rumours had spread from Camelot, so Olwen knew exactly how Mordred had come to exist. He never confronted Merlin about it, not wanting to bring up painful memories for her. By the end of the fourth month, even Merlin would admit, grudgingly, that they were friends. It was once the snowstorms had stopped for a while, that Merlin had said she would go and try to find some food.

"You're trusting me to look after your son?" Olwen asked,

"No. I'm trusting him to look after you." Merlin replied cheerfully. Mordred giggled as Merlin left the house. Olwen looked at Mordred.

"Shall we follow her and see what she's up to?" Olwen asked.

"I thought it was my job to be a curious child?" Mordred questioned back.

"Come on kid. We're gonna go and see what your Mother is planning." Olwen said. Mordred sighed in exasperation as he pulled on his green cloak.

"If she catches you, you'll be sorry for spying." Mordred stated.

"And you won't?" Olwen stated. Mordred smirked.

"I'm the eight year old child. You're the adult. Who are you trying to fool?" Mordred replied. Olwen pulled on his own green jacket and followed Mordred outside, wondering how an eight year old was so intelligent.

xXxXxXx CAMELOT xXxXxXx

Arthur sighed as he looked over the latest scroll to land on his desk. Gwen was sitting in a chair near his desk, doing some needlework. She liked to keep Arthur company, knowing that Arthur didn't like his new manservant very much.

"What's wrong?" Gwen asked, as she saw a frown pass over Arthur's face.

"Other lands are appealing to me to allow bounty hunters to collect rogue sorcerers and sorceresses, to use as magical slaves." Arthur said.

"Why?" Gwen asked.

"I don't know, but I'm not considering it. It's an excuse to legalise the slavery of magic users. I didn't give them freedom to take it away again. While I'm King, this is never going to be considered." Arthur stated, before throwing the scroll in the fireplace. That was when George walked in.

"Oh! Sire! You're burning one of your important scrolls! Would you like me to retrieve it for you?" George asked. Gwen blinked, wondering how George would do that without burning himself.

"No thank you George. I purposely burnt that scroll." Arthur replied.

"Very well Sire. I have polished your boots, cleaned your armour, sharpened your sword, prepared your lunch and arranged your paperwork into chronological order. I also took the liberty of walking your dogs, mucking out your stables and mending that blue tunic that got torn during your hunting trip last week." George said. Gwen was stifling a giggle at Arthur's dumbfounded expression. Arthur cleared his throat and then looked at George.

"Well... George. If you'd like to fetch lunch for the Queen and myself, we shall be eating in here, very soon." Arthur said. George bowed and ran off to do as he'd been asked. Once he left, Gwen was laughing quite loudly. If anyone had walked past the King's chambers that day, they would have assumed the Queen was not acting very ladylike. "Don't laugh Guinevere." Arthur said seriously. But looking at the serious look on Arthur's face made Gwen laugh all the more.

"I can't believe you hired him after having Merlin as your servant." Gwen stated, once she managed to control her laughter for long enough. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"He's a good servant. He's just..." Arthur didn't know how to finish that.

"Terribly boring and efficient?" Everything that Merlin wasn't?" Gwen supplied.

"Exactly." Arthur replied. Gwen couldn't help it. She burst into laughter again.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin went to the nearest exit gate out of the town. She looked for a clearing and then she called out to Kilgarrah. As she waited, she thought about what she was going to do now. Kilgarrah was getting older. He couldn't really fly them away from Halyria, but he could give her advice, especially what to do about Olwen. He made her laugh, he made her smile, and he was kind to Mordred. But Merlin had been alone for so long she wasn't sure if she could trust Olwen, not really. Though she knew he wouldn't hurt Mordred, else she would never have left her son alone with him, but could she trust him with something almost as precious as her son, her heart? When Kilgarrah landed, she heard a gasp behind her, and slapped a hand to her forehead in exasperation. She didn't even need to turn around to see the Olwen had followed her.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Following Merlin was easy enough. The track of snow prints were a dead giveaway. Mordred knew what his Mother was going to do. Maybe, if Kilgarrah met Olwen, he could tell Merlin it was alright to trust him. Mordred wanted his mother to be happy. He had seen her smile and even laugh a few times since they had been in Olwen's company. Mordred wanted that for his Mother. He wanted her happiness. He often thought about the last conversation he'd had with his older self, before older Mordred had left on that mission to the White Mountains.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

"Mordred, you and I are connected. If something happens to me, something bad, one of three things will happen." Older Mordred had said. Mordred nodded and listened intently. "One is that my spirit will pass on to the otherworld. Two, is that my spirit will return to you, because we are one and the same. The last is that I'll return to my own time. But I don't think that will happen." Older Mordred finished.

"You think you're going to die." Mordred remembered saying. His connection to his older self, gave him a keener sense of understanding and knowledge. Older Mordred nodded.

"I think it's going to happen soon. I've been here, at the same time as you, for a while. I don't know how this will affect either, or both, of us. But what I want you to remember, is that even if I die, we will always be connected. The understanding that you have? The wisdom and knowledge? That's not going to go away. If I die, Mother will very likely leave Camelot. Don't push her to go back. She'll come back all by herself, even if it takes a while. She will. She'll miss everyone too much to ever stay away forever." Older Mordred told him.

"But if you die, Mother will be unhappy." Mordred said. Older Mordred nodded.

"That's true. But one day, whether Mother decides to leave Camelot or not, Mother will meet someone. A man, a woman, it doesn't really matter. What is important, is that you will know if that person makes our Mother happy. Mother will try and avoid it. She'll pretend that she isn't happy, but you'll know, just as I would know. When you see she's found that person, make sure she doesn't let them go. Our Mother deserves happiness. She deserves a chance to be happy. We don't want her mourning me forever." Older Mordred said gently.

"But she won't forget you will she?" Mordred asked. Older Mordred shook his head and smiled.

"No. Mother will never forget me. But that doesn't mean she should be unhappy. So just make sure to keep an eye on her. Don't let her push away friends or anyone else that might make her happy." Older Mordred explained to him.

xXxXxXx END FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

Mordred always kept that conversation clear in his mind. As soon as he'd seen the way his Mother acted with Olwen, he knew Olwen was who Older Mordred had meant. They had found Merlin in a clearing, waiting for Kilgarrah. It was when Kilgarrah landed that Olwen had gasped, giving them up. Mordred smirked to himself. Having an older mind had some advantages.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"I cannot believe you followed me." Merlin stated to Olwen angrily, as Mordred sat with Kilgarrah.

"I can't believe you're a Dragonlord! You could have said!" Olwen exclaimed.

"I'm the last one. So why do I need to shout it around?" Merlin asked.

"You're not the last one. My father was a Dragonlord as well. Why do you think that those bounty hunters have been chasing me for so long?" Olwen shot back.

"You're a Dragonlord?" Merlin asked. Mordred rolled his eyes.

"Are they always like this?" Kilgarrah asked the boy.

"Yes. They're always like this Kilgarrah. Is there anything I can do about it?" Mordred asked.

"No. You'll have to deal with them like this forever, more than likely." Kilgarrah stated. Mordred sighed. It was times like these, that Mordred found it very difficult to deal with his older self's request. It was good for his Mother to be happy. It really was. But did she have to fight with her friends all the time?

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, so I'm stopping this chapter here. I hope you all enjoyed it. Next chapter, more on Merlin's life outside Camelot. I hope you'll all enjoy it. I'll be updating tomorrow, so see you all then.


	12. Chapter 12

Okay, so here is chapter twelve. This fic is getting longer and longer for no particular reason, apart from the fact that I feel like it. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed, and to those who added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it. Also, I've made some fan art for this fic using the Game of Thrones Doll Maker at the link to my gallery for this fic on Deviant art is below. Just remove the spaces. LOL!

lady blade waragnel. deviantart gallery/ 41607343

So on with Merlin and Mordred's life outside Camelot. (nods)

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History is What You Make It.

Chapter 12.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_"I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut,_

_My weakness is that I care too much,_

_And our scars remind us that the past is real,_

_I tear myself open just to feel._

_I tried to help you one,_

_Against my own advice,_

_I saw you going down,_

_But you never realised,_

_That you're drowning in the water,_

_And I offered you my hand,_

_Compassion's in my nature,_

_Tonight is our last stand." Scars – Papa Roach._

It had been a year since Olwen had joined Merlin and Mordred on their travels. Slowly but surely, Merlin and Olwen had built up a strong friendship, that had grown into something neither of them really defined. The only ones who defined it were Mordred, Kilgarrah and surprisingly Hunith. The last two months, had been spent in Ealdor. As Merlin and Olwen walked off to get firewood, bickering as they went, Mordred watched from the window. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at his grandmother.

"Grandma?" Mordred questioned.

"They look happy." Hunith said softly.

"I think they are." Mordred replied. He knew it would be difficult to explain to his grandmother what his motives were. But Hunith didn't ask him any questions about that. She tousled his hair gently.

"I think you're right Mordred. Maybe this is a good thing." Hunith said softly. Mordred nodded. He knew that in a week, the anniversary of his older self's death would be here. Three years since older Mordred died. Every year, on that day, Merlin shut herself off from the world. That was why she came to Ealdor. She knew Mordred would be safe with her mother. Mordred knew this and didn't question it. His older self had told him not to question her sadness. It was normal to be sad when you lost someone you cared about. But Mordred also had a feeling that Olwen would question his mother. He wasn't sure whether to try and stop him or not.

xXxXxXx ONE WEEK LATER xXxXxXx

Arthur woke that morning and dismissed George for the day. This was the third anniversary of older Mordred's death. He had already informed the council that he would not be attending any meetings today. He sat in his chambers, thinking about everything and nothing, mourning a son he'd barely known. After a while, Gwen came to join him. She would always join him on this day every year. She would sit by his side and she would stay quiet unless he spoke to her. She too felt the pain of losing Mordred keenly. Not as keenly as Arthur, and never more than Merlin, but she still felt pain at the loss. She also knew her husband well. She knew he didn't want anyone to speak to, though sometimes he wished to vent. She knew that he did want her company, if it was just to know she was near, to hold her hand, he still wanted her there. Of course, the children would go through their normal lessons. None of them really remembered older Mordred, not even Elyan. Also it was too painful for Arthur to see them on this day. He would always think about the son he had lost, and the terrible way in which he had treated his son. It may not have been intentional, but Arthur knew he had treated Mordred unfairly. His prejudices, long ground into him from birth, had taken over his judgement. He wished he could go back and change things. He'd wished this many times when thinking about older Mordred. But it wasn't possible. So he spent this day in mourning every year. It was the least he could for his lost son.

xXxXxXx EALDOR xXxXxXx

Merlin had started to travel towards the lake of Avalon, where she had buried so many people that she loved. Freya, her dear friend, had been first. Freya with her kind brown eyes, and trusting spirit, and the curse that she couldn't escape. It was her, that Merlin had bought there first. Then it had been her father, Balinor, who she had believed to be the last Dragonlord. She had barely known him, yet it had hurt her to lose him. All those good times that could have been made, all the things she could have learned about her father, were lost the moment he died. But the important thing had been that he cared enough for her to throw himself in front of a blade to save her life. Then Lancelot, her closest friend apart from Arthur, and the only other person apart from Gaius and her mother to know all of her secrets. Burning his body had hurt her deeply. It had wounded her, just as it had wounded her to burn Freya's body. These wounds never healed. They never did when you buried or burned the bodies of people you loved. The last one she had burned, had been older Mordred, her son. She had never know she could love anyone so much before she had become a mother. She had never known she would love Mordred so much despite how he came to be. But meeting older Mordred and getting to know him and see him had made Merlin love him, whether it was the older or younger Mordred. They were the same person, and yet Merlin felt they were different too. But that all consuming love that she had had for her son, her desperate need to protect him, had bought her the greatest pain when he died protecting her. She knew that she could never get over that. Forgiving Arthur, Gwen, Gwaine and those she had left back in Camelot had been surprisingly easy. Oh they had earned her harsh words to be sure, but when she burned her son's body, all her anger washed away, and she knew it wasn't really their fault. Of course Arthur, Gwaine and Gwen had all treated her and Mordred terribly. But had Mordred not died, would she had had the same reaction to everything? She knew she would not have. But she would not return to Camelot. She couldn't do that. Not yet. She didn't take notice that she was being followed. Olwen, was curious as to where Merlin was disappearing to. It was in his nature to be nosy. Especially when he noticed that neither Mordred nor Hunith had paid too much attention to where Merlin was going. It made him wonder what it was Merlin was up to that reduced her family to silence.

xXxXxXx LAKE OF AVALON xXxXxXx

Merlin had picked four white lilies on her way to the Lake of Avalon, along with other flowers. She made a bouquet, using one of the lilies as a centre piece. The other three she kept loose. She had finally made her way to the Lake of Avalon, where she stood with the flowers. She selected one single lily.

"For you Freya." Merlin said softly, as she threw the first lily into the lake. She took the second loose lily. "For you Lancelot." Merlin said sadly, and dropped that into the lake as well. Then the third, she threw into the lake. "For you, father." Merlin just about got out. Then the bouquet was the only thing left in her hands. "And for you, my sweet Mordred. I'll never forget you. You know by now." Merlin sobbed out. Her tears dripped down her cheeks, as she threw the bouquet of flowers into the lake. That was when a ghostly apparition appeared from the water. "Freya? You don't usually appear like this." Merlin said to her old friend. Freya smiled.

"I just thought that you should know that a part of Older Mordred lives within little Mordred. You've grieved for so long Merlin. You lost your son, even he wouldn't deny that. But older Mordred, is a part of the lake and a part of little Mordred. He'll always be connected to you. Until it is time for his younger self to cross to the other side, he'll always be here, waiting for you all." Freya told Merlin gently.

"That doesn't mean that I don't miss him Freya. Every single day I miss him. If I could I'd give my life to bring him back. But I can't. I've tried. What's the point in having power over life and death if you can't bring someone you love back?" Merlin asked. Freya gave Merlin a sad smile.

"The point is that it isn't your time. But it was his. He knew that. He knew it was a big possibility that he would die that day. But he was willing to sacrifice his life so that his younger self could grow up with a mother. You know, Merlin, you can be very silly for someone who is so wise. Trust that Mordred is with you always, and he always will be." Freya said gently. Merlin nodded her understanding. They had had this conversation before, but Merlin still felt the need to come here on the anniversary of Older Mordred's death, just to feel closer to him. "Also, you should know that you're being watched. It's not fair for your friend to spy on you without considering your feelings first." Freya said softly and pointed towards a small outcrop of trees, where Merlin spotted a head of red hair ducking down. Merlin growled out angrily and charged over to Olwen.

xXxXxXx EALDOR xXxXxXx

"Do you think Mother noticed that Olwen followed her this morning?" Mordred asked his grandmother. Hunith dropped the bowl she had been cleaning, her mouth gaped open in shock.

"Mordred! Why didn't you say something earlier? Your Mother will be very angry that Olwen followed her." Hunith scolded. Mordred shrugged.

"It's time that Mother let someone else into her heart. Not just us. She needs to be happy again. Older me said I'd know when it was time. It's time now." Mordred replied. Hunith looked at her grandson and frowned, wondering how on earth he knew this was the right time. However, Hunith didn't question the nine year old boy. She had learned that his instincts were usually right. She went back to cleaning the dishes from lunch and trying to ignore the feeling that something strange was about to happen.

xXxXxXx LAKE OF AVALON xXxXxXx

"Olwen!" Merlin yelled at him. The red head sighed and stood up, knowing he'd been caught.

"Merlin? Nice day for a walk?" Olwen tried. Merlin had a face like thunder and Olwen was struck by the notion that while Merlin looked absolutely terrifying, she also looked breathtakingly beautiful at the same time, it made his breath catch in his throat.

"This is not a day to try my patience Olwen." Merlin said angrily.

"You're grieving a dead son. I heard. Why didn't you tell me? How old was he?" Olwen asked. He truly wanted to know. He could see Merlin's sadness so clearly and it wasn't something he was used to. He was used to the woman arguing with him, and he was used to sharing insults and witty humour, not this sadness and anger. Merlin clenched her fists as she looked at Olwen and not knowing why she did it, what made her do it, she grabbed hold of his collar and smashed her lips against his. It wasn't a gently kiss, it was filled with all of Merlin's pent up rage and anger and frustration. Olwen's eyes were wide open in shock, the moment Merlin's lips touched his own. But soon he wasn't concerned. He kissed her back just as fiercely, a year's worth of frustration worked in to it. He'd wanted to kiss her for a long time, now he was. He didn't object when Merlin began to pull off his clothing. Maybe he should have, but it was too much like a dream come true for him to stop her.

xXxXxXx CAMELOT xXxXxXx

Arthur and Gwen had not left Arthur's chambers all day until now. Arthur had taken Gwen down to the burial vaults.

"Why are we coming down here Arthur?" Gwen asked gently. Arthur licked at his lips nervously as he bought Gwen to stand in front of a new tomb. The tomb had the likeness of Mordred's face etched into it. "Did you have this made Arthur?" Gwen asked. Arthur nodded.

"Even before I knew everything, before I knew he was my son, I always loved him like he was. I was proud to be his favourite Uncle Arthur, and with Older Mordred," Arthur rested a hand on the tomb. "I was proud to call him one of my Knights. He was my friend, and I treated him like a son too. Something about him always called to me. Even though Merlin took his body, I... I wanted to commemorate him as he deserved. He was my son, he deserved a place here just like all the other Pendragons." Arthur said. Gwen squeezed his hand. "If Merlin comes back, you don't think she'll be angry about this do you?" Arthur asked Gwen. In that moment, the grown man, nay, the grown King, looked at Gwen with such a look, it was almost like looking into the eyes of a child. Gwen looped her arm around his and looked down at the tomb.

"No. I don't think she'll be angry. I think she'll appreciate that you remembered Mordred and acknowledged him as your son. She won't be angry." Gwen reassured. As they left the burial vaults, the sun was starting to set and the pair decided to go back to Arthur's chambers for the rest of the night.

xXxXxXx LAKE OF AVALON xXxXxXx

Merlin and Olwen were sat beside the lake. Merlin's thick black hair was in a tangled mess after their earlier activities. Olwen draped his green jacket around her shoulders as the sun started to set and the breeze became chilly.

"So are you going to talk to me now?" Olwen asked. Merlin arched a brow in a very Gaius like manner.

"What makes you think I will talk about this?" Merlin asked.

"Well we've seen each other naked and done things that would probably make your mother furious. So I don't think there's much else to hide." Olwen replied. Merlin smiled then, one of her old smiles that lit up a room. Then she frowned as she looked into the lake, and finally, after three years of being unable to speak of it, Merlin told Olwen the whole story. How she had come to Camelot, how she had hidden her gender and pretended to be a man, and how she had become Arthur's manservant, and all the adventures that came with it. She told him all about those people she had loved and lost, and whose bodies she had burned here. Then, finally, she told him about Mordred, everything about Mordred. Olwen had a dark look on his face by the time Merlin had finished her tale. "Merlin, I'm sorry." Olwen said gently.

"For what? None of this is your fault." Merlin replied. She felt lighter, for the first time in years, freer, as though she had managed to lift a great weight from her shoulders by speaking of older Mordred to Olwen.

"I'm sorry that you've had to suffer so much. I'm not going to promise that you'll never suffer any pain ever again. I won't promise that your life will be easy from now on. What I can promise is that as long as I'm alive, I'll always be here for you. If you ever need me, I'll be waiting. Always." Olwen told the woman next to him. Merlin smiled at him and placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

"I never doubted you would be." Merlin said softly.

xXxXxXx SIX MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin and Olwen were on a small boat, Hunith and Mordred were with them, as they floated over the water to the aisle of the blessed. Merlin wore a dress of white, which was shoulderless but not strapless. Long, draping sleeves hung from her slender arms, and only if you were looking, could you see the tiniest, tell-tale roundness of Merlin's stomach. Mordred and Hunith were to be the only witnesses of a wedding performed by an old Druid friend, Iseldir. Iseldir waited for them in the old castle. Hunith and Mordred watched as Merlin and Olwen walked to the altar, standing opposite each other, in front of Iseldir.

"I am here to oversee, from this great seat of the Old Religion, a ceremony of Handfasting between Olwen, son of Dobhailen, of the last Dragonlords, and the great Emrys, Merlin the daughter of Balinor, of the last Dragonlords. I witness this union of the last two Dragonlords in existence. May they be blessed by the Triple Goddess, the Gods, and Old Religion, for all eternity." Iseldir said formerly. He looked at Olwen and Merlin. Olwen held out his hands, palms up, and Merlin placed her own hands within his.

"I, Olwen, son of Dobhailen, do take thee Merlin, daughter of Balinor, to be my wife. I pledge to her my loyalty, my fidelity, my love and my trust for as long as we both shall live." Olwen said solemnly. Merlin smiled as she gently squeezed Olwen's hands.

"I Merlin, daughter of Balinor, take thee Olwen, son of Dobhailen, to be my husband. I pledge to him my loyalty, my fidelity, my love and my trust, for as long as we both shall live." Merlin said. Iseldir smiled, and pulled out a red and blue cloth, woven with gold thread, and he entwined the cloth around their hands, tying a knot at the top of their joined hands. Then at the same time Merlin and Olwen began to speak.

"I promise you friendship when you feel alone, I promise you comfort when you need a home, I promise to care for you when you are unwell, I promise your secrets, never to tell." Both Merlin and Olwen said at the same time. Iseldir took their joined hands, and raised them to the sky.

"May the blessings of the earth be upon both of you." Iseldir said. The ceremony was at an end. Olwen leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Merlin's forehead. Then the group left the old ruined castle, ready to celebrate their marriage.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, so that's the end of this chapter. I'm not very good with romance. So if it all seems a bit... well not right in some way, I do apologise. Please R&R and let me know what you all thought. The handfasting ceremony was completely made up, except for a cloth being tied around their hands, that's true to life. (nods) I didn't know that people still performed handfasting ceremonies now. But they apparently do. Also I did NOT write a lemon between Merlin and Olwen for two reasons. 1 is that this fic is NOT rated for mature content. LOL! 2, lemons are just... not my thing. I don't think I'm any good at them and I know I hate to read bad lemons, so I won't subject anyone to reading _my_ bad lemons. LOL! See you tomorrow people.


	13. Chapter 13

Okay, so here is chapter thirteen. At the end of this chapter, I'm going to write a little note, giving you guys a choice on something. So please read until the end. It won't be a long note. I promise. Also, this chapter has skipped ahead a few years. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and to those who added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it.

To my anonymous reviewer, Peace10, thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you love my fic so far. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 13.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_Invitation only grant farewells_

_Crash the best one of the best ones_

_Clear liquor and cloudy eye__d_

_Too early to, say goodnight" Stolen – Dashboard Confessional._

It had been over eight years since Merlin had left Camelot with Mordred. In all this time, Arthur and Gwen had searched all over for Merlin, but had never found her. Arthur's new laws, repealing the ban on magic, had been successful so far. Dark magic was strictly forbidden, but those who used it for good were free to roam the land as they pleased. Arthur would not name a Court Sorcerer or Sorceress. That job was reserved for Merlin and for Merlin alone. Prince Elyan was eleven years old, Princess Ygraine was ten, and the twins, Prince Uther and Princess Merlin were almost nine. Arthur thought often about Mordred. His son. The boy was fourteen now, but Arthur had not seen him in the eight years that had gone by. He also thought about Sir Mordred, who, in essence, was his son as an adult. How Arthur wished he could go back and let Mordred know that even when he didn't know that he was his son, Arthur had loved Mordred as much as he had any of his own children. Arthur wanted to speak to Merlin again, to see how Mordred had grown, to tell his old friend that he was sorry. But he couldn't find her. Today was officially Mordred's fourteenth birthday. Things had most definitely changed in Camelot since Merlin had left. Elyan would go and watch magic users perform tricks in Camelot's market square, Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin, would join him, and often, Arthur wished Merlin were here to see this happening, after all, it was what she had worked for. It was as Arthur worked on some papers that he heard a frantic knock on his door, before Gwen ran in.

"Guinevere? What's wrong?" Arthur asked.

"It's Merlin. She's back in Camelot. She... she arrived with an injured man, and three children." Gwen replied. Her eyes were wide as she spoke. Arthur left the room with Gwen, wondering what had happened.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin was terrified as she sat by Olwen's side. She had a tight grip on his hand as Gaius worked over him.

"What happened Merlin? Who is this man?" Gaius asked.

"He's my husband, Gaius. We were attacked by men who wanted to take the children to sell as magical slaves. Please Gaius, do what you can." Merlin pleaded. A hand rested on top of her large stomach, and her anxiety made her unborn child uneasy, as she prayed that Olwen would live.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur and Gwen ran towards Gaius' chambers, and stopped, a teenage boy stood in the doorway looking frightened. He wore a green cloak, his brown hair mussed and his cheeks slightly flushed. It was obvious that the boy had been running before he got here. He looked at Arthur and Gwen, and Arthur saw he had the same blue eyes as Merlin. That was when Arthur realised that this was surely Mordred.

"Mordred?" Arthur asked.

"You remember me Uncle Arthur?" Mordred asked.

"Mordred what happened?" Arthur asked. Mordred looked saddened when Arthur asked that question.

"They just... they came out of nowhere. They wanted to take me, Freya and Balinor for the magic traders. I don't know who they were. Olwen and Mother wouldn't let them take us, but there were so many of them. One of them... one of them ran Olwen through. Mother used her magic to get us all away. We didn't have any choice. Now... Olwen might die. This was the first place we could think of to come. Mother knew Grandpa Gaius might be able to help." Mordred replied. Arthur nodded his head.

"It's alright Mordred." Arthur told the boy, pulling him into a hug. Mordred stiffened slightly at first, and then relaxed. He was scared, Arthur knew that from his trembling, but he was fourteen year old. He didn't want to show his sadness and fear to everyone. Arthur and Gwen walked into the room to see Merlin, holding on to the hand of a red headed male. The man wasn't conscious. Both Arthur and Gwen could see the unshed tears in Merlin's eyes, the pleading look. She didn't want to see him die.

"Merlin?" Gwen said gently. Merlin's head shot up to look at them. "We... we could take the children to the nursery... if you'd like..." Gwen trailed off. Merlin looked at them and then at Mordred. She nodded slowly.

"Thank you." She said gruffly. Her voice seemed rough with sadness. Gwen picked up the small boy, who couldn't have been more than two years old. A four year old girl looked at them all carefully. Her dark hair was long and messy, but her eyes were the same incredible blue as Merlin's and Mordred's. The little boy, had the red hair of the man who lay on Gaius' patient cot, and when he opened his eyes, sleepily, they were a bright, emerald green. Though both Arthur and Gwen wanted to stay and ask Merlin questions, they both knew that Gaius could only work around so many people. Arthur crouched down in front of the little girl.

"Hello there. What's your name?" Arthur asked. The little girl cocked her head to the side and then she looked at Mordred, who nodded.

"I'm Freya." The little girl said.

"Would you like to come with us and get something to eat?" Arthur asked her. Again, Freya looked at Mordred, and then at her mother, both who nodded, and she nodded herself, taking Arthur's offered hand. When they left the room, Merlin looked at Gaius.

"Do you think you can save him Gaius?" Merlin asked. The old man looked at Merlin, a worried frown crossed his face.

"I don't know Merlin. I truly don't know." Gaius replied.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Once Gwen had settled Balinor and Freya in the nursery, she called to one of the maids to fetch some food for the children. Then she turned to Arthur, who was watching Mordred playing with Freya, balls of familiar light in their hands.

"That's the same light Merlin used to save my life when I went to the forest of Balor to get the Morteus flower to save Merlin." Arthur said to Gwen. Gwen smiled as she saw the eerie beauty of the orbs of light.

"Why don't you take Mordred with you to your chambers, spend some time with him. It had been a long time after all. I'll stay and look after the children." Gwen said gently. Arthur nodded.

"Mordred, would you like to come with me? I'm going to organise the patrol times for the Knights. Maybe you can tell me some more about your life while I work." Arthur asked Mordred. Mordred grinned and nodded.

"Of course Uncle Arthur. I wonder if anything has changed around here. It all seems the same to me." Mordred replied.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin had to move away from Olwen as Gaius carried on working on the man she loved.

"Merlin. Go and talk to Arthur. He has missed you. It will give you both a chance to clear the air. I will come and find you as soon as I know anything for certain." Gaius said. Merlin shook her head.

"No Gaius I can't leave him." Merlin said softly.

"You must. If the worst should happen, the shock could send you into early labour. You must think of your child as well as your husband." Gaius told Merlin firmly. That was when she gave up and left the room. She knew she couldn't help Gaius this time. Her huge stomach and her personal feelings would get in the way, and she knew that Gaius needed space to work. So Merlin left the room, looking back at Olwen several times before she finally closed the door. Then she took a few deep breaths before she left to go and do something she had felt a need to do for years. She was going to go and talk to Arthur.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

When Mordred arrived with Arthur at his chambers, Arthur watched as the boy looked around curiously.

"It hasn't changed all that much since I was here." Mordred said.

"You think not?" Arthur asked. Mordred nodded and started wandering the room, looking at things. He picked up a small, wooden toy sword.

"I remember this. I used to play with it all the time. I missed it when we left." Mordred said. He turned the toy sword over in his hands and Arthur couldn't help feeling a tremor of happiness come over him. Mordred remembered them fondly. Merlin obviously hadn't told Mordred to think any differently about them. Not that he had expected her too, but it was still a relief, as Arthur watched Mordred taking practise swings. Arthur couldn't help but feel a certain pride as he watched Mordred with the toy sword.

"Have you used a real sword Mordred?" Arthur asked. The teenager grinned.

"I have. But I don't use it when we stay with Druids. They don't believe in weapons." Mordred replied.

"This... Olwen? Is he a friend of your Mother's?" Arthur asked.

"He's her husband. I was ten when they married. Grandma and I were both there. Olwen taught me a few things about weapons over the years." Mordred said. Arthur felt a pang of jealousy and the idea that this Olwen had, in some way, taken the place that had always belonged to Arthur. He didn't like it, but of course, he knew the jealousy was groundless. It didn't end the feelings though.

"So, you have a sister and a brother." Arthur said. He smiled when he saw Mordred's eyes light up, and the teen smiled and nodded.

"Freya and Balinor. Mother says that if this one is a boy, she'll name him Will, and if it's a girl, she'll name her Alice. Will for her childhood friend who died, and Alice for the woman who helped my Mother deliver me. Gaius was in love with her when they were young. I don't think he ever stopped loving her, but she had to run when the Great Purge started, and Gaius had to stay to make sure that no one ever knew where she went. She died last year. Mother went to see her before she died." Mordred said sadly. That was when the door to Arthur's chambers swung open. When Arthur and Mordred looked at the open door and saw Merlin, Arthur wasn't surprised that Merlin hadn't knocked. She could never change that much. Mordred walked over and hugged his Mother. That was when Arthur noticed that Mordred was almost as tall as Merlin, and Merlin was tall for a woman. Arthur could see the signs of Older Mordred within the teenager. Arthur noted the lean, yet sinewy build of the boy, and knew his skinny frame would carry muscle. Arthur was sure that Mordred would become a Knight, maybe one of his best. It was almost a premonition, an image that entered his mind of Older Mordred, but Arthur knew this would be different. This time, Mordred would be acknowledged for all of his gifts, not just his swordsmanship.

"Is Olwen alright Mother?" Mordred asked.

"Gaius is still working on him. He asked me to leave. He didn't want me to see him working on Olwen." Merlin replied.

"Merlin?" Arthur questioned.

"We need to talk Arthur." Merlin said gently. Mordred looked between the pair and then went to the open door behind his Mother.

"I think I'll go and check on Freya and Balinor. Maybe I'll go and see how Elyam, Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin are." Mordred stated. Then he left Merlin and Arthur alone. Arthur gestured to a seat, but Merlin walked over to the window, where she sat on the windowsill, her knees pulled up, her feet resting against the opposite wall to her back. Arthur noted that Merlin rested a hand on her large stomach.

"So, you're pregnant." Arthur stated. Merlin smirked.

"That's the first thing you can think to say to me after eight years?" Merlin asked. Arthur could help letting out a bark of laughter, and he hoped that this would be the day he got his best friend back.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, so I've ended the chapter here, mainly because I'm not at home, so I don't really have the time to get into the deep conversation between Merlin and Arthur. What I want to know from you all is, would you like me to kill off Olwen, or allow him to live. I have an idea of what I'm doing writing in either direction. However I thought I'd give you guys, my readers, a chance to have an input. So please, whether you would like to say in your reviews, or whether you'd like to PM me, tell me, dead Olwen or living Olwen? Please R&R and let me know what you thought of this chapter and your choices. See you all tomorrow.


	14. Chapter 14

Okay, so here's the next chapter. I hope you all love it. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and to those who added me to their faves and alerts. I really appreciate it. Replies to anonymous/guest reviewers are below.

**Guest:** Thanks for your review. I know I have a habit of being mean and leaving cliffhangers at the ends of my chappies. I'm kinda mean like that. I'm glad you like the last chappie and I hope that you like this one. The results of voting are below, so you will know whether Olwen will live or die. (nods)

**Guest (2):**Thanks for your review. Don't pitch a fit. This is a voting thing. It's not my fault if he ends up dead. LOL! Read below for the results and I hope that you enjoy this update.

**kitkat84:** Thanks for reviewing. I really appreciate it. I'm glad you love the story so far, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Okay, so the results are in for Olwen. (nods)

Living Olwen: 7

Dead Olwen: 2

Unsure: 1

So Olwen gets to live. (nods) It's great when I give the majority vote a chance to rule a point of my work. LOL! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 14.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_I run and run a thousand miles, _

_And I am barely breathing,_

_Only the fuel of a passion heart, _

_Keeps this body strong and moving forward,_

_Could it be I found a place to rest, _

_How long until I'm OK?_

_Trees of the town reveal the time has come. _

_Once again to shift our shade and colours.___

_The world always changes around us _

_But weakness will always remain,_

_Through all the pain, believe in _

_Who we are right here and now...___

_Raise one hand to the sky. _

_Raise them both, lift them high_

_And you'll cut through the darkness, _

_Make it go!_

_The time to start is now! _

_And I can show you how!_

_Start with me and the world will be _

_Even bigger than ever before!" Shissou – Vic Mignona_

"I'm just... surprised. You do remember that for the first ten years I knew you, I knew you as a man. Now you're a pregnant woman." Arthur said. Merlin nodded her understanding, an amused half smile crossed her face. It was still hard for Arthur to see Merlin as a woman.

"Well you really are going to have to learn to start dealing with it. I've been a woman all my life. It was irritating to pretend to be a man." Merlin said, as she rubbed her stomach absently. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"I know I always used to call you a girl, but I didn't know you really were one. I mean, you've seen me naked for God's sake!" Arthur exclaimed. This made Merlin laugh.

"If I'm honest there wasn't much for me to look at." Merlin shot back. Arthur's mouth gaped open like a fish out of water and Merlin smirked before she started to laugh again.

"I know I walked right into that one." Arthur stated, before his face turned serious. "It's good to see you again Merlin. I've... well we've all been worried about you." Arthur added.

"I know Arthur. I needed time. It's taken me a long time to get over Mordred's death. I don't think it's something I will ever get over completely. But the pain consumed me for so long that it's all I could think about, apart from raising little Mordred. For two years I travelled and learned more about my magic, and I tried so hard to not think about the pain I was feeling. Then... well when I met Olwen, I... I understood your love for Gwen. I... I didn't want to love him. I've lost so many people I loved. If I lose him now... it will kill me. Without meaning to, I let him into my life and my heart. I found out that he's a Dragonlord, like my father and I. He thought he was the last one until we met. Things... everything went quickly I suppose. We married..." Merlin trailed off.

"Mordred said something about that. Hunith and he were the only witnesses." Arthur said. Merlin nodded. She was still rubbing her stomach. "Are you alright?" Arthur asked her. Merlin gave him a smile.

"I'm fine. This one likes moving around all the time. Rubbing my stomach relaxes it and puts it to sleep. Boy or girl, I have a feeling that this one is going to be the type to find trouble wherever they go." Merlin replied. Arthur let out a laugh.

"It'll be just like it's mother then. You were always a magnet for trouble." Arthur stated. Merlin looked out of the window and into the courtyard. She saw that Mordred was outside with four children, that she assumed were the royal children.

"They've grown so much." Merlin said gently.

"Children tend to if I remember correctly." Arthur shot back. "So, where were we?" Arthur asked cheekily. Merlin rolled her eyes and carried on her story.

"Well Olwen and I married on the Isle of the Blessed. Iseldir married us. You've met Iseldir at least twice in the past. Once when you... when you took older Mordred back to the Druids. The other time was when you took the cup of life from them." Merlin said. Arthur thought for a moment, trying to recall the old Druid's face.

"I thought he looked familiar." Arthur said as the image came to his mind. Merlin nodded.

"After we married, I had Freya, then I had Balinor and things were... peaceful. We travelled around as we always have done. Mordred... Mordred was initiated as a Druid, and got the same tattoo that I have." Merlin stated, absently rubbing the spot she knew her druid tattoo to be. "That was until..." Merlin trailed off. Her eyes filled with pain, and Arthur rested a hand on top of hers. She didn't pull away and he squeezed her hand gently, trying to offer some comfort and reassurance. "We were heading towards Ealdor to visit my mother. I was... I was trying to get rid of my morning sickness. It seems to have persevered throughout the whole pregnancy. I went to get some water. I... heard yelling and screaming. Lot has still banned magic in his Kingdom. Mordred was... he was teaching Freya how to make an orb of light. Olwen must have gone looking for firewood. We... we never taught them to be afraid of using their magic. Maybe I should have taught them some fear." Merlin said. Arthur could see the unshed tears waiting to fall down her cheeks. "They attacked us. Lot's men. There were so many. Even for Olwen, Mordred and I. One of them... one of them stabbed Olwen from behind... ran him through..." Merlin trailed off as the tears started sliding down her cheeks. Arthur could feel the pain acutely.

"Gaius... I asked Gaius about everything. All those times you saved my life Merlin... everything you gave up for me... I'm sorry Merlin. I've waited for years to say it to you. You and Mordred were owed more than you got. I treated you both terribly. I didn't take into account what you've had to go through. I just... when I found out you had lied to me all those years, I was angry and I didn't think. I suppose that's why you're my best friend. You always made me think before I took action. You always challenged me. I need you to come back home Merlin. We've all... missed you and we all need you." Arthur said gently. Merlin looked out over the courtyard again.

"I will come back, under one condition." Merlin said.

"Name it." Arthur replied.

"I want you to always acknowledge Mordred. I'm not telling you to make him a prince, or even a lord. Just acknowledge him. When he does something good, praise him and when he does something bad scold him... be... be his father. That is what you are, so..." Merlin trailed off.

"I always did before. Even when I didn't know he was my son. If I could go back Merlin, I would have told older Mordred how much he meant to me. I trusted him with my life. I would have told him how much he was loved. I always looked at Mordred as my son, and if I had known he was, he and older Mordred, I don't know what would have happened, but I would never have ignored them." Arthur replied.

"I know. I just..." Merlin didn't know what else to say.

"Why did you never tell me Merlin? I... I raped you. I forced myself on you..." Arthur trailed off, his face looking shamed. It was Merlin who took Arthur's hand then.

"It wasn't you Arthur. I've admitted it took me a while... to... not be angry. I won't lie and say I was never angry, but I didn't blame you. I knew you were under a spell. I could've used magic and stopped you. But then I could have hurt you badly, and I didn't want to hurt you. What happened is in the past now." Merlin said sadly.

"Well then you will have no objections to becoming my Court Sorceress." Arthur stated. Merlin blinked at Arthur in confusion.

"Don't you have one yet? You legalised magic six years ago. You should have a Court Sorcerer or Sorceress. That's very remiss of you." Merlin replied. Arthur laughed, but then his face became serious again.

"No. That job was always for you. You're the only one I could ever trust with it. You're the only one I trust with the magical safety of my people, my court and my family, and there is no one I'd rather have at my side. When I thought you were a man, I thought of you as a brother. Now... I think of you as a sister. Please Merlin... I'm not good with words, I never have been particularly good at showing my emotions, but I want you to come back to Camelot. I've... missed you." Arthur said. Merlin smiled and nodded.

"Olwen and I discussed this... about three years ago. The man insists on discussing the things I try to avoid." Merlin said, a smile crossed her face.

"He sounds like you. You always made me think about things that I didn't want to think about either." Arthur replied. Merlin nodded.

"It was the only way to get things through your thick head." Merlin quipped.

"And what did Olwen say on the matter?" Arthur asked. Merlin smiled.

"He said that should I wish to return to Camelot that he would be happy for us to live here. Now... I think it's time I finally came back. Although I'll need to find somewhere to live. My old room is going to be a little small for me, a husband and four children." Merlin stated. Arthur let out a bark of laughter.

"The Court Sorceress gets her own chambers Merlin. Her children can be placed close by. There was an old Sorcerer's tower that my father had closed up, attached to the castle. What do you think?" Arthur asked.

"A whole tower just for me to clean? I'm honoured." Merlin said sarcastically. Arthur and Merlin both laughed then, glad to have finally broken the ice between them after so many years.

xXxXxXx ONE WEEK LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin was walking the halls of Camelot, dressed in deep blue robes that matched her eyes. She had a dove grey, hooded cloak, around her shoulders, with a dragon pin holding it in place, and she had a hand firmly placed on her back. This was because with all the walking around whilst pregnant, was making her back ache. Merlin stopped for a moment in front of the council room. She knew that once she entered the room, she would be bombarded by all sorts of questions. She sighed as she rubbed circles on her back. She felt a hand cover hers, over her back, and she recognised that soft, yet rough touch. She turned around to look at Gwen. She had avoided speaking to Gwen since she got back. In fact she had avoided speaking to most people since she got back, apart from Arthur and Gaius. Olwen had been unconscious since Gaius had worked on him, and showed no signs of waking. Though his vital signs were getting better, Merlin was deeply afraid that he was die still. But she now had duties as Camelot's Court Sorceress, so she was here, ready to face the pack of Hyenas she called the council. Gwaine wasn't around apparently. He was on a mission patrolling the border between Escetia and Camelot, with Leon. Merlin looked at Gwen carefully, wondering what to say to the woman.

"Are you feeling alright Merlin?" Gwen asked.

"I'm fine Gwen. I really am." Merlin said softly.

"You'll do fine in there Merlin. I'm coming too and if you want a break just squeeze my hand." Gwen said gently. Merlin felt tears welling up in her eyes. What with her hormones and all the raw emotions that were swirling around within her at being back in Camelot, Merlin felt like she was always ready to cry.

"Why are you being so kind Gwen? I was so awful to you when I left." Merlin uttered weakly. Gwen smiled.

"Merlin, you had just lost your son. You'd been keeping all of this pain inside of you. Sooner or later you were bound to need to let it all out." Gwen said.

"Are you trying to say that what I said didn't hurt you?" Merlin asked.

"Of course it hurt me Merlin. It hurt me deeply. But I knew you were hurting more then I was. You... you gave everything to help us. You and... older Mordred. I should have fought for you. I... Arthur and I talked to Mordred that very day, just before Morgana's attack. We... we had decided that we were going to legalise magic, that we owed you that much. Then... well... then Morgana attacked." Gwen replied.

"I am sorry Gwen. I was... so angry... hurting so much... I..." Merlin couldn't say anymore. Gwen hugged Merlin gently and Merlin hugged back.

"I missed you Merlin. In a way, we earned some of those harsh words. We never realised how much we needed you here, how much we took you for granted, until you were gone." Gwen said. Merlin smiled, and then a frown flew across her face.

"Gwen, what about Mordred?" Merlin asked.

"What about Mordred?" Gwen questioned back.

"He's Arthur's son. Does that bother you?" Merlin asked. Gwen looked down at the ground and then back up at Merlin.

"Neither you nor Arthur picked that. Mordred was always... like a nephew to me. He was like family. He still is. You and Mordred, and now Freya and Balinor, and this little one," Gwen said, resting a hand on Merlin's large stomach. "You are all my family. You always treated me and my children like family too. Even if we're not related by blood, we are still a family." Gwen finished. Merlin smiled.

"After you, my Queen." Merlin said, a smile on her face.

"How about together, Lady Merlin." Gwen replied, also smiling. The two entered the council room arm in arm and took seats at the council table. The Round table was reserved for the Knights and Gwen, and now Merlin of course. But the council table was for the old council members. Merlin sat in her seat next to Gwen, and Arthur came in a short while later to sit beside his Queen. Once all the councillors were there, Arthur started the meeting.

"You all remember Merlin I'm sure." Arthur stated.

"We remember he was a man that became a woman." One older male said, making Merlin frown.

"I have appointed Merlin to be the Court Sorceress. As such she is now a Lady of the Court and will be the one to deal with all magical mishaps and users within the kingdom." Arthur said. One older man stood up, looking angry.

"You would give the position to someone like her sire?" The man said angrily.

"What is wrong with Merlin having the position?" Gwen asked.

"She is the mother of the King's bastard." The man bit back. Merlin stood from her seat, anger flashed in her eyes, her hand was outstretched, and the councillor found he could not speak or move.

"I am not a violent person sir, I never have been unless pushed, but I promise the next man that refers to my son as 'the King's bastard' or even refers to him as a bastard at all, will be sorry they ever did so. My son is an innocent child and I will not have him made to feel like dirt because of narrow minded bigots like you." Merlin hissed. With that, Merlin sat down again and the councillor was once again free to speak. Arthur looked at the councillors.

"Surely you won't allow her to treat us in such a way?" One of the old men stated.

"I agree with Merlin actually. Mordred may not be legitimate but that doesn't make him any less my son. He may not be a Prince or even a Lord, but he is my son, and as such he will be treated with the status due to a son of the King. I won't have him made to feel inferior." Arthur replied.

"And what of the reputation of the kingdom Sire?" Another man said. Merlin felt the anger boiling in her blood, just beneath the surface, as she looked at these men. She knew what they were going to say even if Arthur seemed confused.

"The reputation of this kingdom couldn't be in better hands." Arthur stated, the expression on his face was unreadable. Merlin felt a jolt of pride that Arthur still had such faith in her after all these years.

"She has two other children, and another on the way. Where is their father? Was she married, or are they all fathered by different men?" A braver man asked. Merlin stood up again, this time, the fury could be seen in her face. Her body was rigid with anger.

"I don't need to explain myself to any of you. But for Arthur's sake, I will tell you that my other three children have been fathered by my husband. A man I married in a druid handfasting ceremony. You don't get to know anymore than that because you have no right to know." Merlin hissed angrily. She was starting to feel dizzy, and Gwen stood up and placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder.

"Calm down Merlin. You must think of your baby." Gwen whispered. Immediately, Merlin started to relax. She let the anger drain out of her until she sat down and waited for more accusations to be levelled at her. She knew these men were not happy that she was here.

"A druid handfasting is not an official marriage." Another councillor said.

"We respect the laws, customs and ceremonies of all peoples in Camelot. Merlin's marriage, whether it was a Druid handfasting, or whether it was performed here in Camelot, is still a legitimate marriage. I won't have any more questions. I picked Merlin because she is the best person suited for this job, because she has my trust and always has done. There is nothing more to say on the matter." Arthur told the councillors firmly. The councillors frowned and muttered amongst themselves for a moment before nodding their understanding. The meeting carried on after that, without incident.

xXxXxXx TWO WEEKS LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin was walking towards the royal chambers, and had just reached the corridor, where Arthur's chambers had always been, when she felt it. Her waters had broken and she knew she was now in labour. She felt a strange fear bubble up within her. Olwen was still unconscious. She had been feeding him broth herself every day, trying to keep his strength up. He had never missed the births of the other children. This made Merlin more nervous than she otherwise would have been. Before she could turn around and go to Gaius' chambers, she saw Prince Uther walking down the corridor.

"Auntie Merlin!" The boy exclaimed cheerfully. Then he frowned as he looked at her face. "Are you alright Auntie Merlin?" Uther asked. Merlin nodded.

"Yes little one. I'm fine. Where are your parents?" Merlin asked. Uther blinked, looking confused.

"Mother and Father are in their chambers." Uther replied. Merlin nipped at her lower lip nervously.

"Tell them that I can't meet with them today. I'm about to have a baby." Merlin said. Uther shook his head in confusion, his shaggy blonde hair, that was very like his fathers, shook out of his face.

"Alright Auntie Merlin. I'll tell them." Uther replied. He went back towards Arthur's chambers and Merlin started walking towards Gaius' chambers. She had just made it to the stairs, when a terrible pain gripped her. She knew it was a contraction, and didn't worry too much but she knew she needed to see Gaius and quickly. When the pain had passed she heard footsteps running down the corridor. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked at Arthur. Gwen was just a little behind him.

"Merlin what were you thinking? You shouldn't be running around right now." Arthur said. Merlin wanted to laugh. The expression on Arthur's face made him look like a parent scolding a child.

"I'm alright Arthur. I'm just going to Gaius." Merlin replied. Arthur and Gwen looked at each other.

"Arthur, please take Merlin to the room next to our chambers and I'll go and get Gaius." Gwen said. Merlin stared at the pair.

"What? I have chambers and I don't need to be escorted anywhere. It's not like I've never given birth before. I have three children already." Merlin said stubbornly. Then another pain gripped her, and Merlin couldn't move. She was taking deep breaths as she waited for the pain to pass. Arthur and Gwen frowned with worry. That was when Elyan came upon them.

"What's wrong with Auntie Merlin?" Elyan asked.

"Nothing is wrong with me Elyan. I am perfectly alright." Merlin replied.

"Elyan, go and get Gaius and tell him that Merlin is having her baby. Be as quick as you can and bring him back here my sweetheart." Gwen told her son. Elyan nodded and ran off before anyone could say anything else. Merlin gritted her teeth.

"Merlin, no more stubbornness." Arthur said firmly. Then he carefully placed an arm under her knees and picked her up, before she could protest and Gwen followed them to the room next door to Arthur and Gwen's chambers. Gwen moved back the covers on the bed, and Arthur put Merlin down gently. Merlin was taking deep breaths, her face contorted with pain. She glared at her two friends.

"You two are treating me like some fragile noblewoman. I gave birth to Freya in the forests of Ismere you know. It was bloody freezing, but I am still alive. I could have made it to Gaius' chambers." Merlin stated through gritted teeth.

"Do you have to argue about everything Merlin?" Arthur questioned.

"Arthur Pendragon, you do not need to treat me like a baby!" Merlin exclaimed loudly.

"Oh? And what would Olwen say if you had tried to walk to Gaius' chambers, been gripped by a contraction and fallen down a flight of stairs?" Gwen asked.

"He wouldn't be surprised. He's used to me being clumsy." Merlin grumbled irritably. Gwen and Arthur both shook their heads.

"Merlin? Let us help you. We've never been able to do much for you, but this is something we can do. We can make sure that you're safe and comfortable while you're giving birth. You saved the lives of all of my children. Allow me to at least help you now." Gwen said. Merlin gave Gwen a smile. Gwen looked worriedly at the door. "I'm going to go and see what's taking so long. Maybe I can help Gaius bring some things back." Gwen stated before leaving the room. Arthur looked down at Merlin, who looked uncomfortable and in pain.

"Merlin?" Merlin looked up at him. "We really are just trying to help." Arthur said, trying to be soothing. Merlin laughed a little breathlessly.

"I'm not weak Arthur. I'm not some delicate little flower that needs to be treated like spun glass." Merlin stated firmly.

"I know that. I know that better than anyone Merlin. I know I used to tease you about being a coward all the time. I never meant any of it. I always thought you were the bravest man I ever met. When I found out you were a woman... well that just made you seem braver in my eyes. You're also the strongest person I've ever know. I don't know if I could have done what you've done and still be alive to tell the tale." Arthur replied. Merlin seemed to calm at Arthur's words. "How did you hide being pregnant with Mordred all that time? I don't even know when he was born." Arthur asked, as he tried to distract Merlin from any pain she was feeling. Merlin smiled fondly.

"By all rights, I should have given birth on the way to the Cauldron of Arianrhod. The... the fall bought on my labour early." Merlin replied. Arthur's eyes went wide.

"You were pregnant? Then? That fall could have killed you and Mordred!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Well I couldn't very well tell you I was pregnant, now could I? It would have been a very strange conversation don't you think?" Merlin shot back. Arthur rolled his eyes.

"Only you, Merlin, could go on a quest to save someone whilst pregnant." Arthur commented. Merlin laughed.

"I was in labour when I performed the ritual. I was in pain for days, but I told... I told Older Mordred to use a spell on me to stop my labour. It had worn off by the time we returned to Camelot. Mordred... I fell off the horse and he... caught me. We... it took a while to get to the stable. As soon as Mordred started stabling the horses it started to rain." Merlin recounted. Arthur stared.

"That night? That's why you asked for the day off?" Arthur asked. Merlin nodded. "I remember it. That was a terrible storm. I was worried that you would get soaked in the rain. It was the first time that Gwen and I discussed children." Arthur told Merlin. Merlin grinned. Then she grimaced.

"The contractions are getting closer together. This baby is going to want to come out soon. I hope Gaius gets here before then or you'll be delivering the baby." Merlin stated. Arthur looked absolutely horrified.

"Merlin, I mean this with the greatest respect, there is no way in hell that I'm going to... deliver your baby. I'd never be able to look at you in the same way again." Arthur replied. Merlin tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help it.

"You've gotten over worse." Merlin replied through laughter.

"I wasn't even there when Gwen gave birth!" Arthur exclaimed. Merlin smirked.

"Arthur, the great King of Camelot, leader of armies and winner of battles, is afraid of seeing a baby born?" Merlin quipped. Arthur shook his head.  
"It's not fear... it's manly nature. Men are not meant to witness childbirth." Arthur replied. "So how did Mordred get you back to Gaius' chambers to give birth to him?" Arthur asked, changing the subject. Merlin smiled sadly then.

"Well, it was actually really frightening. I... I was bleeding you see. I'd been sat on this barrel and as soon as I stood up I could feel blood running down my leg. I was so scared I was going to lose him..." Merlin trailed off. Arthur thought back to the day after the storm. A stable hand had come to him and reported finding blood in the stables. Nothing had come of the enquiries, but it was strange for Arthur to realise that it had been Merlin's blood all along. "Mordred used magic to get me back to Gaius' chambers, I didn't have the energy after helping Gwen at the Cauldron of Arianrhod. I... I even had to remove the illusionary spell that I used to hide my gender. So Mordred used his magic to get me to Gaius' chambers, then he used it to go and find Alice. You... you might remember her. She was accused of trying to kill your father, but she had been possessed by a manticore at the time. She was... an older woman. She and Gaius had been betrothed." Merlin told Arthur. Arthur recalled Mordred saying Merlin wanted to name this child Alice if it were a girl. "Alice helped Gaius so that I could give birth to Mordred. If it weren't for her I might not be here today." Merlin said sadly. Arthur nodded his understanding.

"Mordred told me that she had died, that you wanted to name your child Alice if it's a girl." Arthur said. Merlin nodded.

"I think it's fitting." Merlin replied. Then she took hold of Arthur's hand and squeezed, gritting her teeth.

"Ow! Merlin that hurt!" Arthur yelped, in a... very manly way, once Merlin let go of his hand.

"It would do. Olwen said I nearly broke his hand when I gave birth to Freya and Balinor." Merlin replied. Arthur looked confused. "Olwen was there for the birth of his children. He refused to leave. It's a common practise for men to see the birth of their children in Druid camps." Merlin added. That was when Gaius appeared with Gwen behind him.

"You'll be fine Merlin." Arthur said. Merlin nodded. As Arthur went to the door, Merlin called him back. Arthur looked at her, her face was pained, and her fringe plastered to her forehead with sweat.

"Arthur, can you... can you watch over Olwen for me? I can't do it myself obviously." Merlin asked. Arthur nodded.

"I'll go and watch over him Merlin. I promise you." Arthur vowed. Then he left the room and made his way to Gaius' chambers to watch over Merlin's husband, while Merlin was to give birth to her fourth child.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, so that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it. I'll be updating tomorrow obviously, so please R&R and let me know what you think.


	15. Chapter 15

Okay all, here's the next chapter. I hope you will all enjoy it. No there will not be a hugely long birth scene. It would be amusing, but I thought I'd write a little bit between Arthur and Mordred. I didn't really have much time to write this chapter, because my Grandma was taken sick. So I spent most of today at the hospital. So this chapter isn't very long and it's late, but unforeseen circumstances do happen, so I can only apologise for the lateness. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it. Anywho, let's get on with this chapter and I hope you all like it.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History is What You Make It.

Chapter 15.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_But suffice it to say  
We're leaving things unsaid  
We sing ourselves to sleep  
Watching the day lie down instead_

And we are leaving some things unsaid  
And we are breathing deeper instead

We're both pretty sure  
Neither one can tell  
We seem difficult  
What we got is hard as hell" Unsaid – The Fray

Arthur watched over Olwen as Merlin had asked him to. She had never asked him for anything. This was small compared to all she had done for him, so he had been determined to do this for her. He had been sat with Olwen for over an hour when the door to Gaius' chambers opened. Arthur looked up to see Mordred. The boy was strong, he'd started training with the Knights, insisting that while he was young, no fight was fair in the real world so he wanted to be prepared through practise. In that way, Arthur was reminded greatly of himself. Mordred was practical when it came to battle. However, Mordred was also a realist. He could analyse any situation and figure it out within moments. His shaggy brown hair, the mix that came of Merlin's jet black and Arthur's golden blonde, flopped over Mordred's head. Mordred wasn't wearing his shirt, but carrying it in his hand. It was then that Arthur saw the druidic triskel tattoo on his chest, far to the right. He also had the same tattoo that Merlin carried on her shoulder on his own. A wolf's head tattoo was placed over Mordred's heart, and on his stomach, just as with Merlin, he had another druidic tattoo. Mordred looked at Arthur carefully before he walked over to the wash basin and splashed himself with the water before sitting down in a chair on the opposite side of Olwen's bed, across from Arthur. That was when Arthur noticed a long scar that went across his right collarbone, just above the Triskel Tattoo.

"Where did you get that scar Mordred?" Arthur asked. Mordred raised a brow then frowned, pulling on his shirt.

"I got it when I was climbing up a rock face with some of the Druid boys I was training with. I didn't get a good foothold, my foot slipped and so did I. Mother was so worried when one of the other boys carried me back to camp. I don't remember it really I managed to knock myself out. When I woke up, my Mother was stitching the wound. I asked her why she didn't just use magic. She said that having the scar and it healing on it's own would teach me a lesson about being careful of my surroundings. Then she said I was just like my father and sent me off after stitching me up." Mordred replied. Arthur almost laughed. The idea that Merlin would compare Mordred's childish recklessness to him was amusing, but Arthur also knew she was right in a way.

"So what do all the tattoos stand for?" Arthur asked. Mordred grinned.

"The one on my stomach represents the training I did with the Druid elders, like my Mother. The one on my shoulder represents the training I did with the prophets of Neahtid. They are the ones that read the future shown in the Crystal Cave." Mordred told Arthur.  
"The Crystal Cave?" Arthur asked. Mordred shrugged.

"You won't have ever gone there. It's in the Valley of The Fallen Kings. But only those of a certain magical ability can go into the Crystal Cave without losing their sanity. Mother and I are two of the very few. My mother was trained by a seer called Taliesin, before he died. I was too young to try and learn about the mysteries of Neahtid then. I was finally allowed to go last year. Olwen took me. He has the same tattoo. You'd see it on his shoulder if he wasn't wearing a shirt." Mordred explained. Arthur blinked.

"Olwen took you?" Arthur asked, feeling another spike of jealousy. Mordred nodded.

"Yes. Those of the descent of Dragonlords like Mother and Olwen, have strong enough magical abilities to withstand the dangers of the Crystal Cave. Mother couldn't take me. It's forbidden for a parent to take their child to the Crystal Cave. It has to be someone else." Mordred said. He looked at Olwen then back at Arthur. "The wolf's head is apparently representative of my spirit journey into the realm of Annwn. He's one of the Gods of the Dead. They say he's the one who comes for a soul once it's time for them to cross. But all boys initiated as Druids go into the caves of Annwn when they reach age thirteen. It's a rite of passage. When we get there we're led blindfolded into the caves and only the keepers ever see where we're going. The keepers are not allowed to leave, it keeps the secrets of the caves of Annwn, secret. But apparently the wolf represents my strength and loyalty to my pack. Spiritually, that is. Girls don't go into the cave of Annwn, which is why my mother doesn't have one. Olwen does. His is an owl. When Balinor is thirteen he'll be doing the same thing. The Triskel is an initiation as a member of the Druids, a representation of the Triple Goddess. Besides, my older self had the same tattoo in the same place. I thought it was only fitting that I get one myself." Mordred finished. Arthur felt a sadness well up within him. Mordred had done so much, seen so much, and Arthur had not been there for him. Mordred took another look at Olwen. "I hope he lives. He made Mother happy when I thought she never would be again. He showed me kindness even when he didn't really need to." Mordred said.

"So he's like a father to you then?" Arthur asked, feeling the need to ask. Mordred smirked.

"Considering you're my father, that's a double edged sword to stick in your own gut isn't it?" Mordred shot back. Arthur's shock was great.

"What?" Arthur managed to stutter out after a few moments. Mordred laughed.  
"You didn't think I knew did you? I suppose it's only fair. Mother doesn't think I know either. I always knew though. Maybe it's the connection that I share to my older self, but I always knew. Why do you think I always called Elyan my brother?" Mordred asked. Arthur blinked in confusion.

"I... I don't understand. Why keep this to yourself? Surely you have questions you want to ask?" Arthur asked. Mordred shook his head.

"No. Since Morgana's death, plenty of gossip spread about my parentage. I learned enough to know that neither you nor my mother had any plans to betray anyone. I didn't know for sure. Some people say that you were both under a spell. Some say my Mother put you under a spell, looking to have King Arthur's heir at hand. Some say you were having an affair with my mother long before you married Auntie Gwen. Some say you raped my mother in a fit of jealous rage. I was so confused as a child. I never knew what to believe. So I asked Kilgarrah last year, after my initiation at the caves of Annwn. He told me the truth of the matter." Mordred replied.

"You will never know how sorry I was once I knew what had happened Mordred. It's not something I feel we should discuss now. You're still so young." Arthur said gently. Mordred nodded.

"It's okay. I call you Uncle Arthur because that is what I've always called you. Besides, I don't know it Elyan, Ygraine and the twins know of my relation to them. I don't want to hurt anyone. That's why I didn't ask my mother, and spoke to Kilgarrah instead." Mordred said.

"Who is Kilgarrah?" Arthur asked. Mordred laughed.

"Kilgarrah is the dragon that used to live under the castle. Did you not think he had a name, father?" Mordred asked. Arthur felt a strange tingle of pride in that single moment. This was the first time Mordred had ever acknowledged Arthur as his father, and it felt strangely good to hear it. The pair sat and spoke of everything. Arthur wanted to know all about Mordred's life since he had left Camelot with Merlin, and Mordred was happy to oblige. It was several hours later that Gaius came back to his chambers. He looked exhausted and saddened.

Grandpa, what's wrong?" Mordred asked.

"Oh, Mordred, I didn't realise you were going to be here." Gaius said.

"Mother isn't well is she?" Mordred questioned. Gaius sighed.

"You are wise for your age Mordred. She... it was a very difficult labour. I had to remove her womb. She... she nearly died. But she will be fine. You have a new sister." Gaius said gently. Arthur had paled at the idea of Merlin nearly dying.

"Is she truly alright?" Arthur asked. Gaius looked at Arthur and nodded.

"She will be. When she wakes tomorrow, she'll use her magic to heal herself. Now she needs to regain her strength." Gaius replied. Mordred smiled.

"So, Alice is alright? She has red hair, doesn't she?" Mordred questioned.

"You dreamed this, didn't you Mordred?" Gaius asked. Mordred nodded.

"Yes. Mother won't be angry Grandpa. She might not be able to have any more children, but she has four healthy children. That's all she cares about. Don't worry Grandpa. Mother will be fine." Mordred said. Arthur was amazed. Sometimes, he could forget that Mordred was still just a fourteen year old boy. He spoke with a wisdom far beyond his years. Then again, Merlin had always done the same, so Arthur really shouldn't have expected anything different from her son. But Arthur always worried about how everything Mordred had experienced would affect him. It hadn't been until this very moment, that Arthur realised that this boy, would grow to be the man his older self had been. He would be strong, wise and good, and Arthur was almost excited to see the day when Elyan and Mordred stood side by side and fought together as he and Merlin had done. One day, Arthur would see his sons rise high, and Camelot would be greater than it had ever been before, and Arthur would make sure to support them all the way through it. He smiled at the grin on his son's face as Mordred explained some things to Gaius, and he wondered if Merlin would allow Mordred to be initiated into the Knights yet.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay all, I'm ending the chapter there. I know it's short, but I didn't have much time to write today as I stated in the Author's note at the start of this chapter. (nods) So please R&R and let me know what you think and I'll be updating again sometime tomorrow, or today, or whatever you want to call it.


	16. Chapter 16

Okay all, here's chapter sixteen. I hope you all like it, as always. I'm sorry you've all been waiting so long for this chapter. I was visiting my grandmother at the hospital back and forth because she got a chest infection and they've made her stay in for ages to get rid of it. By the time I got back from the hospital every evening, I was just too tired to think, and I wanted to put this chapter up and it to actually be a half decent chapter. I could have wrote some little note like chapters and stuck them up but I really just want in the right frame of mind to do my story justice, so I'm now, hopefully, posting something worth reading. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and to all those who added me to their faves and alerts lists. I really appreciate it.

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History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 16.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_"Rescue me_  
_Show me who I am_  
_'Cause I can't believe_  
_This is how the story ends_

_Fight for me_  
_If it's not too late_  
_Help me breathe again_  
_No, this can't be how the story ends." Rescue Me – Kerrie Roberts._

The next day, Arthur went to see Merlin. She was sat up in the bed, cradling her daughter. Arthur couldn't help feeling a tug at his heart. Merlin was always like a brother, her being a girl just made her like a sister and he felt a sense of uncle like pride when he saw the tiny baby sleeping in Merlin's arms. He knocked on the door before coming into the room fully. Merlin looked up at him and grinned widely.

"Arthur! Come!" Merlin exclaimed excitedly, as she beckoned him forward with one hand. Arthur came over and stood beside the bed. "Sit down you prat." Merlin stated. Arthur sat down and Merlin held the tiny baby girl out. Arthur gently took hold of the tiny baby. She had flame red hair that she had obviously inherited from her father. But when her eyes opened a fraction, Arthur could make out the deep blue of Merlin's eyes.

"She's beautiful Merlin." Arthur said softly.

"Thank you. She'll be the last child I give birth to." Merlin said, a hint of sadness in her voice. Arthur nodded.

"I know, Gaius told me. Talking about knowing, Mordred knows I'm his father." Arthur said. Merlin choked on air and gave Arthur a look of shock.

"I didn't tell him. He's never asked." Merlin replied. Arthur shrugged.

"He says that he's always known. He thinks it's a connection to his older self. He asked Kilgarrah last year after a trip to a cave? Apparently this old dragon told him everything." Arthur stated. Merlin frowned.

"I wanted him to know from me." Merlin said softly.

"Mordred says that he's never asked either of us because he felt it was a painful subject to talk about." Arthur said. Then he looked at Merlin seriously. "He also told me all about his tattoos." Arthur added. Merlin smirked.

"He's my son. What did you expect? He was initiated as a Druid quite early. But for Druids, it was a late initiation. Most are initiated at birth." Merlin replied. Arthur shook his head, an amused smile on his face.

"Well then you won't mind him being initiated as a trainee Knight." Arthur stated. Merlin frowned.

"He's fourteen years old Arthur. I don't want my son being whacked about the head so early in life. He might end up as thick headed as you." Merlin quipped.

"You wanted to call me stupid just then didn't you." Arthur shot back. Merlin rolled her eyes.

"He's a boy, Arthur. I don't mind him training with the Knights. But initiation means him going out on patrols and fighting with real swords. I don't want him having to kill a man before he even becomes one himself." Merlin said. Arthur nodded his understanding.

"Merlin I know what you're saying. But he's strong. According to Percival, Mordred can hold his own against most of the knights during training." Arthur said. Merlin nodded.

"I know that Arthur. I just... I think he should wait another couple of years before he becomes a Knight. Sometimes, I think he pretends to be stronger than he is, so that I won't worry about him. But it never stops me worrying." Merlin said softly. Arthur nodded.

"I do want him to carry on training though Merlin. Apparently he's very good. I'd like to see him in action for myself." Arthur said. Merlin smiled.

"Of course. He should definitely train. I'm not against that. I just... I want him to be a little older before he starts fighting to defend Camelot." Merlin replied. Arthur agreed, knowing that at least he would get to train Mordred in weaponry.

xXxXxXx THREE DAYS LATER xXxXxXx

When Gwaine and Leon returned to Camelot, they were surprised to see a teenage boy training with the Knights. They saw Percival ruffle the boys shaggy brown hair and playfully shove him off to sit down. It was when the boy, who had various tattoos marking his body, looked at them and grinned, that Gwaine realised who he was.

"Leon that's Mordred." Gwaine said softly. Leon looked at the boy carefully.

"It can't be Mordred. That would mean that Merlin has returned." Leon said. Gwaine and Leon walked towards the Knights. The boy stood up and walked over to stand next to Percival as Gwaine and Leon finally reached them.

"Uncle Gwaine, Uncle Leon, how are you both." The boy said. It was in that moment that Leon could see it. The boy was tall, almost as tall as Arthur, but he also had a more slender frame. His wild brown hair flopped into his eyes, but those eyes, Merlin's eyes, were what gave it away completely.

"Mordred? What are you doing here? Does your mother know you're here?" Leon asked. Mordred laughed.

"Do you really think I would be here if she didn't?" Mordred shot back. Gwaine felt shell shocked. He knew that if not for his own hasty action, the older Mordred might still be alive. Merlin may never have left Camelot.

"What about your mother?" Gwaine asked.

"She's in the castle." Mordred replied. Before he could say anything else, Gwaine was gone. He needed to speak to his old friend. If she still considered him as such.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin had finished feeding Alice, and the baby was drifting off to sleep when her door burst open. The noise startled Alice, who started to wail. Merlin raised a brow and looked up to see Gwaine.

"Gwaine? You could have been a little quieter with your dramatic entrance." Merlin stated as she rocked Alice gently. The baby seemed to calm quickly, soon drifting back into sleep. Gwaine stared at Merlin as though she had two heads.

"You've had a baby?" Gwaine asked.

"I'm now a mother to four children. Do take a seat, you look like you're going to... lose consciousness?" Merlin said. Gwaine snorted, trying not to laugh at Merlin's implication that he might be about to faint. He sat in the chair next to her bed.

"I assume there's a father to go with all these children." Gwaine stated. Merlin was the one to snort then.

"You and Arthur are very alike. The questions are all about my children. I would think you had other things to say to me after not seeing me for eight years." Merlin shot back.

"Of course I do. I just... well I didn't expect to see you with a baby." Gwaine replied. Merlin laughed.

"You and everyone else. But if you must know, I did marry. He's a good man." Merlin stopped suddenly, and looked sadly down at Alice. "He... he was hurt trying to protect Mordred and the other children from bounty hunters in Escetia. I came here because I knew if anyone could save him, Gaius could." Merlin said. Gwaine nodded.

"Does he have a name?" Gwaine asked.

"His name is Olwen." Merlin replied. Gwaine looked at Merlin carefully.

"I'm sorry Merlin. I... if it wasn't for me... you and older Mordred would have been here, safe. Morgana might never have attacked and he might still be alive. I... I allowed my past to affect my judgement and it was you who suffered for it." Gwaine said.

"It's alright Gwaine. I... I've never blamed you for what happened to Mordred. I was angry that you felt the need to have me executed. More than that, I was angry that you had no faith in me. I... you never told me about your father." Merlin said softly.

"I know. I... I told you he died. He was sent into a battle he couldn't win, Merlin. It was a battle against a group of sorcerers. He and all his men were killed because they had no way of defending themselves against magical attacks. I never really got over it. But you were right. I should have known you well enough. I should have had faith in you. Even Leon was willing to listen after being brought up here in Camelot where Magic was illegal. But I didn't let you explain. I should have done. I should have trusted you. I'll never forgive myself for all of this. No matter what happens Merlin, I know you don't blame me, but I blame myself." Gwaine said. Merlin nodded and gave Gwaine a sad smile.

"Well, maybe it's time you saw what good magic can do for yourself. Would you like to hold her?" Merlin offered, holding Alice out towards Gwaine. Gwaine looked at the tiny baby with wide eyes.

"I might break her." Gwaine uttered. Merlin smiled.

"Don't be a wimp Gwaine. Besides, you need to get used to all these children of mine. After all, how are you going to be Uncle Gwaine if you're scared of them?" Merlin quipped. Gwaine gently took hold of the small baby and cradled her in his arms. She opened her eyes wide and waved her small fists around for a moment before closing her eyes again and seemingly drifting off to sleep.

"She's perfect. I assume she gets that red hair from her father." Gwaine stated. Merlin nodded. "She's going to be a real heartbreaker when she grows up." Gwaine said gently. Merlin nodded again. It was nice to speak to Gwaine again.

xXxXxXx ONE WEEK LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin was still confined to bed rest, much to her irritation. Her magic couldn't heal her wounds fully. She still had to regain her strength, but Merlin was strong. At least that is what everyone kept saying. That and Merlin seemed to be getting better by the day. However, this meant that Arthur could often be found in Gaius' chambers, with Mordred, watching over Olwen. He was determined to prove to Merlin that she hadn't made the wrong choice to stay in Camelot. He wanted to prove to her that the help she gave to all of them was not unappreciated, and that he would do everything he could to help her in return. Today he was sat beside Olwen, while Gaius pottered about with his potions. It was when he saw the red headed man, seemingly stirring, that Arthur felt a little panicked.

"Gaius, I think he's waking up!" Arthur exclaimed. Gaius moved over to them, as quickly as his old bones would allow. Sure enough, Olwen was waking up. The man had green eyes, just as Arthur had thought, when he had seen Balinor's eyes were an emerald green.

"Merlin..." Olwen whispered, he was obviously disoriented and unsure of where he was.

"You are perfectly alright Olwen." Gaius told the man firmly. Olwen looked at him.

"Where? Where's Merlin? The children? Are they alright?" Olwen managed to get out, thought the effort of speaking seemed to exhaust him.

"They are all well. Merlin told me a great deal about you." Arthur spoke then. Though he wasn't sure what made him speak. Olwen looked at Arthur for a few moments before he allowed himself to relax.

"You're Arthur. Merlin told me a great deal about you too. You're pretty much exactly as she described you." Olwen said. That was when Mordred arrived. Olwen looked at the teen and grinned weakly. "Mordred. You've been training. How long have I been asleep? You seem to have grown extra muscles in since the last time I saw you." Olwen said. Mordred grinned.

"You've been unconscious for nearly six weeks. Mother had the baby by the way." Mordred stated. Olwen's eyes shot wide open. He tried to get up but Mordred was the one to help hold him down. "You haven't been moving for over a month Olwen. You shouldn't just throw yourself out of bed. Mother is fine and so is the baby. She's called Alice." Mordred said. Olwen gave the boy a grin.

"You did say she was going to be a girl." Olwen said. Mordred grinned back and Arthur felt a slight pang of jealousy overwhelm him again. But Arthur also felt a sense of happiness. Olwen waking up would make Merlin happy at least. Arthur didn't know Olwen yet and didn't know if he could trust him, but Merlin trusted him and for now, that had to be enough.

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Both Olwen and Merlin had managed to get out of bed and the reunion had been heartfelt and tearful. But once everything had calmed down, Olwen and Merlin formally moved into the new chambers in the sorcerer's tower of the castle. Mordred, Freya, Balinor and Alice all had their own rooms. The very top room of the tower, was where Merlin seemed to store a large stash of magic books. Her old magic book, that had been given to her by Gaius, had pride of place on its own pedestal. Today, however, Merlin was watching Arthur and the knights training, as she had done before everything. Mordred was with them, and Merlin had to grudgingly admit that Mordred had great skill with a sword. Once the training had finished, Mordred went inside to find his brothers and sisters, all of them, to spend some time with them. It hadn't been discussed what Prince Elyan, Princess Ygraine, Prince Uther and Princess Merlin would be told about Mordred. This was something that Merlin wanted to discuss with Arthur today. So, dressed in another blue robe, she waited for Arthur to notice her presence. The knights left and Arthur came to sit next to her on the log she had taken for a seat.

"What's wrong Merlin?" Arthur asked her. Merlin took a deep breath.

"I wanted to ask you what you intend to tell your children about Mordred? It's... I think it's time that we discussed it." Merlin replied. Arthur blinked.

"Well, we'll tell them the truth. Mordred is their brother. He is my son. It would be nice if he called me father instead of Uncle Arthur." Arthur stated. Merlin grinned.

"You can't blame him. How is he supposed to call you father when your other children don't know he's their brother?" Merlin shot back. Arthur laughed.

"Fair point Merlin. Gwen and I will talk to the children and try to explain everything to them. Mordred... Mordred isn't my heir, but one day, I'm hoping he will be a Knight. Mordred Pendragon, protector of the realms and his brothers and sisters. All of them." Arthur said.

"Don't you mean Mordred Emrys?" Merlin replied.

"Mordred Emrys Pendragon. How does that sound?" Arthur asked. Merlin smiled.

"Perfect." Merlin said. The pair sat in companionable silence then, just listening to the wind in the trees.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Olwen saw Arthur and Merlin talking from his spot, looking out of a window over the training yard. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at the Queen. Queen Guinevere, or Gwen as she had told him was her preference, gave him a stern look.

"Don't be jealous of their relationship Olwen." Gwen stated.

"It's a little hard not to be. He's Mordred's father, and they... they seem like two sides of the same coin." Olwen stated. It was true, Olwen did feel jealousy. Gwen shook her head.

"Arthur and Merlin are like siblings. Merlin most definitely loves you. She spoke of you to me and Arthur quite often. While you were unconscious, she hardly ever left your side except when the duties of the Court Sorceress called her, and when she gave birth to Alice. She asked Arthur to sit with you until she could come back to you. He agreed, which was why he was the first person you saw when you woke. Yes, Arthur and Merlin care for each other deeply, but it's not a romantic love. They are like family, a brother and sister. So there isn't a need to be jealous. Unless you want to be Merlin's brother of course?" Gwen said. Olwen laughed aloud.

"I definitely do not want to be my wife's brother. That would defy the laws of nature I believe." Olwen stated firmly. Gwen was the one to laugh then.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

It was later that night that Arthur and Gwen gathered their four children together. Explaining to them that Mordred was their brother was difficult, especially when they had to explain that he was Merlin's son, and Arthur's son, but not Gwen's son. Uther and little Merlin didn't truly understand it, but they were happy that Mordred was their brother. Ygraine had this vague notion that Arthur had cheated on Gwen and was not best pleased with her father, and Elyan... Elyan bit his lip and stayed silent until the others had left.

"Father? Mother?" Elyan asked. Gwen and Arthur both looked at Elyan. "I... I heard rumours... rumours that... I've heard how Mordred came to be my brother... people talk about it." Elyan said. Arthur took a deep breath.

"I was under a very dark magical enchantment Elyan. I'm not saying... it's hard to explain all of this to you Elyan because you are still young, but your Aunt Merlin forgave me a long time ago. When you're older maybe I'll be able to explain it to you better." Arthur told his eldest son. He didn't want to lie to Elyan. Elyan nodded.

"I heard about that too. I'm... I'm not blaming anyone. I'll try and explain to Ygraine so she's not so angry. It'll be hard though." Elyan said.

"So you're not unhappy that Mordred is your brother?" Gwen asked. Elyan shook his head.

"No. I think I always knew he was. He always felt like my brother. Will he call you father? Like we do?" Elyan asked. Arthur and Gwen looked at each other.

"If he wishes to he will. He didn't want to upset any of you while you didn't know he was your brother." Arthur answered. Elyan nodded.

"After I talk to Ygraine I'll go and talk to Mordred. He has a right to call you father the same as we do." Elyan said. Then he bid his parents goodnight and left the room.

"Elyan is strangely understanding for such a young boy." Gwen said softly.

"He's like his mother and his Uncle." Arthur replied. Gwen smiled as she thought of her brother. She had not thought on him too long for a while, but looking at her son, she was reminded of her brother every day, and for once, it didn't hurt so much to think on him.

xXxXxXx ONE YEAR LATER xXxXxXx

Arthur was out with the Knights, and Olwen and Merlin had gone with them, as well as Mordred, who was now a trainee Knight. Merlin couldn't deny him when she started to see how well he fought with a sword. Settling back in Camelot had not been so hard. Although Merlin complained of the endless meetings she had to attend as Court Sorceress. She often joked that it was easier being Arthur's manservant. Today however, everyone was taking a break. Arthur had decided it was time Mordred and Olwen went hunting, and Merlin was 'commanded' to come along as Court Sorceress. Merlin had rolled her eyes, but she had not argued. She could see that Arthur wanted to have a day of rest and she knew that if she went with them, the council couldn't insist on half the royal guard accompanying them, because Merlin and her magic were like a one man army. It was as Arthur was showing Mordred how to aim a crossbow at a dear that bandits attacked. The group were separated and Merlin realised that these bandits were led by an old ally of Morgana's, Alvarr. Merlin was angry when she saw that Olwen and Arthur had been separated from the rest of them. She started to look for them as she battled her way out of the mess of magic users that had surrounded her.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Arthur and Olwen were together as they looked at Alvarr.

"What is it you want exactly Alvarr?" Arthur asked angrily.

"Why to complete Lady Morgana's vision of course. That woman was a visionary. A magical ruler would be best for Camelot." Alvarr said.

"Oh and I suppose you have someone in mind?" Olwen commented drily.

"Of course." Alvarr replied.

"And let me guess, that someone is yourself." Olwen stated.

"Why not? Once Arthur Pendragon is dead, the throne is ripe for the taking." Alvarr shot back. It was as he said this that Alvarr shot a spell out at Arthur, and Olwen pushed him out of the way. Arthur was amazed when Olwen stood up and started duelling magically with Alvarr. Arthur stood up and saw the spells clashing back and forth, bouncing off of trees and leaving destructive marks all over the forest around them. Arthur was amazed when Olwen called out a spell in an arcane language and it hit Alvarr square in the chest, knocking the man out.

"Have you killed him?" Arthur asked.

"No. I thought you could take him back to Camelot and give him a trial. Although he's definitely guilty." Olwen said.

"Do you fight with a sword as well as you use your magic?" Arthur asked. Olwen blinked.

"Of course, I was taught that I should hone all my skills, so I learned how to use a sword as well as my magic." Olwen replied. Arthur grinned. "Why are you grinning like that Arthur?" Olwen asked incredulously.

xXxXxXx BACK IN CAMELOT xXxXxXx

"I dub thee, Sir Olwen, Knight of Camelot." Arthur said, as he touched his ceremonial sword on first one shoulder, then another, as Olwen knelt before him. Olwen stood up from his knelt position on the ground and it was Arthur who clasped a red cloak around Olwen's neck. The hall cheered, and Merlin's cheers were loudest of all, with Freya, Balinor and Mordred joining in. As far as Arthur was concerned, Olwen had earned the right to be a knight by saving his life and bringing Alvarr to justice. That and Arthur trusted the man. As Olwen turned to look at all the faces in the hall cheering, and his wife and children in the front of the hall, he couldn't help but feel a sense of pride. He wondered if he could really make a difference now. He hoped so.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay all, that's the end of this chapter. I hope you all liked it. So Olwen's a knight, Mordred is officially recognised as Arthur's son, and everyone seems to be happy for now. LOL! Please R&R and let me know what you think and I will be updating soon.


	17. Chapter 17

I just feel like asking if anyone went to watch "The Great Gatsby" starring Leonardo DiCaprio at the cinema. I did with my 'sister from another mister' BF and not only was it quite epic, the soundtrack was just banging! Like it was so awesome. Search it out on youtube. (nods) Feel free to comment.

Okay all, here is the next chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and to those who added me to their faves and alert lists. I really appreciate it. Replies to anonymous reviews below.

**Guest:** Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad that you think this story is amazing and I hope this chapter does not disappoint.

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History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 17.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

_Mama told me not to waste my life,_

_She said "Spread your wings my little butterfly,_

_Don't let what they say keep you up at night,_

_Coz they can't detain you, these wings were made to fly." Wings – Little Mix_

Olwen was an accepted member of the Knights of Camelot. Merlin found that her duties as the High Court Sorceress of Camelot, were numerous. It was on this particular day, a year after Olwen had become Sir Olwen, that Merlin took note of something was worrying her deeply. Alice was two now, toddling around the castle after Balinor and Freya, who both followed Uther and little Merlin. They followed Ygraine, who in turn followed Elyan, and then of course, there was Mordred.

Mordred, now being sixteen, was a full-fledged trainee of the Knights. His initiation was to happen soon. Merlin looked down into the courtyard from where she stood in her tower, a window gave her a perfect view. Mordred was determinedly battling against Percival, although the man was twice his strength and had far more experience. Then again, Mordred never gave up, Merlin often mused, with Gwen, that Mordred was far too much like Arthur. But really Mordred had her resilience. Merlin saw all the children, watching in the courtyard. Elyan was thirteen, and Ygraine was twelve, Uther and little Merlin were eleven. Ygraine held Alice who watched everything in wide eyed fascination. Freya was now six, she held on to Elyan's hand as she jumped up and down in excitement. Balinor was four, and held on to Uther and little Merlin's hands, as he stood between them, watching the Knights sparring.

Merlin had fought for the building of a proper orphanage to house the orphans of Camelot, after she saw young children running around on the streets. There were few of them. Arthur's reign of peace meant there were few orphans with no one to care for them, but Merlin still saw them. Just three months ago, the number of orphans in Camelot had risen from twelve to fifteen, after three children lost their father to an illness and then their mother to childbirth. Merlin was arguing for an orphanage to be created, where children could grow up safe and happy without the worry for food, warmth and clothing. The council seemed to love arguing with her at every point. Arthur, had however, agreed with her. Today, something else had her worried. Elyan had come to see her a week ago, speaking of dreams he'd had.

xXxXxXx FLASHBACK xXxXxXx

"Auntie Merlin, can I talk to you?" Merlin looked at Elyan, who was, for once, not surrounded by the other children. Merlin gave the boy a reassuring smile.

"Of course you can. Come and sit down." Merlin said gently. Elyan nodded and went to sit down on a chair near her desk. Merlin had been pouring over ancient scripts, trying to translate them, but it was harder to translate the words then she had thought it would be. She was grateful for the break Elyan's arrival had given her. "What's wrong Elyan?" Merlin asked. Elyan frowned as he looked at his feet.

"Do you remember Morgana? My father's sister Morgana?" Elyan asked. Merlin felt a knife of dread stab her in the gut as she took a deep breath.

"Of course I remember her. What is it you want to know?" Merlin asked. Elyan frowned and looked at the ground, seemingly unable to get out what he wanted to say.

"I... I heard she was a seer and that the visions drove her insane." Elyan said. Merlin blinked.

"It wasn't the visions that drove her to become what she was Elyan. She had a lust for power that she was unable to contain and a hatred that escalated out of her control. She was once a good woman, but at some point, she changed. Her visions were a small part of it. When she started having the visions, she probably had no idea what they were until she realised they were coming true. Then when she knew, she was frightened for her life. Your grandfather, King Uther, he... he hated magic. He despised it and he hunted anyone or anything that had a glimmer of magic. The fear for her life and watching others, magic users, die for their gifts, it pushed her over the edge. She started out being determined that magic should be allowed to come back to Camelot, and she thought the only way to do that was to kill Uther. But from there it escalated." Merlin explained.  
"She didn't know King Uther was her father at first did she?" Elyan asked.

"No she didn't. Once she did know, she started to despise Uther for his lies. Once she started hating him, she started to hate your father too. She couldn't seem to stop hating others. It ate her up inside." Merlin said.

"But if you had magic from birth, why didn't you just tell her about your magic, and make her feel like she wasn't alone? Maybe if she didn't feel alone things wouldn't have turned out how they did." Elyan said. Merlin nodded her understanding.

"You're right. Maybe if I had told Morgana about my own magic, it may have helped her. But like Morgana, I was afraid for my life. While I knew that I would not tell of Morgana's magic, which I learned of, not because she told me, but because of Kilgarrah, I couldn't be sure that she wouldn't turn me in, out of fear, and later on out of hatred. I felt that I had to keep my magic secret because it was my destiny to protect your father and make sure he became a great king. I like to think that I've done that and that I'm still protecting him. But you must always remember Elyan, that not everything is black and white. We've all done things we're not proud of." Merlin explained gently. Elyan took a deep breath.

"I had a dream last night." Elyan said. Merlin blinked.

"A dream?" Merlin asked.

"I dreamed that a battle came in the forest. The green banners of Escetia attacked the red banners of Camelot." Elyan told Merlin. Merlin looked at Elyan. He was deadly serious.

"Elyan, you think this will come true?" Merlin asked. Elyan nodded. "What makes you think that?" Merlin asked again. Elyan took a deep breath.

"I... before Uncle Olwen was knighted, I saw a fight in the forest. A fight between Uncle Olwen and Alvarr. I didn't know who Alvarr was until he was brought back to Camelot and executed. The battle they had wasn't fought with swords, it was fought with magic, and Father watched it. If that happened, then this can happen too. It's not the first time I've dreamed things that happened. Will I become like _her_ Auntie Merlin?" Elyan asked, almost fearfully. Merlin got up from her seat and knelt in front of Elyan.

"You're not like her Elyan. You have people you can trust, people you love and people who love you back. You don't need to be worried. I can help you to try and master this skill. There are others who are better suited then I am to it though." Merlin replied. Elyan looked at Merlin seriously.

"Like the Druids?" Elyan questioned.

"Something else you've seen?" Merlin questioned back. Elyan nodded.

"I'm going to go into a cave with other boys. I'll get a tattoo like Mordred's. Mine will be a dragon with three heads." Elyan replied. Merlin smiled at the boy.

"I will talk to your father and we'll see." Merlin said.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"No. No, no, no. Absolutely not." Arthur stated firmly.

"Arthur if he doesn't learn to control his abilities it can drive him insane. Don't be such a stubborn prat." Merlin replied.

"You want me to agree to send him off with the Druids for what could possibly be years. In which time none of us will know when we'll see him, or if we'll see him for at least a year. He'll go on some sort of vision quest and get a tattoo and he may still not have control over his seer abilities? Why can't you teach him?" Arthur asked petulantly. Merlin rolled her eyes.

"I may be powerful Arthur, but even my powers have limits. I wasn't born a seer. Elyan was born with the power. If he's taught to use it properly then he will be able to greet visions without fear. I'm still a novice in comparison to some. I have visions rarely, unlike seers, and my expertise over them only extends to the Crystal Cave. If Elyan learns from the Druids, he'll have far better teachers, who can train him far better than I could." Merlin replied, as though explaining to a small child why he couldn't have too much food. Arthur sighed.

"I think we have to let him go, Arthur." Arthur looked at Gwen.

"He's so young." Arthur said softly.

"He's young, but he's also our son, he's strong and good. Morgana was good once. If we don't want him to lose himself to the seers' powers then we have to give him the chance to train to use them properly." Gwen said. Arthur took a deep breath and looked at Merlin.

"I'll allow it on one condition." Arthur replied.

"What condition?" Merlin asked.

"Mordred told me that when he was younger he was taken to this Crystal Cave. Olwen took him, because Olwen is not his blood relative. If Elyan needs to go there, for whatever reason, there is no one I trust more than you, to accompany him. I know it means time spent away from Camelot, time spent away from your children, but I must ask it of you Merlin. You'll do whatever you have to, to keep him safe. I want Elyan to be safe." Arthur said. Merlin took a deep breath. She knew what it meant. She had to leave her family for a certain amount of time, if Elyan was initiated by the Prophets of Neahtid. Merlin nodded.

"Alright Arthur. If Elyan is initiated by the Prophets of Neahtid, I'll go to the Crystal Cave with him." Merlin said.

"I'll go with him to the Druid camps if you want." The trio turned around to look at Mordred. He was clad in chainmail. A blue cloak hung from his shoulders. The blue represented his mother, Merlin Emrys. Other initiates wore cloaks with the shields of their families on them, in all different colours. Orange, yellow, green, there had been every colour imaginable, even in Arthur's time training to be a Knight. Mordred chose to where his mother's colours. He's told Arthur firmly, that he had plenty of time to wear Camelot's colours when he became a Knight, and he didn't want different treatment because he was Arthur's son. Arthur understood, so Mordred wore a blue cloak.

"Mordred, you haven't been initiated as a Knight yet." Merlin said.

"I know. But I will be very soon. Father said in a couple of weeks. It'll take at least that amount of time to get a message to Iseldir and to get one back. Then they have to travel here to see Elyan. I'm the best one to go and protect him. I have magic to protect him, which most of the Knights don't have, and Elyan is my little brother. Who better to protect him then me?" Mordred asked. Merlin felt a twist in her gut, a clenching of her heart as she nodded her head in understanding. How she wished she could keep her son by her side forever. But just as Arthur was trusting her, by sending Elyan off with the Druids, Merlin had to trust Mordred to protect Elyan and himself. Mordred was sixteen now. He was very nearly considered a man. Merlin knew it was time to let him make his own decisions.

"I know Mordred. I just want you to be safe." Merlin said softly.

"I'm not my older self, Mother. We were connected, but we were different too." Mordred said gently, trying to reassure his mother that he was not going to meet the same fate as his older self. Merlin took a deep breath and nodded. She still had fears, but she knew she had to trust that Mordred would come back. How could she do that if she never let him go?

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Mordred had been initiated as a Knight. The celebration had been large, and Mordred had taken the clamouring of girls, calling for his attention, quite well. Merlin smiled as she watched Mordred take Ygraine's hand and dance with his younger sister. The golden haired daughter of Arthur smiled up at Mordred brightly as the other girls looked on jealously.

"He's definitely more like you." Merlin looked at Arthur, who had made his way over to her.

"He is my son. At least he didn't inherit your over large ego. He seems quite humble. Yes he's most definitely more like me." Merlin replied. Arthur let out a bark of laughter and Merlin laughed too.

"All those girls are so jealous of Ygraine dancing with him. It's funny considering they're brother and sister." Arthur replied happily.

"Of course they're jealous. They want to dance with him too. I'm still ever thankful that he's humble, or I'd be listening to my son tell me how handsome he is, and how much all the girls here wanted the pleasure of his company." Merlin replied. Arthur tried to disguise a snort.

"Well he might just brag to the Knights rather than you. You are his mother. No one wants to talk to their mother about these things." Arthur replied.

"Of course not Arthur." Merlin said. Arthur's face turned serious.

"Do you think Elyan will be alright?" Arthur asked.

"I know he will be. He will probably be going to the caves of Annwn in about six months with the other Druid boys. Mordred did when he was thirteen. I'm sure he told you." Merlin said kindly. Arthur nodded.

"It doesn't stop me worrying about him you know. I'm worried about Mordred too. He's only just become a Knight and his first mission is to protect the crowned prince, and he gave himself that mission." Arthur stated. Merlin nodded.

"I know. But we have to let him do what he feels he must. He'll never grow into the kind of man we all want him to be if we don't let him make his own choices." Merlin replied. Arthur nodded and placed a hand on Merlin's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You were always much stronger and wiser than me Merlin." Arthur said.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Mother says you and Elyan are going to stay with the Druids for a while." Ygraine said to Mordred. Mordred gave his younger sister a smile.

"Yes we are. But we'll be back. You don't need to worry." Mordred replied. Ygraine frowned slightly.

"I... I want to go with you." Ygraine said softly. Mordred almost didn't catch it.

"I didn't think you liked me enough to want to go to a Druid camp with me." Mordred said. Ygraine looked up at Mordred, her big brown eyes looked sadly into his blue ones.

"I was mad at you when you first came back. I... when father and mother told us that you were our brother, I was mad at you because I thought my father had been unfaithful to my mother. Elyan told me it wasn't like that at all but I didn't believe him at first. But... I started to hear rumours. I never hated you though, Mordred. Even before I knew you were my brother, I always thought you were like my brother anyway. We... we were always a family weren't we?" Ygraine asked. Mordred grinned at his younger sister.

"We still are a family Ygraine, if you want us to be. You're still my sister and so is little Merlin. Elyan and Uther are still my brothers. Just like Freya, Alice and Balinor are my sisters and brother. We are a family." Mordred said gently. Ygraine grinned back and Mordred was startled by how much her grin reminded him of their father's grin.

"Promise you both will come back." Ygraine said firmly.

"I promise we'll both come back Ygraine. Until then you're the eldest, so you have to keep the others in line." Mordred told Ygraine seriously. Ygraine nodded, her eyes sincere.

"I'll protect them while you're both gone. Do you think Father will let me learn to use a sword?" Ygraine asked.

"If he doesn't just ask my Mother. She'll teach you. Or ask your Mother. Auntie Gwen knows how to use a sword." Mordred replied. Ygraine giggled at the thought of her Mother and Aunt Merlin using swords.

"All the girls want to dance with you Mordred." Ygraine stated. Mordred smiled a half smile.

"Well they will have to wait. I have three sisters, a mother and an aunt to dance with first." Mordred replied, making Ygraine laugh loudly.

xXxXxXx ONE WEEK LATER xXxXxXx

Iseldir arrived in Camelot with an entourage of Druids. Elyan and Mordred left with them, and Arthur watched them leave from the battlements.

"They will both come back alive and well Arthur. You don't need to worry. Your sons are both too stubborn and strong not to return to us." Arthur looked at Gwen as she stood next to him. Arthur gave his wife a sad smile.

"I know. I still worry." Arthur replied.

"That's the job of all parents." Merlin stated. Arthur almost jumped at the sound of her voice. "Did you think I wouldn't be here to watch them leave Arthur?" Merlin added, a sad frown across her lips. Arthur shrugged as they watched the entourage of Druids leave, all hoping for the safe return of the two boys that travelled with them.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, that's the end of this chapter. I was going to add more about Elyan and Mordred's time with the Druids, but I think that'll come next chapter. I was a bit rushed to get this written so I could update so I hope I haven't made any glaring mistakes. Please R&R and let me know what you think and I will update as soon as I can. (nods)


	18. Chapter 18

Okay, here is the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed and added me to their faves and alerts lists. I am very appreciative. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

History Is What You Make It.

Chapter 18.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin took a deep breath as she looked at Arthur and Gwen.

"I wanted ask your permission to make a council of magic users." Merlin said to them. Arthur and Gwen looked at Merlin incredulously. "It would give us a chance to find out about all the magical groups that still exist here, and when there are problems within the magical community, the news will travel faster with a magical council." Merlin added.

"I think it's a good idea. Of course you'd have to be at the head of it Merlin." Arthur said. Gwen nodded.

"I think so too. Just think about how much easier it will be to deal with magical problems. With a whole group of magic users at hand, there will be bound to be someone who knows how to deal with things, and it will save Merlin time looking through every text Gaius owns when there are problems." Gwen said. Merlin smiled.

"So I have your permission then?" Merlin asked.

"Of course." Arthur replied. Merlin grinned and went to her tower room to write up the decree, so she could send it out.

xXxXxXx ONE MONTH LATER xXxXxXx

Elyan was amazed by what he saw of the Druid camps. Every time they stopped he saw something new. Now he saw the boys of his age, practising magic and making strange shows together. One was making smoke birds, one made little stars of light, another used water, to create fish that swam around each other in mid air, while another used wind to blow leaves around everything. Mordred grinned and looked at Elyan.

"I'll show you a trick Elyan." Mordred uttered to him. Elyan watched as Mordred said a few magical words, and sparks of fire flew from Mordred's fingertips, forming dragons in the air above the other elemental shapes. The dragons flew around everything else, never touching the other shapes, but yet still a part of the show. The other teenage boys all looked as awed as Elyan felt. When Mordred wiggled his fingers, some of the dragons spewed fire, some of them snorted smoke, and some spun in loops. Elyan was amazed as he saw smaller children jumping up and down, cheering and laughing.

"I would expect no less from the son of the great Emrys." Elyan and Mordred turned around to see a man who was familiar to Mordred.

"Alator! How are you?" Mordred asked.

"As well as I can be. I thought I would travel to Camelot. You mother is trying to assemble a council of magic users from different groups. There are few of the Catha left in existence." Alator replied. Mordred smiled widely.

"I'm glad. My mother can trust you. Not that I'm saying she can't trust any other Catha, but we know you. She still wears the earrings she got from your teachings." Mordred said seriously. Alator half bowed.

"I'm honoured. Who is this young one?" Alator asked, gesturing to Elyan.

"This is my younger brother, Prince Elyan Thomas Pendragon, my father's heir. He has the sight so we're here so he can learn to control it." Mordred replied, introducing his younger brother. Elyan was awed when the man bowed to him.

"It is an honour to meet the child of the Once and Future King and Queen." Alator said kindly. Mordred smiled.

"Elyan, this is Alator of the Catha. He taught my mother the ways of the Catha and swore fealty to her cause, to protect Camelot and our father." Mordred told Elyan. Elyan half bowed in respect to the older man.

"It's an honour to meet you too sir. Auntie Merlin spoke of you to me." Elyan replied honestly. He had been told about Alator, by Merlin, when she explained that many people feared what they did not understand. Alator smiled and nodded. Then he went to speak to Iseldir, leaving Elyan and Mordred alone.

"Come on Elyan. Let's see where we'll be sleeping while we're here. We're near the caves of Annwn now. The Druids are preparing for the ancient ceremony. You'll be taking part if you're ready." Mordred said.

"Can you teach me that trick Mordred? The dragons you made out of fire?" Elyan asked.

"Of course I can. You have to learn to control your powers first though Elyan. I can't just teach you tricks until you learn to control your magic. You can't learn to walk before you learn to crawl, right?" Mordred said. Elyan nodded his understanding. He wanted to learn all the tricks that Mordred knew, but he knew he would have to learn to control his magic before he could learn to use it the way he wanted to.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Merlin was working on translating some old texts again when a knock came at her open door. She looked up to see Elena standing there. Princess Elena had married Gwaine thirteen years ago. As yet there had been no children, and Merlin had a feeling that was what Elena wanted to speak to her about.

"Are you busy Merlin?" Elena asked.

"No, of course not." Merlin replied. She ushered Elena to sit down. Elena sat in a chair and she looked nervous. "What's wrong Elena?" Merlin asked gently. Elena took a deep breath.

"Gwaine and I have been married for... for some time... but we have no children." Elena said softly. Merlin could see Elena was having trouble discussing this.

"You realise that I deal with magic. Gaius is Camelot's physician." Merlin said gently. Elena nodded.

"I... I have been to see Gaius. He says that he cannot understand why I have no conceived a child." Elena said softly. She looked so young and vulnerable, that Merlin felt a need to help her. She nodded her understanding and grabbed a magical text on Sidhe possession. Elena had no idea that she had been possessed by a Sidhe, but Merlin did. The problem might be something that had already been recorded. She took a look through it and she saw the problem almost immediately. It wasn't something that Merlin had considered when she had helped to remove the changeling from Elena, because it wasn't something she knew about. However, Merlin wasn't surprised. The magic had done something strange to Elena. Merlin knew that a simple spell and a potion, would reverse the effects, and she felt a gladness come over her. She saw the potion that she needed to make would take a week to brew. She looked at Elena.

"I have a solution, Elena. Come back to me in a week and I'll have the potion ready to take. It will solve the issue." Merlin said. Elena's smile was bright.

"Thank you Merlin. Gwaine said I could talk to you about anything and he was right." Elena said happily. When she was gone, Merlin smiled to herself as she started to prepare the ingredients she needed for the potion. She decided that she would talk to Gaius and tell him what had happened. In the future he might be able to call on her to help with possible magical ailments. It would save some trouble in the long run. It wasn't long until another knock interrupted Merlin's work, and she saw Ygraine standing there. She was wide eyed and looked frightened.

"Ygraine, what's wrong?" Merlin asked her. Ygraine started to cry as she ran to hug Merlin tightly.

"Auntie Merlin, there's something wrong with me!" Ygraine cried out, as tears streamed down her face. Merlin looked at the frightened girl.

"What's wrong Ygraine? What's happened?" Merlin asked. Ygraine looked frightened as she looked around the room. She took a deep breath.

"I... was sitting in my chambers today reading, but..." Ygraine trailed off. Merlin wondered what was so wrong that Ygraine would come to her, rather than her mother. "I got angry today. I was angry at Merlin for taking my red ribbon and I yelled at her, but... the vase next to my window smashed. It shattered into little pieces." Ygraine told Merlin fearfully. Merlin blinked.

"Ygraine, has this happened before?" Merlin asked her. Ygraine nodded.

"It's not the first time. The first time... the first time was just after father and mother told us that Mordred was our brother. I thought... I thought father had betrayed mother..." Ygraine trailed off. Merlin didn't say anything. "I know differently now. Elyan told me and... I heard stories... but at the time, I was angry with father, and... my mirror broke. It just... smashed. Does this mean I have magic, like Elyan?" Ygraine asked. Merlin took a deep breath.

"It might, Ygraine. It's possible. You and I will discuss it more, but first, we need to talk to your parents." Merlin said gently. Ygraine started shaking her head, and she looked frightened. "Ygraine, no one will be angry at you, I promise." Merlin said gently.

"But isn't that what Morgana used to do? Didn't she break things with magic?" Ygraine asked. Merlin took a deep breath.

"Yes. She did, when she had no control over it. But you can learn control sweetheart." Merlin said gently. Ygraine hugged Merlin tightly and buried her face into Merlin's shoulder.

"Thank you Auntie Merlin." Ygraine whispered. Merlin stroked her thick blonde hair gently and felt a strange sensation come over her. First Elyan, now Ygraine, had both showed signs of magic. Merlin wondered if it was something to do with how she saved their lives at birth with her powers, and she wondered at the same moment if Uther and little Merlin would show the same affinity towards magic. She decided she would need to talk to Kilgarrah later, so that she knew where she stood with the royal children.

xXxXxXx LATER THAT NIGHT xXxXxXx

Merlin made her way to the old clearing. She found Kilgarrah waiting for her. But she had called him from her tower window before she left. She looked at him and he looked back at her.

"Elyan and Ygraine show signs of carrying magic." Merlin said.

"When it is time, the twins will show the same affinity." Kilgarrah replied.

"Is it because of what I did when they were born? Why I felt I lost a piece of myself when I saved them?" Merlin asked. Kilgarrah nodded.

"Morgana used dark magic to curse the Once and Future Queen, and for you to thwart that dark magic, it took a part of your magic, your very essence, to give the children life. None of the four children cried or breathed at birth. You changed their fate. But by doing so, you gave them a part of your great gift. It is your duty now to make sure they know how to use it, just as you have taught your own children." Kilgarrah told Merlin. Merlin nodded her understanding.

"I don't know what do Kilgarrah." Merlin said softly.

"Your best dear girl, just as you have always done, you must try your best. They will not become Morgana, unless they fear their powers. You can make sure that that doesn't happen." Kilgarrah said. Merlin nodded her understanding again.

"Thank you Kilgarrah. I needed to know, to hear that. I'll do everything I can." Merlin said. Kilgarrah bowed to Merlin, and was gone. Merlin walked back to the castle, never realising that Arthur and Gwen had followed her. They had been taking a walk when they saw Merlin leaving the castle, and the King and Queen had wanted to know what was wrong. Now they knew everything.

"She... she gave up parts of herself to save our children." Gwen uttered softly.

"And those parts will remain with our children forever Gwen. We will just have to trust that Merlin can handle this." Arthur replied. Gwen nodded and soon the pair headed back towards the castle, knowing that Merlin would want to talk to them soon.

xXxXxXx A FEW DAYS LATER xXxXxXx

Merlin took a deep breath as she walked into Arthur and Gwen's chambers. Arthur and Gwen looked at Merlin as though they had been expecting her.

"I need to talk to you about the children." Merlin said.

"We know. We... followed you when you went to see Kilgarrah." Arthur was the first to speak.

"We're not... we're not angry. We're... Merlin you gave up pieces of yourself to save our children. You gave them life as much as we did." Gwen said. Gwen looked at Arthur and he looked back at her.

"We've made a decision, which we discussed with the Knights and we all agreed. If anything should happen to Gwen and I before Elyan becomes of age, we've decided that you will become regent until Elyan is of an age where he can rule." Arthur said. Merlin's eyes went wide.

"But, what about the council?" Merlin asked.

"It's not up to them to name a regent. It's up to us and we've decided. You're the only person who would do everything to protect our children. You've proved it so many times that there is no need for further proof. You would look after them. That's all that matters. You rule wisely and you would teach Elyan to do that same, and Ygraine, Uther and little Merlin love you as though you were a mother to them anyway." Gwen replied. Merlin was overwhelmed with emotions. She waved a hand in front of her face, trying to ward off the tears she knew were threatening to spill.

"I'm honoured. I really am." Merlin said softly.

"Good. I think it would be a good idea for the children to take magic lessons with you. At least for now. Maybe when Ygraine gets a little older she can go to the Druid camps like Elyan has done, the same with Uther and little Merlin. Mordred will look after them. I know that much." Arthur said. Merlin nodded.

"Of course. We'll... arrange a time for them to come to me individually. That way I can see where their magical affinity lies and teach them to have control over it." Merlin said. Arthur nodded and Merlin nodded back, before she left the room, not wanting her friends to see exactly how emotional it made her to think they trusted her so deeply.

xXxXxXx THREE MONTHS LATER xXxXxXx

The official ceremony of Annwn was to happen soon. Elyan was well prepared for it. Mordred had told him about what would happen, to a certain extent, and that he would see visions whilst in the caves of Annwn.

"What did you see Mordred?" Elyan asked.

"I can't tell you. What you see is for you and for you alone, until the time is right." Mordred told Elyan cryptically. That morning, some of the Druid men came for Elyan, as they did for the other boys of his age and Elyan was fearful as he was led to the caves. He also knew that this was a part of his destiny, so he moved forward with purpose as he tried not to be afraid. Mordred watched as he went.

"Your brother?" Mordred looked at the girl who had spoken. She had long chestnut brown hair and big grey eyes. She smiled at Mordred and he smiled back. He moved up a little on the log he was sitting on, giving the girl a chance to sit down as well. She took the invitation and sat beside Mordred.

"Yes he's my little brother. He's going to the caves." Mordred said.

"Did you go?" The girl asked.

"Yes. I came with my mother and then went into the caves of Annwn with the other boys of my age. I'm sorry but I don't know your name." Mordred replied. The girl smiled.

"I'm Lara. I know you're Mordred, the son of Emrys. Everyone knows that." Lara said softly. Mordred grinned.

"I'm not the only son of Emrys. I do have another brother, Balinor." Mordred said. Lara smiled.

"I've heard." Lara said. Mordred liked how straight forward Lara was. They began to talk about all sorts of things, and Mordred was glad that he was distracted from the fact that he could not follow his little brother into the caves of Annwn.

xXxXxXx CAMELOT xXxXxXx

"I'm pregnant." Merlin blinked as Elena entered the tower room again. Merlin smiled as Elena stood there smiling brightly.

"I'm truly glad and happy for you Elena. Have you told Gwaine?" Merlin asked. That moment, Gwaine arrived, looking a little worried. "Ah! Hello Gwaine!" Merlin exclaimed cheerfully. Elena smiled at her husband.

"I think I'll leave you two to talk." Elena said happily. Gwaine smiled at his wife.

"I am happy you know." Gwaine said. Elena nodded.

"I know. And Merlin is your best friend. Who better to share all your worries and happiness with?" Elena stated. Then she kissed Gwaine on the cheek and was gone. Merlin shook her head at the dopey look on Gwaine's face.

"So... worries?" Merlin asked. Gwaine sat down in a chair then and poured out his heart.

"How am I supposed to be a good father? My own father died when I was young. I don't know anything about being a father. What will happen if I die in the line of duty? Who will look after Elena and my child? I still drink too much. I'm a terrible role model for a child. Thank the Gods there are people like you here or I'd be worried the poor child would turn out like me. I hope the baby has Elena's eyes though. I'd like a daughter. My own little princess to look after. What do you think of the name Emryssa for a girl? After you of course." Gwaine rambled on and Merlin listened to his worries and fears with an open heart and she reassured him.

"You will be a great father Gwaine." Merlin said kindly.

"How can you be so sure Merlin?" Gwaine asked.

"Because I know you. I know that you would do everything in your power to make sure your child grew up safe and healthy. I can't promise you that you won't die before your child reaches adult hood. No one knows these things Gwaine. But I can promise that if such a thing happened, I, Arthur and Gwen would make sure that Elena and your child would have everything they needed. As for calling your daughter Emryssa, I would be honoured, but I think you should discuss it with Elena first." Merlin assured. Gwaine nodded and smiled at Merlin.

"This is why you are the best friend that I've ever had." Gwaine stated. That was when Ygraine arrived. She looked at Gwaine, curiosity shone in her eyes.

"Hello Uncle Gwaine." Ygraine said softly. Gwaine smiled at Ygraine.

"Hello Princess. Here for your magic lesson with Auntie Merlin?" Gwaine asked. Ygraine nodded. "Well on that note, it's time I left. Thanks again Merlin." Gwaine said. Merlin nodded and smiled.

"Anytime Gwaine." Merlin replied. Then Gwaine was gone, and Merlin was teaching Ygraine about the usage of her powers.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Elyan saw strange things within the caves, some things were things he expected, and some were not, but when he left the cave, he was given a tattoo of a three headed dragon, just as he had seen before he left Camelot. He showed the tattoo to Mordred who nodded proudly, and Elyan couldn't help but feel proud himself, that he had made his older brother proud too. This was the start of Elyan's journey, and he wasn't sure where the end would lead him. When he saw Mordred was sat talking with a girl, Elyan couldn't help grinning, hoping that his brother would find a calling apart from just protecting him.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Okay, that's the end of this chapter. I thought I'd go back and forth between Camelot and the Druids, so that you could see everyone. I also realised I kinda forgot that Elena existed after I wrote her in as Gwaine's wife, just before Morgana attacked and nearly killed unborn Elyan. So I thought I'd bring her back for a little bit. LOL! Please R&R and let me know what you think and I will update as soon as I can.


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